Forever my Love
by Helen Pattskyn
Summary: AU. When last we left Jack and Kam, the Captain had a hefty price on his head, ostensibly over a murder that...well, he did commit, but we all know the Empire doesn't care about one dead spacer, they're interested in an alien artefact.
1. Chapter 1

**A/N:**

Here's the new Jack and Kam… updates will be slow, I've got a bunch of other projects going and some pretty tough personal deadlines, but this has been in my head for a while and needed to come out (mostly so I could work on those other projects without Jack and Kam badgering at me all the time! They have been monumentally annoying the last week! Of course the upside is we get a new story, so I guess even I shouldn't complain too hard. I love writing them.)

Definitely rated **M**. The world Jack and Kam live in can be incredibly, heart-breakingly, harsh.

In this one we will definitely have the Doctor (not telling which one… ok, I've got two scenarios going through my head, when the time comes we'll see which one fits.)

In case anyone's wondering, the alien device referred to in the beginning section is from one of Sidlerocks' fantastic Jack and Kam stories.

(And yeah, I've still got some Jack and Ianto stuff going through my head and I want to play around a little more with Kae and Wynn… but there are only 24 hours in a day, so… I beg your patience… reviews don't hurt either! :-)

All the usual disclaimers apply. It should be pretty obvious what I do and don't legally own ;-)

Last order of business, I haven't updated the timeline in forever, so in case anyone missed it, WickedWitchoftheSE wrote a truly fantastic story about Jack and Ianto, their daughter Seren and a call from the headmaster of her school. It's called To Tell a Lie .net/s/6104510/1/.

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**Chapter One**

"_Ever has it been that love knows not its own depth until the hour of separation."_

Kahlil Gibran

* * *

Kam rolled over and found the other half of the bed cold, empty. Not that he'd expected otherwise. _Three months…_it had been three long months since he'd last seen Jack Harkness.

His lover.

His partner.

His friend.

_My __**best**__ friend._

A hollow feeling overtook his insides and he pulled the pillow from the empty side of the bed to his chest hugging it tightly, burying his nose into it, inhaling deeply of the sweet scent of cinnamon and musk.

Jack's smell was fading, almost gone. He missed him so much it hurt. It hurt so much more than he'd thought it would. It made him realize how much it must have hurt the immortal when he lost his husband, his bonny Welshman—their daughter… his children and his grandchildren… people who had lived and died five hundred years ago on a planet so far away, Kam had never been anywhere near it. He couldn't imagine five long centuries of feeling as empty and alone as he felt without the Captain, couldn't imagine what it must be like for Jack knowing he could never die… it seemed a miracle he was willing to love anybody any more. _It would be so much easier for him if he just…just shut himself off…_ Kam snuggled into the pillow. He was so very grateful that Jack was strong enough to still be able to love. _That he was willing to love me… _He couldn't imagine living forever, not the way Jack and Henry did it, anyway.

The young man closed his eyes and pictured his lover's face… his blue eyes… the curve of his lips… that smile… the smirk. His laugh. He missed the strong arms that held him tight and kept him safe.

Other memories drifted in too, memories that weren't really his but felt like his nonetheless. A heavy blue coat over his shoulders warming him… he'd been so cold for so long… he remembered the things he'd seen when he was under the influence of that alien thing… the thing that was the very reason Jack was a wanted man. He remembered how scared he'd been… _Ianto Jones…_ he'd betrayed Jack, but Jack loved him anyway. They'd loved each other.

He grasped hold of the ring on the chain around his neck and slid his finger into it. It was too big for his small hands, but sometimes putting it on like that was the only way he could fall asleep now that Jack was gone.

….

"Roll over, Boy!" a rough voice roused the sleeping man to wakefulness almost instantly. "Move it!" the other barked, anyway, even though the younger man was already rolling over onto his stomach.

He positioned himself… braced himself. He told himself again that the Captain wasn't rough on purpose. _Besides,_ _he's only one man. I only have to Service __**one**__ man._ And really, the Captain wasn't a cruel man, he was just careless. Why _should _he care?

He sucked in air as he was penetrated; the Captain groaned in pleasure, seemingly oblivious to how much he was hurting the man under him.

"That's it," he growled softly into his ear. "Damn, I love your hips… that ass… damn that ass…" he murmured as he grasped the younger man's hips pulling him back hard, skewering him deeper, making him gasp.

Still, the young man made a good show of making it sound like a gasp of pleasure rather than pain. His whole life belonged to this man and if he displeased him… but surely after six years he was safe… _there is no __**safe**__,_ he reminded himself. He had nothing…he _was_ nothing. He was only what the Captain allowed him to be… _two holes to be used whenever, however, he wanted…_ So he ground back into the old man harder, ignoring the pain, telling him how much he loved him, how much he loved to please him, how good he felt inside him, begging him to take him harder, because he knew it was what the Captain wanted to hear. Sometimes he even thought the old man might mean it when he said he loved him, too…

He let out a last, well-timed, groan of what passed for well-satisfied pleasure when he felt the Captain's orgasm deep inside him.

It made the old man chuckle; he slapped his ass so hard that he left a bright red handprint. By tomorrow it would be a dull brown bruise, just like the one on the other cheek. "God, I love you. You are so fucking beautiful," he muttered as he grabbed a handful of the black hair he insisted the younger man keep long. He yanked him backwards into a deep, forceful kiss. "Now that's what I call a good way to wake up, ey, Kase?" he asked.

"Yes, Sir," he agreed readily, not struggling or even trying to get his balance; it was easier to just let the Captain pull him where he wanted him.

The Captain leered at him a long moment before giving him another brutal kiss, his tongue roaming carelessly around the younger man's mouth, poking and prodding at him; he kept a tight hold of his hair. But still, Kase returned the kiss eagerly, honestly. Hopefully. Even clumsy kisses were welcome and felt good.

He knew that someday soon his looks would begin to fade; he'd just turned twenty five. By thirty… by thirty he wouldn't be so pleasing to the eye. His only hope of not ending up in a labour camp or mining colony…worse… was the affection of the man who owned his contract. The Captain didn't have to sell him when he was through with him, he could let him quietly out of his contract, he could let him settle somewhere… anywhere… anything was better than ending up at an Auction House because once he hit thirty, he knew that nobody would want him for anything but hard labour. What else would he be good for? He only knew how to do one thing.

The older man sat back and admired him a little longer before finally letting go and getting himself out of bed.

Kase rose gracefully from the sheets after him; he made every movement careful and deliberate. He reached for the Captain's shirt, helped him into it, even though that wasn't one of the things the older man had ever told him was expected of him. When he'd first purchased his contract, Captain Arons had outlined his 'duties'. It was pretty simple. He wanted easy access to a beautiful young body… _but maybe the little things will add up,_ Kase told himself, noting the look of pleasure that came into the old man's eyes as he buttoned up his shirt for him, lingering just a moment after he was done, inviting another kiss. When the Captain gave it to him, Kase returned it as ardently as ever. He flashed a coy smile at the older man and turned to get his trousers for him. "Shall I assist you, Sir?" he asked in a sultry purr.

"Do that, and I'll be late for my shift," he took the pants from him. His tone was gruff, it was always gruff, but he was smiling. He always smiled at him. "But you can help me take 'em off, later, if you like."

Kase returned his smile. "Later, then, Sir," he promised softly.

He waited until the other had gone before going into the bathroom to clean himself up. Being the Captain's pet had some advantages, at least. He didn't have to share a shower with the rest of the crew and he could stay in it as long as he liked. In fact, he often had huge chunks of time to himself, because he belonged to the Captain and _only_ the Captain. After so many years—more than he could count—of serving anybody who could pay for it, it was nice to only have to worry about one man's needs, one man's tastes. And really, as tastes when, his Captain was pretty bland. He liked it first thing in the morning (what man didn't?) and sometimes during the day—after all, he was the Captain, he could slip off for a long lunch or an afternoon 'break', if he wanted to.

When he got off his shift, he liked Kase to be waiting for him, to pour him a glass of wine and rub his shoulders… to listen to him talk about his day without interrupting him. To pay attention and seem as if he was genuinely interested in things he only barely understood. None of that had been a part of his original duties, but a smart Server was quick to figure out the little things the client wanted, even if they hadn't mentioned them. It wasn't that clients were inherently cruel—at least not most—it was just that most of the time they didn't quite know themselves what they wanted, so the Server had to figure it out. Men like Captain Arons were easy. All he wanted was to feel like he was important to somebody, to be the centre of one person's attention. He wanted to feel special, to be pampered without having to give anything back. In that, he was hardly remarkable.

At last Kase turned off the water and dried himself, examining his body carefully in the full length mirror on the back wall of the cramped bathroom. It wasn't vanity so much the desire to survive, to stay where he was as long as possible. He knew how good he still looked. He was lean, lightly muscular. His natural skin tone was darker than most… he had slanted almond shaped eyes the colour of midnight, and long straight black hair… most considered him beautiful. Exotic. His looks had served in well when he'd Served; he was difficult to forget. It wasn't just his looks... he'd been sold to the Red House at an early age, learned to please others long before he was allowed to Service the customers. Looking at himself now, he reckoned he had at least a few more years before his appearance began to fade in any noticeable way. If he played it right, the Captain might keep him at least until he was thirty and then… then he would have to pray that the old man cared about him as much as he said he did. _Because surely if he cares, he won't want to see me auctioned off to the highest bidder… _his gut churned, but he refused to let himself worry about it. He still had time.

He selected his attire for the day with care. A tight black t-shirt that left little to the imagination; snugly fitted black jeans that laced up the sides and up both the front and the back. They were the Captain's favourites. The side lacings were for show, the front and back lacings for convenience. He made sure to tie both the back and front so that they would be easy for the Captain to untie later.

He shaved his face carefully—morning scruff was acceptable, but the Captain wouldn't tolerate anything shy of perfection once he'd had a chance to clean himself up. Likewise, he braided his hair carefully, neatly. The first time he'd braided his hair, the Captain had scowled, until he'd discovered how much easier the long made his hair to grab.

Before heading down to the mess to get a bite to eat, he took a few moments to tidy up the Captain's cabin. He made the bed, collected the older man's dirty clothing and put it into the laundry. After breakfast, he would fetch his clean uniforms and hang them up neatly. There were crewmen who could do that, of course, but really, it wasn't as if he had any official duties on board, his only job was to Serve the Captain. Cleaning up after him was just one more thing he could do to make himself useful, in the hopes that the Captain would keep him around just a little longer. In the hopes that he would be just a little kinder when he finally did decide to get rid of him.

…..

Kase was just finishing his meal when his comm beeped for attention; he smiled to himself. The Captain hadn't even made it through the morning… "Yes, Sir?" he said cordially after slipping the earpiece into place.

"I need you in my office. Now."

Kase blinked as a flutter of panic shot through him. Being summoned to the Captain's office wasn't the least bit unusual, but his tone… the curtness of his summons… "Is… is anything the matter, Sir?"

"_Now_," he repeated; his voice sounded cold and flat.

"Yes, Sir." He was sure that whatever the Captain wanted, it didn't bode well for him. His fears grew when he arrived at the Captain's office to find two strange men waiting there with him…


	2. Chapter 2

**Wow! **Thank you so much for the amazing reception this has gotten! I really appreciate it. Hopefully this chapter will answer/confirm a few things...

all right, a little shameless self-promotion: some of my artwork can be seen here (remove the spaces). I'll be adding more as I get it professionally photographed.

helen - pattskyn . artistwebsites . com

**

* * *

**

**Chapter Two**

_True love doesn't have a happy ending,  
because true love never ends._

Author Unknown

* * *

Jack stood with his arms crossed over his chest, closely watching the young man who entered Arons's office. His gaze darted from Captain Arons to him to Henry and back again, questioningly. Seemingly desperate for an explanation for his abrupt summons—seemingly scared out of his mind. Jack could hardly blame him for being afraid. Arons wouldn't (_couldn't_) look at him—it was only under the influence of Henry's considerable 'charm' that the old man had agreed to sell them his Cyprian's contract. Henry was continuing to hold his gaze, exuding a kind of cold chill over the room as he forced his will on the other.

"Is… is everything all right, Sir?" the boy asked his Captain, swallowing hard, as his gaze darted nervously around the room once more.

Arons didn't answer.

"Have a seat," Jack suggested, not meaning to sound harsh but unable to help himself. All he could think about was how this was exactly what would have happened to Kam if he hadn't found a way out. _If he hadn't found me_… _If Jimmy hadn't offered him a job behind my back, if I hadn't…_ He swallowed hard. He didn't want to think about what might have happened to them if he hadn't let Henry talk him into giving Kam the chance to make up his own mind about whether or not he could live with someone else's immortality. He'd been ready to leave Kam that day. If he had…

Jack turned his gaze towards Arons, trying to curb his rage. All he wanted was to get out of the old spacer's office, to get back to his ship. His crew. His partner. A frisson of longing and loneliness shot through him; it made his heart ache. It had only been three months. Three months should be nothing compared to the five centuries he'd waited... except that he _hadn't _been waiting. He hadn't ever expected… Ianto was gone, dead and there was nothing beyond the grave but cold, empty… black…

His fingers brushed across the ring that he wore on a chain around his neck. _Forever… _could they really have forever? Could anybody?

There was nothing he wouldn't do to have the chance.

* * *

**_Three Months Prior…_**

**_

* * *

_**

Kam was chewing on his lower lip, worrying it into a bloody pulp. Even when Jack brushed his fingers over his lips…

"What is it, Sweetheart?" the older man asked at last.

"Something's wrong. I know it is, Jack. Please… just tell me," he implored.

He sighed; he should have known Kam would pick up on his tension. "Nothing's wrong—" he began.

The other turned away from him.

It was morning. That meant breakfast alone together in their quarters. Jack knew it was his partner's favourite time of day; it was his too, for the very same (or at least similar) reasons. Short of an emergency, no one bothered them or barged in on them and for a whole hour he could pretend that his life, _their_ lives, was normal. He knew his life would never be anything that even remotely resembled normal—he doubted that Kam's ever had been—but for an hour every morning he got to pretend…. There was nothing he would have loved more than to be able to give Kam normal for real, all the time. Every day. He considered again asking the younger man if he wanted to settle quietly on some planet somewhere… _ I've got forever, all he has is a few short years…_ maybe they should settle down, maybe even have a family… he had John's vortex manipulator, they could go… he swallowed hard. He could give Kam what he'd tried to give Ianto. _Seren._ A child all their own—only this time his partner would be around to see that child grow up…

"Please don't lie to me," the young man begged, bringing him up out of his thoughts. "You promised. You said you would always tell me the truth, so even if…" he couldn't finish his sentence. He didn't have to, Jack knew what he was afraid to say. _Even if you want to end it… _"Please just tell me what's wrong, Jack."

The immortal slipped out from behind the table, "Kam, Sweetheart," he pulled him into his arms. "_Nothing's _wrong." Which wasn't strictly true; he was sure Kam knew it, too. Jack sighed. "All right," he gave in.

"What is it?"

"It's got nothing to do with you and me," which also wasn't strictly true, although it had nothing to do with either of them in any personal way. Still, he knew… he _didn't _know what Kam would say if he knew the whole story, if he told him about An selling her son to one of the Red Houses… He'd kept his word to her, he hadn't told anyone about what she'd done to her son, not even his partner. It was her secret to tell or not to tell, and anyway, he hadn't expected it to matter, to impact anything, at least not any time soon. He'd been as surprised as An when it took Henry only a couple of months to track her boy's contract down.

Apparently in that respect, they'd gotten lucky; Kase Cho's contract hadn't changed hands since it had been purchased from the Red House. An hadn't been able to find him simply because she lacked Henry's connections. If she'd known how to ask, where to look… he sighed. A woman like An Cho, a nobody in the eyes of the Empire, wouldn't have been able to get the answers she wanted even if she had known who to ask.

"Sweetheart, listen to me," he brushed his fingers over his partner's bruised lips again and knelt down so he wasn't towering over him. "I love you. I love you so much and I'm sorry I've been so distracted lately. You're right—partly right," he said quickly. "There's nothing wrong with us." He reached out and touched the ring hanging from the chain around the younger man's neck.

Kam reached up too, curled his hand around his, gave over a hopeful smile.

"I will always love you, Kam," he promised him.

The other nodded. "I'm sorry, too. I shouldn't have… I shouldn't always think the worst. I just… sometimes… I don't know what you see in me, Jack," he admitted, no longer meeting his gaze. "I'm nothing special."

"You're special to me. That's all that matters."

He nodded, seeming to accept… but then… "Is it the Empire?"

"What?" What about the Empire?

"There's a price on your head, Jack! I know something's wrong, you've been walking around like… what was it you said it was? Like you're in egg-shoes?"

He chuckled. "On eggshells." _At least he's not as bad as David… Ziva David,_ he remembered only vaguely a beautiful, brilliant woman who spoke five or six or maybe it was seven different languages but was constantly botching up simple colloquialisms. He hadn't thought about her in years… "It's not the Empire, Kam. They don't know where I am," _I hope… _But it seemed reasonable that they didn't know, although all things considered, they were probably looking a little harder for him than usual. "I promised someone I would do something for them. I didn't expect… I thought it would take longer than it has to… to fulfil that promise, but…" he looked away for a moment. Egg-shoes indeed… "I have to go away for a little while."

"I want to go with you."

Jack smiled. How many times had Ianto followed him blindly into… _into everything. _His smile faded. "It's too dangerous. Kam, listen to me, please. I _don't_ want to lose you. I want," _a home with you, a family_… "I want us to have a real life together. Fifty, sixty years," he told him in a hopeful tone.

"You're not going to want me when I'm old and ugly, Jack," Kam sounded so matter of fact, like he really believed that, despite everything they'd just said to each other.

He smiled anyway, even though the accusation hurt him to the core. "You just watch me."

The young pilot studied him for a long, long moment. He swallowed. "You really mean it, don't you? You really mean for the rest of my life? You're not just… " they bantered back and forth about it sometimes, but… "You're not just saying the words are you?"

"No. I really mean it. I want every moment—as much as you're willing to give me. And believe me, I hate the thought of going away, even for a little while, but I made a promise. I need to keep it."

"I understand. Can I… will you at least tell me what you promised to do?"

Giving up on breakfast, Jack stood and drew his partner with towards the settee. He sat and pulled Kam into his lap; the other didn't hesitate. He curled into him, letting him hold him. Jack encircled him with his arms; he pressed a kiss to his temple. "I promised I would keep her confidence. But… it's An," he gave up. There were only so many 'hers' on the ship. "I told her I'd help her find somebody."

Kam nodded, but seemed to be expecting more of an explanation.

"She's got a son," said Jack. "He's not in a good place. I asked Henry to track him down. I thought it would take longer." He should have known better. It wasn't just that Henry was a wealthy man. The British Aristocracy was a funny thing. Henry may have died centuries ago, but he could still tap into the political power of his family tree.

"Why do you have to go?" Kam wanted to know. "Couldn't Henry just… or…or someone else?" he bit his lip. He seemed to know how selfish he was sounding. He looked embarrassed by it.

Jack brushed a kiss against his bruised lower lip. "I gave my word. I have to do this."

Slowly, the younger man nodded. "This has something to do with why she doesn't like me, doesn't it?"

"What makes you think An doesn't like you?"

"Jack. I know I'm naïve—"

"You're not naïve."

"Yes I am. I don't know anything about the rest of the universe," he said, before the older man could protest. "But I know people. I know An doesn't like me. She's never anything but professional," he added quickly. "But that doesn't mean… she avoids me the way people avoid things and situations that make them uncomfortable. The way the crew used to avoid me before… before they got to know me, I guess. I made them uncomfortable because of what I'd been—and then because I was sharing your bed. An never… she avoids me the same way Anneke keeps avoiding Buddy and Mr Smeed avoids Julian unless you're in the room."

Jack blinked at him. He'd had no idea Jimmy… "He's still got a problem with Jule?" Granted it had only been a few months since Julian had officially joined the Welshman's crew, but…

Kam shrugged. "I don't think he believes you and Mr Kyle were never lovers."

The Captain wondered again if he should just tell his first officer…

"That wouldn't make him feel any better, Jack," Kam answered, seeming to know exactly what he was thinking.

"Why not?"

"Julian told me…" he hesitated, breaking eye contact, clearly unsure if what had been said had been told to him in some kind of confidence.

The immortal held his chin lightly, coaxing him to look at him again. "What did he tell you?" he asked gently.

"It's nothing bad. I just… I'm not sure I should…" he sighed, apparently giving up on the internal struggle. "Julian gave me the idea that Mr Smeed—when did the two of you break up, Jack?" he asked, instead of finishing.

Not understanding, Jack shrugged. "I don't know. It was a long time ago—it doesn't bother you—?" did it?

"We're not talking about me, Jack. And no, for the record, I'm fine with you and Mr Smeed. I hadn't even been born yet, anyway, so why should it matter?"

Jack smiled, he couldn't help it. He remembered no few conversations with Ianto… "All right. So tell me what you are getting at," he entreated.

"Julian gave me the distinct impression that you and Mr Smeed started to drift apart just about the time you told him about how you can't die."

He blinked. Again. Was that the real reason… he remembered Jimmy saying to him a few months ago that he'd wanted someone to grow old with, not in front of, but… _was that really the _**_only_**_ reason he pulled away from me twenty years ago?_ He tried to remember what exactly had happened, but all he remembered was Jimmy slipping away. It had hurt a little—a lot. But… _but what does that mean for us,_ he wondered at the young man curled up on his lap.

Henry's words invaded again, reminding him that Ianto had never once complained… _only he knew… _Torchwood employees died young, he'd known he wouldn't live to be an old man. _But he long enough lived to see his first grey hair_, Jack reminded himself. He lived long enough to realize he was getting older… a few long-dormant memories drifted up to the surface. Their last anniversary… he shook himself. He didn't remember everything from that year, just that it had been a bad one. _Tim… __Gwen… Sara…_ a few months after that Mickey… then Ianto… _because he was willing to follow me into anything, no matter how dangerous it was… _for a very long time he'd blamed himself. And maybe it really was his fault…

Kam's smile surprised him then; it comforted him more than the young man could possibly ever understand.

_Because you came back to me,_ Jack thought at him. _Because you still love me after all this time._ Because when he looked at Kam he was able to believe in forever.

"For someone who knows as much as you do, you can't read people very well, Jack," Kam's voice cut through his thoughts; he didn't mind. "I guess it's just as well you're planning on keeping me around…" he began, but his smile faltered, just a little.

_Forever… _"For the rest of your life," he told his young pilot in a tone that he hoped brooked no room for doubt or argument. Then he quirked a smile at the younger man. "Apparently, I need you."

Kam chuckled at his grin, his tone. "Yes, I think you do," he said, his own tone so dry it made Jack laugh.

They didn't discuss An or her son again, but a few weeks later Henry arrived in a sleek black ship…

Chapter Two


	3. Chapter 3

_First:_

**Thank you for the wonderful reviews so far! **And sorry for taking so long to update. It's been a week.

_Second: _

I have a blog! Mostly I'm using it to talk about my original fiction and my art, but if anyone wants to check it out, please feel free! The addy is simple, helenpattskyn dot com—that 'dot' is a '.'—duh ;-)

* * *

**Chapter Three**

_Love is like a violin. The music may stop now and then, but the strings remain forever. _

June Masters Bacher

* * *

"Your contract belongs to these men now."

The pronouncement, the empty detachment with which Captain Aaron said the words, cut through the young Cyprian like shattered glass slicing through flesh… he knew he wasn't anything to his Captain, but just a few hours ago Aarons had said he loved him! He'd never even seen these men before! Kase wanted to ask him 'why', but he knew better, so "Yes, Sir," was all he said.

He let his gaze return to the two men a moment, his new masters. They were both hard… cold. The one who had told him to sit, the man with the blue eyes—beautiful, distant blue eyes—was standing with his arms crossed over his chest, holding himself closed off from the room, the proceedings. He wore a crisp dark shirt, not unlike the kind the Captain was wearing; also like the Captain, he had on leather boots and utility pants, the kind with a lot of pockets. They were the shoes and clothing of a working man.

The other wore a finely tailored black suit that clung to his slender body just exactly right; he was dressed not only to impress, but to seduce. He most definitely was not a working man. Long shoulder length auburn hair framed the most perfect ivory skinned face… he couldn't even be twenty years old yet there was something ancient about him… something feral. _Frightening._ They both frightened him.

"I… I look forward to Serving you, Sirs," he managed to stammer past the lump in his throat.

Neither of the men said anything in response. They barely looked at him. He had served clients like that in the Red House… _two holes…_ that's all he was to men like that. They weren't going to love him or take care of him. They would use him for what they wanted and discard him when they were through. _Just like Captain Aarons… _he looked at his Captain again, but he looked away.

The beautiful man in the black suit got to his feet. "Thank you, Captain," he said to Aarons, extending his hand. They shook. He turned to Kase. "You can have a moment if you like."

"Yes, Sir. Thank you, Sir," he said quickly. A moment… a moment to say good-bye? What difference did good-bye make? But not knowing how many little kindnesses these two were likely to bestow upon him—and not expecting it to be very many—he wasn't going to throw it away.

The man in black nodded; both he and his companion took their leave. The one with the blue eyes didn't look happy. Perhaps he would rather not have given their new acquisition a moment to say good-bye.

The door closed behind them. The temperature in the room seemed to rise by a few degrees. Kase didn't feel any warmer for it, however. He blinked back the moisture that had been gathering behind his eyes for many long moments and turned to face the man who had been his whole world, his life, for the last six years. He was an old man, much older than the two who owned his contract now, he could be rough but he'd been everything Kase had known for so long. All he wanted was to understand why he didn't want him any more… but the Captain's expression remained unreadable. He was so cold, so distant.

"Did I… did I do something wrong, Sir?" he asked helplessly. Hopelessly. The answer wouldn't matter, it wouldn't change anything, but… but this morning he'd said that he loved him! It had been just like every other morning and he couldn't think of a single thing he'd done wrong. He played over last night in his mind… the night before… _nothing_ had made him suspect this was coming. "If I made you angry or… of if there was something you wanted…" _why didn't you give me a chance?_ There was nothing he wouldn't have done for his Captain.

The old man's face softened. "Of course you didn't do anything wrong," he sounded so sincere and seemed so genuinely surprised by the question. "You've been wonderful. You_ are_ wonderful, Kase. I couldn't have asked for a better companion."

"Then why…?"

He hesitated—then abruptly, he turned his attention to the datapad on his desk. "You belong to them now," he said in that same cold detached tone he'd had a moment ago. "Be a good boy for them, like you were for me. Everything will be fine." He flashed a brief smile without actually looking up at him.

Swallowing back the bitter taste of bile, the young man nodded. "Yes, Sir. I… good-bye, Sir. It… it was a pleasure Serving you, Captain. I… I wish you well, Sir." He meant it.

Aarons didn't answer him, he simply resumed his seat and went back to work.

Kase understood. There was no 'why'. He hadn't done anything wrong. The Captain was simply ready for someone else—someone younger and prettier. Someone _new_. So he sold his contract. It wasn't the least bit personal.

It never had been.

The two men who owned his contract now were waiting for him just outside the Captain's office door. They were deep in what seemed to be heated conversation, but when the door slid open, they silenced themselves. They were both young… beautiful. Incredibly beautiful. That frightened him more than if they had been older, less attractive—men like these only needed to buy the contract of a Cyprian if their tastes ran towards the… exotic. The unpleasantly exotic. Outside the Red House, there were no rules, there was no protection. They could do anything they wanted, because in owning his contract, they owned _him._ If he didn't want to end up in a labour colony—or worse—he had to figure out how make sure they were happy with their purchase.

He swallowed to clear his throat of the cold lump of fear that had settled there. "It's a pleasure to meet you, Sir—both of you, Sirs," he forced himself to say; he set his face into a congenial, eager expression. "I look forward to Serving you, Sirs," he told them again in a tone he knew sounded sincere; he knew how to lie. He lowered his lids then, and gave each a look that all but begged them to take him on the spot. Even though they were hard—impossible—to read, no one had ever rejected _that_ look before, especially not someone who already knew they were beautiful, as surely these two must know. He doubted that either of them ever got turned down.

The auburn haired man smiled at him. "Is there anything you need to collect from your quarters before we leave?" he inquired. His tone seemed warmer than it had before.

Kase let out the breath he was barely aware he was holding. "I have a few things… but it's nothing important," he lied. "If you'd prefer to leave…"

"Get your things," said the blue-eyed man; his words were clipped, angry. There was so much pent up rage…

Kase decided quickly that the wisest course was to accept his generosity rather than tempt that rage to come to the surface by refusing it. "Thank you, Sir. Would you… I won't be long, shall I meet you at your ship?"

The auburn haired man nodded as agreement. "It's in the main hanger bay. You shouldn't have any trouble finding it."

"Yes, Sir. Thank you, Sir. Both of you, Sirs." He took his leave immediately and gathered up his things as fast as he could, so as not to abuse their generosity. It didn't take him long; he didn't have much. All of his clothes were tailored to Captain Aarons's taste—tight fitting t-shirts, jeans that looked like they were painted into place. The men who owned his contract now would have their own requirements for his appearance; he would present himself in whatever way _they_ desired. Still, he might need a few things in the interim and Aarons had told him the clothes were really his, he'd bought them for him…just the same, he only packed up a few items, tossing them into the bag he'd arrived with, along with his personal necessities… although he suspected that the men who held his contract would have their own preferences when it came to his cologne and shampoo. He got the feeling that they were particular… they were too beautiful not to be.

He paused a moment, trying to decide whether or not to pack the few little trinkets Aarons had given him. He had always thought… there was no such thing as safe, but he'd taken each little gift the Captain brought back from his furloughs ashore as a token of real affection. After all, it wasn't like he _had_ to buy him anything. It meant he was thinking about him, didn't it?

Tears bit at his eyes. He'd been a fool to think the old man actually cared about him. He was a Cyprian. A Service Provider. That meant he was good for one thing and one thing only.

He wiped the moisture from his cheeks and left the cabin carrying little more than he'd come into it with six years ago. He pushed is shoulders back and forced his chin up. He was _still _beautiful. He knew how to please a man. Two men. It had been a long time…_but I've done it before._ Done it well, in fact.

He made his way to the hanger bay and had no trouble at all finding their ship; it was sleek and black. Expensive. He was sure he'd never seen anything like it before—not that he'd seen many ships, but sometimes, when they were docked somewhere, he'd find a portal to look out of, so he could watch the ships come and go. He'd spent his whole life in the Red House… he hadn't been anywhere but Captain Aarons' ship since he came into possession of his contract six years ago.

He tried to tell himself that that was the only thing making him nervous as he approached the sleek black beauty of a ship.

As soon as he got a few feet from it, the hatch hissed open and a short gangplank lowered silently to the ground.

The auburn haired man was waiting for him just inside the hatch. He greeted him with an affable enough expression. He took his bag and stored it, then hit a panel on the wall; the gangplank rose and the hatch hissed shut again, closing out everything that had been Kase's life for the last six years.

The Cyprian forced himself to ignore the growing knot in his stomach and faced other man, instead. He was shorter than him, younger looking… but his demeanour gave the impression of someone who was used to being in command, someone who wasn't hampered by his lack of stature or age. He had probably come from old money, Kase thought.

He lowered his gaze a little, but didn't try to slump down to make himself shorter than the other. He received a smile of what looked like approval for his efforts. He felt like he could almost breathe… maybe if he could figure this one out, he would be able to figure the blue eyed man as well. Maybe the auburn haired man would help… He schooled himself. He didn't need to be weighing himself down with any more false hope. There was no reason to expect anything from either of the men who owned his contract. _Or at least not anything good._

Just the same, "This is a beautiful ship, Sir," he told the auburn haired man earnestly as he followed him into the main cabin. The inside of the vessel spoke of money and luxury, making him wonder again what they wanted with him. Surely they could afford younger, prettier men… _I'm not that old. I'm just twenty five. That's not that old!_ He told himself.

"Make yourself comfortable," the other invited him.

"Thank you, Sir," he slid into the nearest of six deep, heavily padded seats in the cabin.

"I'll be back," he promised in a tone that held no menace. "Just relax."

"Yes, Sir." What else could he say?

But he didn't relax. A moment after the auburn haired man was gone, he felt the engine purr to life… it didn't roar, it purred. He looked closed his eyes for a long moment trying very hard not to let the fear of uncertainty overwhelm him. It didn't matter how afraid he was, it wouldn't change anything…people like him didn't get to choose…

The sound of a throat being cleared made him jump; heat over took his cheeks. He hadn't even heard the blue eyed man's approach! Quickly, he straightened in his seat, "I'm sorry, Sir," he stammered.

The man was holding a glass of clear liquid out to him; Kase accepted it with trembling hands.

"Didn't mean to startle you," said the man. His expression remained closed off and difficult to read.

It made Kase wonder fearfully if the last six years had dulled his ability to read people—the only person he'd had to worry about was Captain Aarons and he was easy, but there had been a time when so much depended on his ability to read his clients… had he let himself forget how? "It was my fault, Sir," he apologized. "I… I wasn't paying attention. It won't happen again, Sir, I promise," he offered up hopefully. Not hopeful that next time he wouldn't be caught unawares—he _wouldn't_ let it happen again—but rather, hopeful that the man would let a single transgression slide. He could be punished in any way they wanted to punish him over anything. Everything.

But the blue eyed man waved off the apology. "You looked like you could use a drink," he said instead. "It's just water," he added when the young man hesitated over the glass. He sat down opposite him.

"Thank you, Sir," he hadn't actually realized how dry his throat was until he took a sip of the cool, clear liquid. It didn't taste like anything other than water, just like the man had said. He drank the whole glass and thanked him again for his kindness. It was more than he'd expected—he didn't say that much, of course. "May… may I ask…who I have the pleasure of Serving, Sir?" he asked timidly when the other took the empty glass from him.

"Captain Jack Harkness."

Since he hadn't asked for Kase's name—or tell him his partner's name—he simply nodded his acknowledgement of the statement. "It's a pleasure to meet you, Captain, Sir. I… I'm ready to Serve you, if you wish, Sir." He shifted his expression back to something he hoped the man would find pleasing and played with the laces of his jeans, loosening them at the crotch, keeping his half-lidded eyes trained on the Captain's hard face. "However you wish, Sir—it really would be a pleasure, Sir," he purred; his tone was seductive, sultry. Wanting. He had to make them believe he wanted them (and really, it was what they wanted to believe, so it wasn't that difficult. But even if what wanted hurt, he would always come back begging for more.)

Harkness got to his feet. "I'm not sure you're ready for this," he said.

Kase forced a coy little smile to cover his nervousness. He would never verbally contradict either of them, but he knew what his expression was saying. He was ready for _anything_. More than ready, he wanted him…

But then, instead of taking down his pants, like Kase expected, Harkness drew something out of the pocket of them… he blinked at the folded piece of paper.

"It's not what you think," Harkness told him as he handed it over. "I ah… yeah." Looking uncomfortable, he took his leave. He turned suddenly on his heel when he got to the front of the cabin. "If you need anything, just… use the comm."

"Thank you, Sir," he answered, feeling confused by the other's attitude… maybe he was just meant for Harkness' partner's use? That would certainly explain their odd behaviour; it didn't seem to him as if the Captain liked him much. Not that either of them had to 'like' him in order for one or both of them to use him. But… slowly, he unfolded the sheet of paper.

It _wasn't _what he was expecting.

…

_An Cho gave over a startled look when Jack handed her pen and paper. She wasn't sure she'd ever written a letter before, not like that, anyway. Everyone sent datastream letters and cards—if you were sending something to a friend, you might not write anything at all, just record a quick vid and send it on its way while you were cooking lunch or getting ready for work. Who had the time to sit down and read correspondences? Who wanted to? _

"_A handwritten note means more than a few words typed on a datapad, An," Jack explained to her patiently; he'd told her that a friend of his had located her son, but he declined her request to go with him to get him. There was no telling what Kase had been through or how he would react to seeing her… _

_Reluctantly, An conceded his wisdom. She wasn't sure she was really up to facing Kase anyway. What if he hated her… why wouldn't he hate her? She looked down at the crisp white sheet in front of her. "What do I say?"_

"_Tell him what you told me. Tell him you love him."_

"_What if he doesn't…. what if… if he…" what if he didn't want to ever see her again?_

_He gave her one of those looks… gentle. Compassionate. "I won't bring him back to the Welshman if he doesn't want to come," he told her in a quiet tone. "He's been forced into too many things already, An." There was nothing accusatory or angry in his tone; he didn't blame her, she was sure he didn't. _

_She nodded. "I just want him to be safe, Sir."_

"_He will be. I promise." _

_With shaking hands, she started writing… _

_Jack left her alone in his office to collect her thoughts… he found a quiet corner of one of the cargo holds where he could be alone himself, and wrote a letter to Kam… _


	4. Chapter 4

**Ok, so this wasn't what I was supposed to be doing today... **but you guys have been so wonderful and so patient with me... but now I *really* have to address a problem I had with my original novel last week (I had a chapter vanish, utterly, completely and forever...)

Thank you again for the lovely reviews. This one is more fluff than story progression, but... well, enjoy it for what it is!

* * *

Chapter Four

"_One can endure sorrow alone, but it takes two to be glad."_

Elbert Hubbard

* * *

Kam unfolded the sheet of paper that had been tucked under his pillow with exaggerated care. The creases were beginning to wear from how many times he'd unfolded it to read, folded it back up again… there were smudges from how many times he'd held it close to his heart or carried it around in his pocket all day, just to have to it close. Just to be able to read it when he started to fear he would never see Jack again. It wasn't that he doubted Jack's heart; he might sometimes have a hard time not assuming the worst, especially when the older man had grown so silent a few months ago, before Henry came for him—Jack was so… he was so amazing, so wonderful. He wasn't perfect but he was… he was thousands of years old, he could never die, he'd seen the whole universe! Kam didn't understand what he could possibly have to offer someone like that, just… _love._ It seemed impossible that it could be that simple. But he knew it was, it was exactly that simple: Jack loved him; he loved the immortal man in return. It was all either of them needed or wanted. And he understood now the reason for his Captain's silence all those long weeks ago. He hadn't at the time, not fully, but when An came to talk to him, it all made sense…

.

"_Jack didn't tell me the particulars," he assured An when she asked if he knew; the way she said it, he was sure she thought he knew much more than he did. All he knew was that Jack was keeping a promise to her, the same way he'd kept all of the promises he'd made to him. He couldn't fault the older man for that. "He told me you asked for his help, that your son was in a bad place. I know… I reckon it's got something to do with… I'm not sure what I ever did to you…" he began awkwardly._

_She paled, looking embarrassed._

"_It… is it what I was?" he wasn't able to look her in the face, either. He remembered the way Avi had looked at him, acted towards him at first. And Lach… he'd given him a visual once over as well when they first met, although the Welshman's then-new chef hadn't actually __**said**__ anything. He didn't have to, Kam knew what he was thinking: Cyprian. Living sex toy. Only on board because he warmed the Captain's bed at night. _

_And Kai Jennings… he'd been on board before, with Leese and Fletcher and the rest… he'd avoided Kam at every turn for the longest time. Fielding had avoided him, too; most of the day shift had, in fact. Buddy was about the only one who took him exactly as he presented himself: a pilot. The Captain's lover, his partner. Not his pet. _

_He looked up at An. _

"_It's… it's not… it's not you, Mr Anders. It's… it's me. What __**I've**__ done. __**My**__ turpitude. What I thought about you, about the Captain… I was wrong about Captain Harkness," she confessed to him. "I thought he'd bought your contract. I… it made me hate him when I had no right to and I'm so sorry for that."_

"_As long as you know that I've the same contract you do," he told her, unable to keep the chill from his tone. He was used to being judged, but it still hurt him. It hurt him even more coming from An, because all she'd ever had do was __**ask**__. They saw each other every single day. She saw the way Jack treated him, the way the treated each other. They might pretend to maintain a certain level of professionalism on the bridge, but professionalism and Jack Harkness didn't really__go in the same sentence together very well._

"_I do know," she told him, "I'm sorry, Mr Anders. I'm so very sorry. But even if … I had no right to be angry at him when… when I had a son, too."_

_And suddenly he understood. Her son was in a bad place because she… _

"_Please… I don't expect you to forgive me for what I did to him…" she wiped the moisture trickling down her cheeks. _

"_Ms Cho…" he hesitated, not sure what to say. Finally, "it's not for me to forgive you or not to forgive you. "Your past, your life… that has nothing to do with me."_

"_But your parents—"_

_He shook his head, understanding a little more of what she was getting at—a little more of what must have been eating her up inside from the very first moment she set foot on the Welshman and began making assumptions about him and the Captain. "My mother isn't the one who sold me into Service, Ms Cho. She died when I was just a kid. My uncle… he's the one who put me in the Red House."_

"_I'm sorry."_

"_It had __**nothing **__to do with you."_

_She didn't say anything. A long, uncomfortable silence passed between them before Kam asked her what happened. He kept his tone very carefully neutral; he had the sense she wanted to talk about it, but that she was afraid to. Or maybe just so riddled with guilt that it was hard for her. He'd never stopped to think before what it might be like for some of the parents who had sold their children; he'd just assumed they were all like his uncle… _and maybe all that assuming has gotten us both the wrong ideas about a lot things,_ he realized._

"_I… I got pregnant young. I… my parents… they said they didn't want anything to do with it. With me. They told me to get out."_

"_What about the father?"_

_Her laugh was bitter. Cold. "I never saw him again. I thought about terminating the pregnancy, but… but I was young."_

"_You thought you could do it on your own."_

_She nodded. "I was wrong. I didn't have any skills, I couldn't get a decent job and after the baby was born it was hard for me to work at all. We were barely scraping by. I was working whatever jobs I could get—I mean… I didn't… I wasn't…"_

_Kam nodded. She wasn't on her back, on her knees. She wasn't doing what he'd been forced to do—what her own son had been forced to into. By her. "What happened?" he asked._

"_A man came up to me in the market. He told me… he made it sound like such a good place, a safe place! He said… he promised me my son would have a good life, three meals a day, clean clothes… a bed. He said I could use the money they paid me to get a Certification. Then I could get a real job. He __**promised me**__ I could buy out my son's contract any time I wanted, for exactly the same amount of money they gave me. He said that with a Certification it wouldn't take me any time at all to earn enough. I could think of it as a loan and in the end… in the end I'd have enough money to give us both a better life. I couldn't get a loan any other way and I thought… I thought he would be safe."_

_He brushed his fingers across her cheeks, gently wiping away the tears. He knew his uncle hadn't cared whether or not he'd be safe, whether or not he would have food and clean clothes or a bed. But he wasn't surprised Red Houses used promises like that with someone like An, someone who was young and scared, someone struggling to take care of herself and her child. How many other people had they lied to, he wondered._

_She gave over an expectant look, like she was hoping he could tell her she hadn't been lied to about everything. _

"_I never went hungry," he could tell her that much, at least. "I had my own bed. My own room. I had clean clothes. And there are rules, the clients… Serves are protected. There are things clients aren't allowed to do."_

"_He was never supposed to go into Service! He was so little. He was just supposed to clean up…"_

"_There are little kids who do that," he told her; he didn't elaborate, however, on what else happened to the little ones. He'd never 'availed' himself, even when he became a Server and was allowed to use the kids for 'release'. He couldn't… the thought of it churned his stomach. "They lied to you, An," he used her first name without realizing it. " I never, ever heard of anyone whose contract was bought out before the House was done with them."_

"_I know that now. But back then, I was young. Naïve. I had nothing to give him, I thought… I thought I was doing the right thing. I'm so sorry."_

_He laid his hand on her arm; she leant in a little closer, accepting what little comfort he could give. "You didn't make the galaxy the way it is, An—Ms Cho," he told her gently. _

"_You can call me An," she said in a timid little voice, looking up at him through teary lashes._

_He smiled. "An," he repeated. "The Empire made things the way they are. They made people like you and me—but they made people like Jack, too. If he said he was going to get your son back, he will. He __**never**__ goes back on his word, ever."_

"_I just hope… I hope he can forgive me…" she gave over another hopeful look._

"_I hope so too," was all he could say._

"_Could you… if… if your uncle…?"_

"_No. But he never loved me. He never wanted me. You loved your son. I'm sure he knows that."_

_Her smile was thin, but she seemed to appreciate his candour. "Thank you, Mr Anders."_

"_It's Kam."_

"_Thank you, Kam."_

_._

The Welshman's young pilot took a moment more to study Jack's note before he re-read the words again. His partner's handwriting was looping, neat. Kam had expected the Captain's handwriting to be like Mr. Smeed's, a dreadful affair full of lines and hashes, barely readable. Instead, his penmanship was elegant, beautiful—his words were eloquent, much more so than when he spoke (at least for the most part.) It was almost completely at odds with the man who used a coffee table as a chair, squeezed the toothpaste tube from the middle, and kicked his boots off in front of the door where the next person coming in would trip on them if he didn't know to expect them there.

Even so, he missed him. Three months was too long.

.

_Kam, my Cariad,_

_I don't know yet how long Henry and I will be away, but I want you to know that I will be thinking of you every day that I'm not there with you. Know, too, that of all the things you've taught me (and there have been quite a few! —Don't let that go to your head, Mister!), that there is one that I hold the most dear: Miles, light years, __centuries__, don't matter. You kept me warm at night even when I didn't realize it was you who was lying there beside me in my dreams. I never expected to love anybody the way I loved you—the way I still love you. The way I will __**always**__ love you. _

_My life will go on forever, and my only hope is that someday, when this life is over, you'll find me again. Somehow. Somewhere. Somewhen. I can't promise that I'll ever be perfect, or that I'll drive you any less mad (if you could ask him, Ianto would tell you stories about just how crazy I drove him five centuries ago), but I can promise—I do promise—that as long as you're willing to put up with me, to come back for me, I will be here, waiting. I will always love you, always want you. Always need you. I will always be your friend._

_Most of all, Kam, I want you to know that I don't just love you for the past or even for the future. I love you for the present, for who you are today. I love you for everything that Kamden Anders is: My partner, my lover, my best friend. I will never, ever forget that Kamden Anders lived and that I loved him more than anything. I will never forget that you were the one who taught me how to live again—how to love again. I will never forget that you were the one who made me believe in the impossible. _

_Thank you._

_Forever my love,_

_XO,_

_Jack _

_._

Kam didn't know what the word 'XO' meant (or even what language it might be from), but something about those two little letters filled him with incredible warmth, like the memory of that big blue coat draped over his shoulders, something that had never happened in real life, but felt real just the same.

"You're my whole world too, Cariad," he whispered to him, even though he wasn't there. "You're everything that matters and I will _always_ come back for you. I love you so much… so much it hurts sometimes, but I don't care. I never want it to stop. Please come home to me soon."

_Please let him be all right out there,_ he added in silent prayer.


	5. Chapter 5

**A/N: IMPORTANT (sorry for yelling, but I wanted to make sure I had your attention: )**

Fair warning: Kase's story isn't a pretty one… I tried to keep the "details" to a minimum, but… well… it really is a time period that would make even Dickens cringe.

* * *

**Chapter Five**

"_Healing takes courage, and we all have courage, even if we have to dig a little to find it."_

Tori Amos

* * *

_Sorry…_ _**Sorry?**_ The word burned in Kase's mind, seared itself across his consciousness.

**Sorry**.

Sorry was what you said when you bumped into someone or… or when you weren't paying attention and you knew you should have been. Sorry was what you said when you spilled something. It was what you said when didn't know what you'd done wrong, but you knew you must have done something because you were about to be punished for it.

Sorry wasn't what you said when…

He gulped back the bitter taste in his mouth. He hadn't thought about her in so long! He didn't feel the moisture on his cheeks or hear the sob he choked back; he didn't realize he'd crumpled up the piece of paper and flung it across the cabin before curling up in the seat, his knees pulled up tight against his chest.

_**Sorry. **_Sorry was an insult. It was rubbing salt in an old wound that was long healed over… wasn't it?

Suddenly he realized he wasn't alone. He looked up expecting to see Captain Harkness. He didn't know what he was going to say to him, what he should say—what _could_ he say? But it wasn't him. Beautiful velvet brown eyes were gazing down on him from within a perfect porcelain skinned face.

Kase gulped in a mouthful of air and straightened himself, stammering out an apology while silently cursing himself for getting caught unaware _**again**_. How could he be so stupid?

_Sorry… _the word coming out of his own mouth made him hate her all the more. How could anybody be _**sorry**__… _"I'm sorry, Sir," he said again anyway. "It won't happen again, I promise… please…" _please just be a little bit patient with me… _everything had been turned on its ear, it was all a muddle. Why… his gaze caught sight of the crumpled paper in the corner. Why had Captain Harkness given him that? He didn't even know how to ask… "I can do better, really I can," he tried to say.

"It's all right," the other said simply; he didn't sound angry. "May I sit with you?"

The knot in his gut tightened. He didn't want to perform, not now! Not after… why had Captain Harkness shown him that! But he knew his place. Even if he didn't understand what was happening or why, he knew what was expected of him. "I would enjoy the company, Sir," he lied. _Breathe,_ he told himself. _Focus…_ _just focus in on the moment, on right now, on what he wants_… he glanced up at the beautiful man and told himself that all he had to do was get through each moment as it happened. It was what he'd always done, it was how he'd survived…

_Sorry… _in her letter she said how sorry she was, but sorry for what, he suddenly wondered. She'd been paid, what was there for her to be sorry about? He had been too little to know what it meant when she signed her name on the datapad, of course. He didn't know what was in the envelope they handed her. All he knew was that she was sending him away with strangers and that he didn't want to go, but all the pleading and the tears weren't enough to make her change her mind…

"_**Pleeeeeeeeease**__! I wanna stay with you! Thick n' thin, just like you said!" It was what she always told him. 'Me and you through thick and thin.' She called him her little man, she said he was her anchor—only now she was sending him away and he didn't know why! "Please, Mama, I don't want to go!"_

"_I'll come for you soon, I promise," she'd lied. _She told a lot of lies that day. She told him he would be safe, that the men to would take good care of him, that they would look after him. She said it was only for a little while. _"You'll see me again in no time and you'll make lots of new friends. Why, I bet you won't even miss me!" _

New friends. That's what she called the boys who held him down while he screamed as they took turns penetrating him. _**Friends**__._ He'd been _six_… the boys had only been a few years older; he'd been put into a dormitory room with five of them. Three of the boys forced him onto his stomach his first night there. They pulled down his pants while a fourth boy climbed on top of him. Tears rolled down his cheeks as he struggled to get away from the pain. (The fifth boy cowered on his bed, glad it wasn't him for a change.) When the boys got angry about his screaming and pleading, they shoved his underwear into his mouth so hard he almost choked on the coarse fabric. Later he realized that they didn't care about anyone hearing, that wasn't why they'd done it. They did for the same reason they did everything: Because they could. He'd already been processed in, examined… _marked_. He belonged to the Red House. His mother had signed away his rights. He'd watched her.

Even when the adults saw the bruises his dorm mates left on his arms and legs, from where they'd held him down, nobody said anything. He wouldn't have any kind of protection until he became a Server. (He was silently grateful to the clients who liked boys younger than the law permitted to Serve, at least officially—because of them, he'd gone into Service when he was eight. Those clients didn't care about a Server's skill and most of them were nice; they brought sweets and candies and spoke in soft tones and they never hit him. And since there weren't very many people with that particular predilection who could afford the luxury, he only saw a couple of clients a week. Even then, he managed to cultivate regulars, men—and a few women—who asked for _him_ to Serve them especially. Because of them, because he had become an asset to the House, he was given his own room and the full protection of the House Rules.)

He shook himself out of the haze of memory. The past didn't matter. All that mattered was here and now, and now just like then, he had to please the client—only now, the clients owned his contract. These men could do anything they wanted to, to him; he didn't have the protection of the House out here. He didn't have anything.

At least with Captain Aarons… _but he doesn't want me,_ he reminded himself. He knew that shouldn't bother him, but after six years...

The auburn haired man sat down in the seat next to him. "Are you all right?"

"Yes, Sir, perfectly, Sir," he lied. He realized he was crying. Hastily he wiped the moisture from his cheeks. "I'm sorry, Sir." The last thing this man wanted to see was tears. He was supposed to smile and pretend that he was happy, pretend that he enjoyed it when they used his body. His body was meant to be used. "What…" he cleared his throat and tried again. "How may I Serve you, Sir?"

"Henry," the man told him.

He forced a smile. "Master Henry—"

"Just Henry."

He blinked. Only equals called one another by their first names. He wasn't this man's equal!

The other got to his feet. "Come with me," he held out his hand.

Kase wasn't sure his legs were going to work, but he forced himself to stand anyway; thankfully, his knees didn't buckle under him. He accepted the outstretched hand. The auburn haired man's skin was cool. Kase forced another smile. "I look forward…"

"Shhh," he brushed chilly fingers against his lips. "We're just going to the galley. You look like you could use a cup of tea."

Galley.

Tea.

He nodded. He was theirs, they could do whatever they wanted, but…

_**Sorry. **_The word refused to go away. He felt himself shaking. Why had Captain Harkness shown him that!

"Your mother has been looking for you for a long time, Kase," the other man told him, almost as if he could read his thoughts... or maybe it was the look on his face giving him away. Either way, he didn't have an answer, so he just let himself be led below decks to… it really was just to the galley. There were two tables with four chairs each; the counters were white and clean… it didn't look as if the ship were intended for long trips. The auburn haired man… Henry… sat him down at one of the tables and set about making tea.

"You shouldn't…" he started to say, but it wasn't his place to tell his betters what they should and shouldn't be doing. "I just meant to say… that is, Sir, begging your pardon, Sir…"

"Enough with the 'Sir'. It's just Henry. Your mother works for Jack," he went on in an easy, conversational tone. "She asked him to help find you."

It felt like a cold hand tightening into a fist inside his gut. "She knew where I was."

….

Jack looked up expectantly from the nav controls when Henry came back into the cockpit. His former lover was right, he'd made a muddle of it with Kase, with all his snarling and snapping and huffing and puffing, but he couldn't help it. The situation was getting to him more than he thought it would, it was too close to home. When he looked at Kase Cho, all he could see was Kam, where he could have ended up. Admittedly (begrudgingly so), Aarons didn't seem like an all-bad sort, but all he could think about was what would have happened if Kam had ended up anywhere else, if he hadn't found the courage to go up to Jimmy… if James hadn't felt compassion for the half-starved kid and offered him a job. _If I hadn't let Henry talk me into giving him a chance to accept me… _he brushed his fingers up against the ring.

Forever.

"How is he?" he asked.

"I gave him something more comfortable to change into and 'suggested' he get some sleep." His tone was cool; stiff. He slid into the chair next to Jack's. "He's a mess," he finally told the Captain what he already knew. "I don't know if he's ever going to be able to face his mother, Jack."

"I promised An I'd give him enough time to think about it."

"I know. I also know how much you miss you Kam. His life is so short compared to yours or mine. Why don't you get some sleep, too," he suggested, before the other could answer. Unlike his suggestion to Kase, his suggestion to the other immortal man was nothing more than friendly advice. "You haven't slept in three days," he pointed out.

"You either."

He shrugged. "No sun. No urge to 'sleep.'"

Jack shot over a startled look. "You don't—"

"Jack, I haven't slept… I haven't slept the same way you do, as infrequently as that is, since I was mortal."

"I don't sleep the same way other people do," his tone was soft. When Henry reached for his hand, he twined his fingers into his and held on tight. "The worst thing about finding him again is the fear… it's knowing that someday I'm going to lose him again, Henry. I'm not sure… I don't know if I can do it…" the words came out choked.

Henry gave his hand another tight squeeze. "Of course you can. He's given you a rare and precious gift, Jack. He's given you forever."

"Is it fair?"

"What do you think either Ianto or Kam would say?"

He forced a smile—realized it wasn't entirely forced. "That maybe in another thousand years I might finally learn to put a coaster under my coffee cup and he wants to be around to see it."

"I should hope he realizes that it's going to take more than a thousand years for_ that_ to happen…"


	6. Chapter 6

**A/N:**

Anuskha - Good question! Henry has synthasized blood, the same way the Welshman has synthasized protein in place of meat... of course Henry also has Jack, who really wouldn't hesitate.

* * *

**Chapter Six:**

"_If you want to build a ship, don't drum up people together to collect wood and don't assign them tasks and work,  
but rather teach them to long for the endless immensity of the sea"_

Antoine de Saint-Exupery

* * *

Kase shifted uncomfortably in the strange bed—it wasn't much more than a bunk set into the wall of the darkened dormitory cabin, but there was plenty of space for him to stretch out and roll around… too much space. Two people could have fit in there easily.

His heart squeezed up into his throat as he choked back another sob and tried to remember any little detail about his mother that he could… all he could see in his mind's eye was a woman with dark hair and chocolate brown eyes… not that he'd had much chocolate as a kid. Her skin was like his, exotic and golden—his eyes were green, however.

He remembered a smile, her smile… a birthday? There was a tiny wrapped present… a cloth bear… it wasn't special to his adult eyes, but he remembered clinging to it… it smelled like her. She told him how much she loved him… he remembered how good it felt to be loved. Nothing else mattered in all the world but her.

"_She's not coming for you," one of the boys who had brutalized him the night before told him. "Your mother sold you."_

"_She promised!" _

She promised.

But promises were meant to be broken. Words were just words, they didn't mean anything. If they did, he wouldn't be lying alone in the dark without even the sound of another person's breathing to comfort him.

He closed his eyes tight, but the tears came anyway. He didn't even know why. There was _**no reason**_ he should be missing Captain Aarons so much! _He never even __**cared **__about me! _But then why did he say he loved him? Why would he bother? He belonged to the old man, he couldn't go anywhere, he couldn't leave—he couldn't even choose not to have sex with the Captain if he didn't feel like it. He knew his place. He knew better than to disappoint. He didn't need to feel loved… _but it had been such an incredible feeling... _being loved had felt so good. For the first time in so long someone told him they loved him. Someone bought him presents… _Only it wasn't real._

He hugged himself as tightly as he could but the hollow feeling wouldn't go away. He felt like he was drowning beneath the surface of his own thoughts, his own memories, and he couldn't stop himself from going further below the icy waves…

"_You have a very nice cabin, Sir," he forced a smile at the old man who had bought out his contract from the house. He chuckled at the remark and told him to make himself at home… _home… _it was an odd word. He wasn't sure he'd ever felt 'at home' anywhere, except for maybe his room at the Red House… but it was strange to think of that place as home, even though it was the only home he'd ever really known. _

_He sat down gingerly on the bed, giving a tentative look up at the man who owned his contract—the man who owned him. He didn't seem to object to his sitting there… in fact, he hadn't given any indication that he might want Kase to have his own room or anything, not that he'd expected…. He glanced around the cabin again. It was huge compared to his room at the Red House… he bit back the glimmer of hope that he might actually be allowed to live here and focused in on the moment. He shifted his gaze back to the Captain's face. He's Served him lots of times, so he knew what he liked… _

_The old man's grin was comforting; it meant he was pleased by the way he reached out for him, undid his trousers, slid his hand under his shorts, began to caress him just so… _

"_You're an eager little buck, I'll give you that," Aarons told him. He ran his fingers gently through the young man's hair—then suddenly he grasped a handful of it at the base of his neck, clinching his fist shut so tightly that tears stung at Kase's eyes. Aarons held him there like that, just studying his face as if he was lost in thought, while Kase continued to caress him, bringing him to full arousal, heedless of how much he was hurting him. _

_Aarons pulled him into a rough, kiss. "And now you're all mine," he growled into the young man's ear. "How does that make you feel, Boy?"_

"_Happy, Sir. Very happy," he told him; it was true. He only had to answer to this one man and while he could be a little rough, like now, he didn't mind. This was nothing. __He couldn't move his head, the Captain still had hold of his hair, but he gave over a wanting look and was rewarded by another rough kiss before the old man pushed him back down onto the bed and told him to take his pants off and roll over… _

This time, he heard the sound of the approaching footsteps. He wanted to pretend to be asleep, but if they wanted him, they would just wake him up anyway, so it didn't really matter. It might even be worse—after all, this would mark the_ third_ time he hadn't heard them coming for him. _Better not take the chance._ He caught a whiff of Captain Harkness's cologne before he rolled over; he would have preferred it if it was his partner. But what he wanted didn't matter.

Kase forced a smile and rolled around to face the man with the hard blue eyes. "Hello, Sir," he said by way of greeting. At least his voice wasn't shaky; the rest of him was.

"Sorry if I woke you."

"You didn't, Sir," he told him honestly, as he wiped the tears from his cheeks. He should have wiped his face before he rolled over. He had to pull himself together!

The Captain shoved his hands into his trouser pockets, "I erm…" he cleared his throat ducked his head a bit. "I'm sorry I ambushed you earlier. You didn't deserve that."

"Sir?"

"Jack, remember?"

Kase nodded. "Yes, Sir." He remembered his name. "What… what would you like, Sir?" he asked him.

The other hesitated a long moment. "Why don't you scoot over?" he said at last.

Wordlessly, the Cyprian slid over towards the wall. He wished he could figure these two out. As he watched the Captain unlacing his boots, the nervous flutter turned into an earthquake in his gut. He told himself that he could do this, he was good, he knew he was good! He was still attractive; he had a few years left… _don't I? _If he could just prove to them that he was a worthwhile acquisition…

"You haven't slept by yourself in a while, have you?" the Captain asked, before he climbed in. His tone was impossible to interpret.

"No, Sir," he confessed, forcing down another sob. He _**shouldn't**_ miss Captain Aarons so much.

Gentle fingers brushed away his tears. Captain Harkness… Jack… Master Jack… he didn't know what to call him, but whoever he was, he ran his hand gently over his face. He brushed the strands of hair off his forehead. His expression seemed to soften.

Kase gave up on trying to talk and just reached out towards the Captain's body. He couldn't form the words, didn't know how to say how much he wanted to please him… he didn't want to, not right now, but he knew his place. He could show him how good he was. He had to. He had to prove to them both—

Harkness stepped back. _"Don't."_

He froze. "I'm sorry, Sir. I just thought…" what else could he want? Of course he knew the sorts of things men wanted, but in the cramped confines of the bunk there wasn't much room for more exotic exploits. There would barely be room enough for the other man to crawl on top of him.

But he was shaking his head. "I didn't mean to snap at you. I don't want… I'm not interested in bedding you, ok? I've got a partner."

"I don't understand." What difference did whether or not he had a partner make?

"I figured maybe you could use some company, that's all. If you want me to go…"

"No, Sir, please don't," he begged. The last thing he wanted was to be left along again. "What do you want from me?" he couldn't keep himself from asking the question, because if they didn't want him for his bedroom skills, then what?

Jack Harkness didn't answer. He slid into the bunk with him and put his arms around him. He pulled him in close and held him. He smelled _so_ good. He was warm… strong. Kase relaxed against him, he couldn't help himself. He closed his eyes and for just a second, he allowed himself to enjoy the sensation of being held. He felt so ragged, so raw inside… but in that moment, he felt just a little better, a little less raw and worn out. He knew it wouldn't last, but…

"Why don't you try to get some sleep," the older man suggested in a quiet tone. "Unless… you wanna talk?" he offered.

"About what, Sir?"

"Anything you want."

He swallowed hard, but shook his head. "No, Sir."

Jack nodded. "All right." He closed his eyes a moment. Then, "I… we'd like to take you back to my ship," he told him, after a couple of moments of what seemed like almost easy silence had passed between them; it was hard to tell with Kase whether or not the silence was really comfortable. He'd had more years of 'training' than Kam, _and he seems so much more broken… _he wondered if it was that he was older, that he'd been sold into Service so much younger than Kam, or if maybe… _maybe having dreams of me to cling to… _but that was a selfish thought. He'd been nothing to Kam but a dream, a phantom in his imagination.

Except that he _was_ real. Only he wasn't dreaming of the young man, he was just… just coasting through his life. He hadn't known to be looking for him, waiting… hoping. He'd given up on things to hope for.

"Whatever you want, Sir," the young man's voice drew him from his thoughts—his longing. Henry was right, he missed Kam.

Jack shook his head. "This isn't about what I want. It's not even about what An wants. It's about what _you_ want."

He looked genuinely startled. "Sir?"

"Listen to me. I know… I do know what you've been through, but I want you to know that the galaxy… the Empire… everyone isn't like that. Not everybody is out to hurt you, Kase."

"I… I don't understand."

The immortal stifled a sigh. _How could he? _"I know. I just… I want you to think about it, that's all."

"About what, Sir?"

He shifted so he could look the other in the face. "Your mother misses you, Kase," in his arms the boy tensed. "I know you don't believe that. You've got no reason to believe it. She gave you away—"

He cut him off. "She got paid," he said, then tensed again. Everybody knew someone in his position shouldn't talk back.

"You're right. She got paid. But that doesn't mean she hasn't regretted that decision every second of every day since she made it. She knows it was a mistake, Kase. They lied to her—the people from the Red House. They told her she could buy back your contract before you were old enough to go into Service. I'm betting they knew she'd never be able to pay them back."

Tears glistened in the young man's eyes; he bit back another sob, another brash statement.

Jack shifted again, looked the boy's wrists more closely than he had before—not that he hadn't seen before that thick decorative designs had been inked over the House tattoos. Aarons hadn't had them removed, he'd just covered them up with his own mark of ownership.

"They marked me the day I got to the Red House," Kase told him in a detached tone, like he wasn't fully aware he was speaking. "Nothing had ever hurt so much. I thought they were cutting my hands off. But that was nothing compared to…" he shook himself. "I started Serving when I was eight. I know that's not legal…" he looked up suddenly. "I didn't mind, really… it was good…I wanted to!" he sounded scared, like he knew he'd just said something he shouldn't have and was trying desperately to backpedal.

Jack pulled him closer, held on a little tighter. "It_ wasn't_ good, Kase." Fourteen was bad enough, but _**eight**_… "You couldn't have asked for that."

"It wasn't like I'd never done it before." His tone was bitter; he hesitated again, but then kept going. "They were all so nice to me—the clients, I mean. But then I got too old. I was only twelve…I… I'm sorry, Sir… I'm sure you don't care…"

"I _do_ care."

He felt the boy swallow hard. He understood. He doubted Kase had ever met anyone who cared about anything but how good he was between the sheets. "I don't know why people do the things they do," Jack told him. "All I know is… is that someday things will be different, Kase. Someday the Human Empire will live up to its name, it will be great and bountiful. You won't live to see it, but it _will _happen, I promise you it will. Your children, your children's children… someday things _**will **_be better." He wasn't sure Kase believed him. It didn't really matter. "Your Mom wants to see you. It's up to you. If you're not up to it, if you never want to see her again—it's your choice, but… she misses you so much."

Kase looked up at him, but he didn't say anything. He didn't look like he knew what to say; Jack doubted he'd ever been in a position where he had a whole lot of choices about anything.

"Why don't you sleep on it?" he suggested.

The younger man nodded. Then… "May… may I ask you a personal question, Sir?"

"Sure."

He hesitated a moment more before asking if he had any children.

"I… I used to. They're grown now," he explained, telling Kase the closest thing to the truth that he could.

"Would you ever…could you sell your children, Sir?"

"No," he didn't have to think about the answer, although he supposed that maybe he should have paused, just a second, to pretend to think about it. "I was never in the position your mother was in, Kase and… and I did give up my children," he admitted. "My… one of my daughters, when her mother kicked me out… I didn't fight for either of them." Alice. Lucia. He never fought for them… and maybe it wouldn't have been fair to fight Luce for the relationship, for her, but he should have fought for his daughter.

He shouldn't have abandoned his and Laura's girls after she died… _but I didn't know how to take care of them. _He'd never been a parent before, not really… there was Jason, but Roan was raising him. He was too busy chasing off across time and space with John… and the other former Time agent was hardly the only person occupying his bed back then. He'd been so busy trying to run away from himself… sometimes he wondered if John wasn't just as lost as he'd been… he wondered if he ever found himself…

He knew shouldn't have let Mari walk away, either, after she told him she was pregnant and it was his… She'd had Euwen, she wasn't alone, but still, he shouldn't have walked way. _Only walking away is something Jack Harkness is good at,_ the cynical little part of his brain reminded him. Kase's voice sliced through his thoughts; he was just as grateful for the distraction.

"But you didn't sell them, Sir. You only walked away. It's not the same thing, Sir." It sounded like it was taking all the courage the boy could muster to say the words.

"Yeah. You're right," he cleared his throat. But, "I wasn't in the same place your mother was," he told him again. "She… she had nothing, Kase."

"She had me," he bit back a sob, wiping the fresh trickle of tears away from his cheeks. "All I ever wanted… I'm sorry, Sir."

"You have _nothing_ to apologize for. And it's just Jack," he added in an intentionally gentle tone. The boy looked scared, but he nodded, seeming to accept that much at least. "Get some sleep," Jack suggested to him.

"Will… would you stay a while?"

"Yeah. Yeah, I'll stay," he feathered a soft kiss to the young man's forehead, hoping he'd managed to make just a little bit of headway… hoping he wasn't being completely selfish in wanting to get back to Kam as badly as he did.


	7. Chapter 7

**Chapter Seven:**

"_To know how to free oneself is nothing; the arduous thing is to know what to do with one's freedom"_

Andre Gide quotes

* * *

Even before he opened his eyes, Kase knew where he was; for half a second, a moment before, before sleep had fully left him, he'd thought (hoped) that maybe the whole thing had been a bad dream—but then he caught a whiff of the strong spice and musk and sweetness… Captain Jack Harkness. He could tell by the man's breathing that he was still asleep. Kase peered out into the darkened room and looked at the clock set into the wall. It had been nearly eight hours since the Captain laid down next to him.

All they'd done was sleep. No, that wasn't completely true. They'd talked. Captain Harkness had talked to him. _**To**_ him. To _**him**_, in a way that no one ever had before, not even Captain Aarons. Harkness did more than talk, he listened to him, invited him to talk about things… _about things he shouldn't have wanted to hear. _

He glanced down at his own wrists again. He remembered how happy he'd been the day Captain Aarons told him he was getting a real tattoo artist to do something about the House's markings. It meant he really was going to keep him. It meant… it didn't mean anything.

His insides churned. He closed his eyes a long moment.

Next to him, Harkness murmured something incomprehensible; he opened eyes to see if he was awake, but he wasn't. He twitched a little in his sleep… smiled. He had a beautiful smile, Kase decided. Whoever he was smiling at in his dreams was lucky to be favoured by a smile like that. He'd noticed the ring the Captain wore on the chain around his neck; he was sure it was wedding ring. His partner didn't have a corresponding ring on either his finger or on a chain around _his_ neck. The young man presumed it meant that this wasn't Harkness's first pairing… although he wasn't sure why he cared.

_Survival,_ he told himself. The more he knew about the people who owned his contract that better he would be able to please them… only they didn't seem to want to use him. The only thing Harkness would tell him was…

The knot in his stomach tightened. His mother. She wanted to see him. She worked for Harkness. She was sorry.

Carefully so as not to wake the older man, Kase slipped past him and got out of the bunk; no one had told him he had to stay there. No one had told him anything, no list of do's and don'ts to guide his behavior—that as much as anything was making him feel like he was walking on glass. How could he avoid doing the things they didn't like if they didn't tell him?

Swallowing back a mouthful of fear, he crept out of the dormitory cabin, noticing that the other bunks were empty. Master Henry… just Henry… must still be in the cockpit. He didn't want to disturb him and finding the necessary wasn't difficult. Since they hadn't told him where he should go to clean himself up, he went in. It was a huge room with all of the usual plumbing, but so much nicer than even the guest washrooms in the Red House! He wasn't sure he should really be in there, if there was another lavatory they wanted him to use. Clearly this was where both of the other men attended to their personal needs; there were a pair of toothbrushes, razor, aftershave… it wasn't whatever Harkness used, though, it was Henry's, he recognized the scent. It made him smile.

Cold water on his face and the back of his neck felt good, too.

And no one burst in to tell him he didn't belong there. No one came in at all. He finished his business, wishing he had his toiletry bag but not wanting to bother Master Henry… Henry… even though he needed to shave… unless they preferred that he didn't…?

"I thought you could use this."

Kase jumped.

"Sorry," Henry set the young man's meagre bag down at his feet.

"I… I didn't hear you, Sir."

"Henry."

"Henry," he forced himself to say the man's name. It seemed to make him happy. He really hadn't heard him… it wasn't just that he was lost in thought… "Do you need… I mean… I'm done if…"

"Take your time. Have a shower if you like," he added, nodding towards shower stall. "Everything's pretty straightforward," he told him of the shower controls. "Is Jack still asleep?"

"Yes, Sir. I… was I supposed to stay…?"

"Of course not. Kase, you can come and go as you like here. All right?"

"Yes, Sir. Thank you, Sir. Henry."

His smile was warm. "Better. I'm going to fix some breakfast, see if that doesn't rouse Captain Lazy Head back there—after you finish up in here, why don't you join us in the galley?"

"Thank you. Sir…" he called as the other turned to go. "I… I know you said I could come and go as I please, but is there any place on the ship that's off limits, Sir? I… I wouldn't want to do anything to offend you. Either of you."

Henry chuckled softly; it was a dangerous sound. "If there was any place we didn't want you to go, you wouldn't be able to get there."

He swallowed hard; he had the distinct feeling that there were indeed places he wasn't welcome, but he had no choice but to trust the auburn haired man to his word and not worry about it. "Yes, Sir," he told him. Then, "Henry," he amended again.

The other nodded his approval and took his leave.

Kase took another deep breath and let it out again. He was very sure he didn't ever want to be on the wrong end of Master Henry's temper. He doubted he wanted to be on the other end of Captain Harkness's either. He shook himself and finished cleaning up, glad to be able to shave, to brush his teeth…and the shower was pure Heaven. He dressed himself carefully. Neither Henry nor Jack had seemed impressed with what he'd worn yesterday and even if they didn't seem to want his body, he still wanted to present himself in a way that would please them. He didn't have much to choose from in his bag, but he selected the loosest fitting jeans he owned and a comfortable button up shirt. Harkness seemed to be more casual than his partner; he hoped at least one of them would like the way he looked.

He cleaned up after himself carefully, wiping down the shower stall and the sink before putting all of his things back into his bag. He wasn't sure what to do with the clothes he'd been given to sleep in, but since they were still clean, he took them, and his bag, back to the dormitory cabin. Captain Harkness wasn't there anymore. Master Henry's tactic of cooking breakfast must have worked. He couldn't help the little smile that crept over his face; it must be nice to have a partner, somebody who knew you so well… his thoughts turned bitter. Nobody would ever want to know him like that. Before going onto the galley, Kase made the bunk he'd slept in (Captain Harkness's scent was lingering on the sheets) and stowed his bag in the drawer under it.

"Just in time!" Harkness greeted him with a broad bgrin when he reached the galley.

"Jack was about to eat up the last of the pancakes," Henry's tone was jovial, too. Joking. In response, the Captain shot over a scowl that was clearly feigned. There was a platter filled with strange, flat round little 'cakes' sitting on the table. There seemed to be plenty. "Pull up a chair and help yourself," the auburn haired man handed him a plate from one of the cupboards. He passed over cutlery as well.

"Thank you, Sir. It smells wonderful," he added truthfully.

"Mine are better," Jack told him.

"Yes, Jack, but when you cook, we need a disaster squad just to clean the kitchen," Henry replied without missing a beat.

The Captain scowled again. "I think you spent too much time listening to Ianto moan."

Kase didn't see the look that passed between them—it was barely noticeable, anyway. And even if he had seen it, he couldn't have known that that was the first time Henry had heard the other mention his long-dead husband without a look of pain clouding over his face. He didn't know how happy that made him.

Henry didn't say anything about it, though, he just took the syrup out of Jack's hand and gave it over to their young guest. "Help yourself to anything you like," he told him.

"I was using that you know," Jack informed with another feigned scowl.

"Jack, honestly," Henry shook his head at him. "That's your third helping."

"I'm a growing boy!"

Henry rolled his eyes.

Kase couldn't help but smile some more—although he felt entirely uncertain of what to do with the foreign food or the bottle of syrup he'd been handed.

Henry seemed to notice his hesitation. "You don't have to use as much as he does," he told him. "Unless of course you want your teeth to rot out of your head. It's maple—it's sweet," he told the boy.

He nodded his thanks and poured a moderate helping—

"You can use more than that," Jack interjected.

"Leave off. Not everybody is as much of a glutton as you."

"Once upon a time you found me charming."

"Once upon a time you _were _charming, Captain."

With a disgruntled look, Jack helped himself to more pancakes and a lot more syrup while Kase went to work on his own plate.

"This is delicious," he told Henry earnestly after he'd tried a bite. He'd never had anything like it.

The other beamed with pleasure at the compliment. "Thank you."

"Mine are still better," grumbled Jack.

Henry merely chuckled. He moved behind the Captain's chair and pressed a tender kiss to the top of his head. "Yes, but I remember what happened the last time I let you at my kitchen, Jack," he said softly. "Now eat your breakfast. I cooked, you can clean."

"Yes, your Grace," he droned.

Henry's eyes shone with good humour. "And don't you forget that, Captain. I outrank you." He pressed another kiss to the top of his head and took his leave.

Kase realized he was staring… they were both beautiful, but it was more that. They were beautiful _together_. He'd never felt so at ease with anyone, even his peers, that he could talk to them the way Jack and Henry talked to each other. In the House, he knew better than to form friendships; most of the Servers were only out for themselves, their own preservation. He understood the instinct for survival and he was certainly all about protecting himself, but he refused to allow himself to become the kind of person who would do to someone else the kinds of things that were done to him by his dorm mates. He took no pleasure in hurting other people.

"Coffee?" Harkness asked him, pulling him out of his thoughts (he didn't realize how apparent it was that he'd been lost.)

"I… yes, Sir. Thank you," he forced a smile. "I'll get it," he said when the Captain got up. Nobody should serve him, especially not his… his whatever Jack really was to him. No matter what he wanted to be called, he still owned his contract.

The blue eyed man shrugged and waved him back to his seat when he started to rise. "Milk and sugar?" he asked.

"However you're taking yours."

The Captain smirked, "_Some people _think I use too much sugar." He filled up his own cup and a clean one, setting the latter down next to the young man. He passed over the sugar bowl and creamer—only Henry would have actual China… well, he was sure Kam might if he ever got the chance. Ianto had… he resumed his seat. "It'll take about two months to get back to my ship," he told the young man next to him. It would take less time if the _Welshman_ met them halfway, but he wasn't sure how important his head really was to the Empire. He didn't want to risk his crew… Kam… God, he never thought he could miss someone so much! But he wasn't going to risk his safety, the safety of the rest of his crew, just to get to him a few weeks sooner. They had a rendezvous point. As soon as they were on their way, Henry would send the an encrypted signal, let them know it was time to meet.

And he realized Kase was waiting for him to say more. "If you don't want to stay with me and my ship, Henry can take you back to Omega Station with him. From there you can get just about anywhere you like."

"Sir?"

"I need to get home," he told him earnestly. He reached up instinctively for the ring on the chain around his neck. The metal was smooth… warm to his touch. He remembered a perfect spring morning, a nervous Welshman… a devastatingly handsome Welshman… Ianto had fussed so much, every detail had to be just perfect and in the end it was. In the end they were married and nothing else mattered to him but that. He cleared his throat. "I have to get back to my ship," he repeated. "But that doesn't mean you have to stay there." He and Henry had had a chance to talk about it before Kase joined them for breakfast—joined _him_ for breakfast. Henry, ever aware of other's sensibilities, had fed himself from the stash of synthesized blood before even Jack got to the galley. So far, it didn't look like Kase had noticed he hadn't eaten with them. He hoped they'd be able to keep him from noticing. Henry's secret was harder to keep than his. "Just think about it," Jack told the young man again what he'd said last night. "You don't need to decide right now."

"I… I'm not sure I understand you, Sir."

"Look… Kase… I reckon this is all confusing for you, but it comes down to this: from now on, you're your own person. What you do, who you do with—it's up to you. I'm not telling you you have to stay on my ship or even set foot on him if you don't want to. I just need to get back. What you do is up to you."

The boy paled. He opened his mouth, but couldn't seem to formulate words.

Jack sighed; he had the feeling he'd just made things worse. "Why don't we try it this way," he suggested. "You've gotta have a million questions. How about you just ask me what you want to know and I'll do my best to answer?"

The young man considered for a long moment; it looked like he had a thousand conflicting emotions going on inside him. Finally, "Who do I belong to?" he asked.

The immortal pushed back his plate. It figured he'd ask the hardest question first. "Henry bought your contract," he told him the truth. "He bought it so I could take you back to my ship, if you want to go, because your mother asked for my help—more than anything, she wants to know you're safe," he said when Kase tensed up visibly. "It's up to you whether or not you want to see her. She wants to see you," he added, "but the decision is yours."

"But… if Master Henry bought my contract… I should go with him… and you two… you're not together?"

"No. We used to be," he explained, figuring the kid must have picked up on the intimacy that he and Henry still enjoyed. "As far as your contract goes, as soon as you're ready, as soon as you can make it on your own, you're your own person, Kase. Henry is going to sign your contract over to you." Jack almost regretted telling him—it looked like Kase was going to be ill. "Hey…hey it's ok," he slid his arm around the young man's shoulders. "You can make it on your own, Kase."

"I… I only know one thing, Sir… Master Jack…"

"We'll help you figure something out, I pomise."

"But…" he looked down at his wrists.

"Those can be removed."

Tears stung at his eyes. "I… how could I ever afford that?"

"We'll figure it out… Kase… listen to me, I know it's a lot to take in," he remembered telling Kam that he'd bought out his contract, that he was signing it over to him. He'd been scared too, _but not like this. _ Because Kam had other skills, he already had a job. He wasn't entirely confident in himself, at least not then—sometimes he still had flashes of doubt—but he'd come such a long way. Jack's heart surged with a mix of pride and joy… longing. He knew he was rushing things with Kase… "Look at me," he said in tone the other couldn't disobey. "You are good for more than one thing, Kase. I know it's hard to understand, to even think about right now. You've only known one thing your whole life, but you can't let that define you." He wiped the tears away from the young man's cheeks. "If you want to, you can stay on my ship for a while, until you figure yourself out. It's safer for you there than someplace like Omega," he fibbed; although it was true, it wasn't the only reason he was discouraging Kase from wanting to go with Henry. Not that Katy couldn't handle him, he was sure she could, even (especially) with the looks Kase had given the other immortal several times already. Whether it was that vampire magnitism of Henry's or genuine lust, Jack wasn't sure. "Omega Station is a big, unfriendly place. If you want to go there, you can," he said, Henry would take him willingly, "But I think you'll be more comfortable on the _Welshman_. I've got a small crew. They're all good people. No one is going to expect you to get on your knees, Kase, not on my ship."

"Whatever… whatever you think is best…"

"It's up to _you_. You don't have to decide anything right now," he told him again.

Dumbly, the boy nodded. He was still shaking.

"Why don't you eat a little more breakfast and then you can give me a hand cleaning up. Sound good?"

Kase just nodded again; he didn't look like he felt like eating, but he tried and managed to finish half his food.

"Can… can I ask you a question?" he inquired at length.

"You can ask anything you want," Jack told him.

"Why… why are you doing all this? Either of you?"

"Your mother is a member of my crew. She asked for my help."

"But… why? Why would you help her just because she's a member of your crew? Is she…?"

He understood the question the boy seemed afraid to ask. Was she his partner—and if not, what had she given or promised him in return for his help? "I care about the people who work for me. There's nothing I wouldn't do for any one of them."

"But… my contract… whose going to pay for that?"

"Henry already paid for it."

"Then I should belong to him," he began, his tone pitched between hope and fear.

"Technically, right now, you do. Kase, Henry doesn't want your contract. He bought it as a favour to me—and because he's got the money. Your contract is going to get signed over to you. You aren't going to owe anyone anything. We can even do it now, if you want."

He shook his head. He wasn't ready for something like that. He wasn't ready for any of this…

* * *

**_Next Chapter:_**

___Back to the Welshman to catch up with some of the crew and then Jack and Kam are finally reunited... yes, it's written, but I'm falling asleep at the keyboard over here, so it'll have to wait until tomrrow to post :) Happy Friday, everybody!_


	8. Chapter 8

**A/N:  
thank you again **for the amazing response this has gotten! I really appreciate everybody who has reviewed, favourited/alert listed this or just plain keeps reading, even if you never speak up to tell me. Obviously everybody loves reviews, they help me know my work is being enjoyed and sometimes even guide the direction the story goes—but just knowing that people are reading is an amazing feeling.

The next one will be up by the end of the week…it's in my head, but I've got to do a bunch of other stuff before I can get it on "paper".

* * *

**Chapter Eight:**

"_A loving relationship is one in which the loved one is free to be himself - to laugh with me, but never at me;  
to cry with me, but never because of me; to love life, to love himself, to love being loved.  
Such a relationship is based upon freedom and can never grow in a jealous heart."_

Leo F. Buscaglai

* * *

Two hours, five minutes, thirty two seconds and then Jack would be home. After five long months, two hours (five minutes and twenty nine seconds) should be nothing, but to Kam it felt like forever.

The sound of his partner's voice on the message he sent two weeks ago—the tiny personal message he'd included for Kam—had made the young pilot feel like he was light enough to walk on air. Just the sound of his voice, knowing without a shadow of a doubt that he was all right, that he was on his way home and would be there in only _one hour, fifty eight minutes, thirty seven seconds_… the main message was that they were two weeks out from the rendezvous point and wanted to confirm that the _Welshman_ would be there on time. _We'll be there,_ he promised Jack silently. He would fly through the heart of a sun to get to him if he had to.

The weeks had _dragged_ by, especially given some of the things the older man said to him in that personal message; a lot could be said in only a few minutes, especially when the person doing the talking was Captain Jack Harkness. But the most important words were the simplest: _I love you. I miss you._

Kam glanced at the clock on the navigation console again. One hour, fifty one minutes, sixteen seconds… the last two hours were dragging on even slower than the last two weeks had. He was sure he wasn't the only person feeling that way.

He glanced over to An's station; she wasn't on the bridge tonight, Julian Kyle was filling in for her. It had been Jule's idea, but Kam was just as glad he'd volunteered to give An the night off. By now the whole crew suspected that whatever the Captain was off 'taking care of', it had something to do with An Cho— it was nearly impossible to keep a secret on a ship the size of the _Welshman. _But no one knew exactly what it was about, and no one pressed the communication's specialist about it, either.

The only people who anything at all, besides the _Welshman's _pilot, were Anna, Julian and Mr Smeed—if An had confided in anyone herself, Kam didn't know, but he doubted it. As First Officer and ship's doctor, Mr Smeed and Dr Raynor had the right to know why the Captain was leaving the ship for so long—or more accurately, Mr Smeed had demanded an explanation for the older man's 'irresponsible junket' back into Empire territory. He didn't seem to like Henry much, or at it hadn't sounded like he did, when he cornered Jack in his office that night. Kam would have made a strategic exit, but… but he didn't want to leave Jack alone with Mr Smeed that angry, even though he knew the Captain could handle James Smeed just fine all on his own. Discussions between the First Officer and Captain weren't meant for his ears—even though Jack quite frequently brought him into command level meetings that had nothing to do with his rank or posting aboard the ship. When asked, he always said the same thing: _You're my partner._

_Partner_… the word still made Kam's heart swell. He touched the ring on the chain around his neck again… when he closed his eyes he could feel a big blue coat draped over his shoulders, he could smell the ocean… the 'memories' brought such warmth and it all started and ended with one man.

_**Two**__ men, _he corrected himself. Him and Jack together as partners. **_Forever_**... it was almost as good a word as _**partners**._

_One hour, thirty two minutes, thirty nine seconds_…

An had also received a private transmission from the Captain two (agonizingly long) weeks ago. She'd been more withdrawn than usual after listening to it. Kam could guess why. Her son wasn't anxious to see her. He wasn't sure he would be either, if he was in her son's boots right now.

_But my mother had a job, _he reminded himself_._ _She was older and knew more._ By her own admission, An had been a sheltered teenager when she got pregnant. Her parents kicked her out when she refused to terminate the pregnancy; they didn't want the social stigma, apparently. His mother was in her twenties when she had him—and not in any position to worry or even care about 'social stigmas'. And even though his father was never a part of their lives, she had a family in the crew of the _Archimedes_ to help her; she wasn't a scared kid facing the world pregnant and alone. He only hoped that An's son would be able to understand that. He wasn't sure… he'd been sent to the House at thirteen, old enough to go straight into training. Her son… he knew what happened to the little ones. He would never tell An, she didn't need to hear it, at least not from him, but the Houses were breeding grounds for cruelty, brutality. Fear. The fact that her son had made it into Service meant that he was a survivor; Kam just wasn't sure what it said about the kind of person he'd grown into.

He glanced at the clock again. One hour, nineteen minutes, thirty nine seconds…

Carsten leant over in his seat. "Staring at it isn't going to make it go any faster," he whispered.

Kam smiled. "Jack always says that a watched pot never boils."

"My mum used to say that too—funny thing, though. It always did."

His smile became a smirk; he could well imagine a young Casten Weiss standing over the teapot, staring at it, waiting for it to boil despite his mother's admonishment. He could hear his friend tell his mum _"See! I __**told **__you it would boil! _"I think it's the idea that it goes slower when you're waiting for something to happen," he told him in a sort of dry tone that would have made Jack smile if he'd been there to hear it.

"I still think it's a silly expression." A blip appeared on the edge of the long range scanner. "It's them," Carsten told him, before he could ask.

Kam's heart thumped wildly in his chest. It was all he could do to keep himself in his seat, to just glance over at the other man's screen and assure himself that it really was Henry's ship. "I'd better let Mr Smeed know," he said in the calmest voice he could muster. Even though Jack was coming in on the night shift, Mr Smeed said they should wake him when the Captain got close.

_Wouldn't want him to think I was asleep at the switch the whole time he was away, _he'd said. Kam was almost starting to feel brave enough to banter back and forth with the First Officer… _almost_.

"I've got the navigation… if you want," Carsten offered. "You look like you're going to burst out of your skin, Kam. The walk to Smeed's cabin—or maybe Doc Raynor's—will do you good."

"Kid's right, you know," chimed in Julian. "Go, I think me and Mr Weiss can handle the bridge," he shot a lascivious smirk over at the other young man.

Carsten ignored him; Jule put on a good show of looking crestfallen, but they all knew it was just a show. The crew had stopped taking Julian's flirtations seriously some while ago.

Up until a few weeks ago, they'd had plenty to do to keep themselves occupied, anyway—although for a while, it had looked like the opposite would be the case. Jack had left them with a couple of leads to follow in his absence, but the first derelict ship they found was already picked clean and the the second not much better. Kam finally understood what Jack meant when he said that life out on the rim was 'hit and miss', how there were no guarantees. Not that it mattered. If the choice was living hand to mouth sometimes or living without Jack… it wasn't a choice. He wasn't going anywhere. He wasn't the only one; even with morale at an all-time low, no one mentioned jumping ship or looking for a better job. There were some grumbles, but between Buddy Garrison's infections upbeat attitude—at least when Anneke wasn't close by—and Lach's brilliance in the kitchen, his being able to turn out amazing meals on only what they had on hand, they managed to get through. Julian helped, too, organizing a couple of movie nights, probably figuring it's what Jack would have done.

No one had thought there would be time to go in for a third go, they would just have to make do until the Captain got back-they'd just received the message from Henry Fitzroy that he and Jack were on their way to the rendezvous point and would be there in two months. Two months wasn't enough time to get to any of the other wrecks they knew about and back again. Then Julian suggested visiting a little satellite station he knew. He'd spent lots of time outside of human space. Mr Smeed was dubious… but if Kyle could find them a job, it was worth spending a couple of days in dry dock, and maybe a little furlough time would boost crew spirits, some. Sure enough, in less than two days, Jule had information that proved useful… not that things had gone completely smoothly…

Liza fielding was dreading the Captain's return. She knew what he was going to say when he saw her leg in cast. On the "upside", Avi Stasi had hardly left her side since the accident that left her in a cast from her ankle up to her hip. It was a rookie mistake and completely her fault, not that Buddy wasn't beating himself up over it. They'd been out together, collecting the last of the usable metal from the old alien hulk, but it had been her idea to go poking around where she shouldn't have been poking. Even Julian had never seen a ship like it and although all their scans assured them there was no radiation, no inherent dangers, that didn't mean the ship was 'safe'. No wreck was. But an alien ship? It was at least twice as dangerous simply by virtue of the fact that they knew nothing of the species who had made it—did they favour putting the fuel stores in the front or in the boot? For that matter, what did they use for fuel, was it inert, or did it go unstable over time? One mistake and they could all be dead.

Liza still shuddered when she thought about all of the things that could have gone wrong for any of them. Her being holed up in the medical bay for three days before being ordered to bed rest was a pretty good deal compared to ending up in a body bag, floating out amongst the stars.

_And on any other ship, I'd be too afraid to even face the Captain when he got back… _oh, she was going to get a good what for and she knew it. He was going to tear her a new one and then some. She deserved it. She'd damn near gotten Buddy killed out there with her. _But on any other ship, I would find myself dumped off at the nearest port, contract terminated with extreme prejudice. _No payout, nothing, just the clothes on her back—her pay would have been docked to cover the expense of taking care of her injuries, supporting her while she couldn't work, while the Captain was looking for a place he could dump her off. _But Harkness isn't like the rest of them. _No matter what, she had a home. She was safe here. They all were. They were safe to hope. Safe to dream.

She glanced over at Avi and he smiled. It was such a sweet, timid little smile. Nothing more had passed between them than a few smiles, a soft peck here and there, but it was something and she was willing to take things at whatever pace he set. She knew it was hard for him to believe that anybody could care for him the way she did… the way she wanted to. It almost made it worth it to be laid up the way she was.

"The Captain should be docking any time now," Avi said as he handed over a cup of tea; another shy little smile crossed his face when she took the mug from his hands.

"Which is all the more reason for you not to be hovering over me." Not that she didn't relish the company—being cooped up in her cabin was maddening!

"Everything's squared away down below," he said. In Liza'ss absence, Avi had found himself spending more time in the cargo hold than on the bridge or anywhere else, for that matter. Though his skills were limited, the fact that he didn't have any kind of speciality meant that he got bounced around a lot. It also meant he had plenty of spare moments to check in on Liza; he knew he wasn't the only one. Anneke was doing at least as much as he was, and Leah too. Everybody was, really. He'd never been on a ship where the crew took care of each other like that. Always before it had been man for himself; if somebody was injured no one lifted a finger to help. "I should get going, though," he finally admitted. He didn't want to, but technically he was supposed to be on duty and he wanted to be there when the Captain docked. "You need anything before I go?"

"I'm fine—really," she promised him.

"All right," he leant in hesitantly, giving her plenty of time to back away. She met him half way, pressed her hand to his cheek, accepted his kiss—returned it without pushing him for more than he was ready to trust himself give. "I'll come back by later if I get the chance."

"I'll be here," she told him, just a little ruefully.

"You better be, Doc'll have your hide otherwise."

Liza's smile warmed. She was stretched out on her bed, as per the doctor's orders, though she made no secret of the fact that she would rather be at her station….

Avi wasn't surprised to find Kam waiting at the airlock when he got there.

"How's Liza?" the younger man asked him.

He blinked, startled.

The younger man's smile remained easy. "Everybody knows you're spending time with her. It's good to have somebody."

He nodded…hesitated, then finally asked if it was all right to ask a question…it was kinda personal.

"Sure. What is it, Avi?"

"It's just… Liza… I mean… she's… she's a special woman. Real special. I don't want to screw things up—hurt our friendship, you know?"

"Yeah, I guess I do," he admitted, a ghost of a smile playing at his lips.

"I erm… the galaxy is the way it is, but… my past… I've done things… you know some of it, like… like what I tried to do with you," he wasn't able to maintain eye contact. "I did more than just _try_ with other kids. I didn't… I'm not going to make excuses for myself," he told him then, abruptly. Stubbornly. He wasn't going to try and excuse what he'd done with Kam or anybody else. He couldn't. Not if he was ever going to… to be any less broken.

"Have you talked about any of it with Liza?" The calm of Kam's voice surprised him; it surprised the salvager even more when he looked up to find Kam willing to meet his gaze. There didn't seem to be any kind of malice hidden in the kid's brown eyes, just… acceptance.

"Yeah. I told her all of it. More than I should've, I think."

"Well it doesn't seem to me like she's holding whatever you told her against you. Assuming… this was a while ago…?"

He nodded. "Yeah. But… see, that's the part I don't understand. She _should _hold it against me. You, of everybody, knows I'm not exactly the best person on this ship."

"Avi… I can't speak for Liza, only she can do that. But I can tell you that… that we all make mistakes. Sometimes big ones and…and sometimes… look, I don't know anything about your past or anything about you at all, really, except for what I've learned in the last year. That's all I need to know," he added. "Maybe you weren't always the best person on this ship, but the person you are today is somebody I'm happy to serve alongside. I'll bet Liza feels the same way. I think she really likes you."

"I like her too. That's why I don't want to hurt her."

"The last time I saw the two of you together, she didn't look hurt to me."

"How did you… I don't know much about the Red Houses," he forced himself to keep looking at him when he said the words; Kam didn't flinch. He just nodded for him to go on, it was all right. "But what I do know…"

"They're not nice places to live."

"Yeah. How did you… how did you get past all that?"

He smiled. "That's easy. I met Jack." Then, more thoughtfully, he went on, "But I guess… I guess maybe I always knew… when you live in a place like that you've got two choices, Avi. You can either let it eat you up inside, or you can find a way to hang onto your humanity. I knew… I always knew there was someone out here waiting for me. I know it sounds silly, but even without knowing his name, I knew there was a reason for me to hang on. My reason was Jack."

"I never had a reason."

"Maybe you do now."

The light overhead turned red, the signal that another ship was beginning docking procedures…

In ten minutes the Captain would be back on board.


	9. Chapter 9

**A/N:  
**Ok, so, I'm supposed to be working on other things… and I've got to get to some of it, I gave myself an ambitious 'to do' list for the week, but I couldn't get this out of my head… of course all of the situations aren't going to be solved in one chapter…

Thank you again for the amazing reviews! I really appreciate them.

**Ps:**

Don't let the quote at the start of this worry you, nobody's dying. I just really, really liked this particular quote because it reminds me of Jack and Ianto/Kam... others (Roan). I'm not sure Mr Twain meant it in quite the way I'm using it, but it works!

* * *

**Chapter Nine:**

"_Death is the starlit strip between the companionship of yesterday and the reunion of tomorrow"_

Mark Twain

* * *

Nine minutes, fifty nine seconds and… the airlock hatch slid open. Jack was the first person out—the only person Kam saw. The young man moved forward; Jack dropped his duffle bag encircled him in those strong warm arms of his and he held on _so_ tightly. If felt _**so**_ good! Kam pulled in as close as he could and buried his nose in the older man's shoulder, inhaling deeply. He closed his eyes and let the warmth of his lover's embrace, the soft beating of his heart, that amazing scent of his become his whole world. Jack was right, they were a perfect fit. _Like to two halves of the same whole… _they belonged together. He was long past caring that half the crew had joined him in the airlock to welcome the Captain back on board; let them watch, he didn't care, he just wanted to hang onto the older man for as long as Jack was willing to hold him. The immortal didn't seem in any special hurry to let go. No one else rushed to separate them, either.

"I missed you so much, Cariad," Kam whispered up at him; he only barely realized he was near tears. He didn't know why he was crying.

It didn't matter, Jack brushed the tears gently away from his cheeks with his thumbs as he cupped his face in both hands. He kissed him. It wasn't a deep kiss, there would be time for that later, but even so, it told him so much. Everything he needed to know.

"I missed you too," his partner said the words anyway. He kissed him again, tenderly, before straightening, releasing him, clasping Mr Smeed's hand… pulling him into a warm hug. They teased each other about whether or not James had kept the _Welshman_ operating up to Jack's 'high' standards… Kam heard himself laughing with them, but for the moment, all he could do was look at Jack. Listen to Jack. Tell himself over and over that he wasn't dreaming, he was wide awake and the Captain—_his_ Captain—was really home.

Then Jack surprised Avi Stasi by turning to him and clasping his hand. "Good to see you again, Mr Stasi."

(Stasi was standing next to Mr Smeed, so it shouldn't have been that much of a surprise, but for the fact the salvager didn't understand why the Captain would bother with _him_.) "It..it's good to have you back, Sir," he told him awkwardly.

"It's good to be back."

Kam smiled as Jack began making the rest of his hellos. Everyone was happy to see him, _but no one more than me… _The Captain turned to look at him again, just for a second, in between hugging Dr Raynor (and saying something that made her blush, though Kam didn't hear what) and clapping Buddy Garrison soundly on the shoulder. Even in a room full of other people, the young pilot knew he was still—_always_—the centre of the Universe to one man, the most important man in his world, too.

He slid his hands into his pockets and turned to thank Henry for bringing Jack safely back to him…his heart stopped—he was sure it stopped, if only for half a second. He blinked… he couldn't be seeing what he thought he was seeing—_**who**_ he thought he was seeing, who standing just behind Henry looking nervous and uncertain…scared half out of his mind.

_Kase?_ He opened his mouth, but no sound came out.

It wasn't possible… he could barely breathe.

Kam realized that Henry was extending his hand; he accepted it quickly, tearing his eyes from the other young man long enough to accept Henry's hug, the kiss he pressed to his cheek. His skin was cooler than a human's; Kam encircled him in his arms anyway. He'd seen how hesitant Henry could be about getting close after his true nature had been disclosed. He never wanted him to think he didn't love him for all that he was to Jack, all that he was to _him_. Even people who didn't know what he was seemed shy of him… Mr Smeed, for example, always seemed to give him a wide berth. The crew might not know why they were afraid, but something about Henry terrified most people; Kam supposed he understood why, but Henry was his friend. He'd been Ianto's friend, too. He could never be afraid of him.

Over Henry's shoulder, he looked up at the beautiful young man again… the other met his gaze. Held it.

They both swallowed hard. The recognition was mutual.

As Kam straightened out of the hug, he opened his mouth to say something again—he wasn't sure what he was going to say but he had to say _something_… didn't he? His gut tightened as all the things he that might come flying out of his mouth flashed through his brain at light speed. He didn't like the way any of them sounded.

It didn't matter, the expression on the other young man's face, a mix of fear, anxiety and hurt, stopped him from uttering a single sound. (Kase's expression was nearly an exact mirror of the one An was wearing, lingering at the back of the room, hardly noticed by anyone.)

Kase gave a quick shake of his head, an indication that he didn't want Kam to say anything, he didn't _want_ to be recognized. Kam nodded back, just as quickly, and turned his attention to Henry. If he didn't want the preternatural immortal to figure out that he and Kase knew each other, he had to somehow calm the wild pounding of his heart in his chest. Hopefully if Henry heard it (he had to hear it), he would just think it was his excitement at seeing Jack again after so long (and he couldn't deny that he was _**so**_ happy see him again.) He glanced over at Jack; he was engaged in a quiet conversation with An Cho.

"It's good to see you again, Kam," said Henry.

Kam fixed his expression carefully before he turned to face the former Duke of Richmond and Somerset, former Earl of Nottingham. "It's good to see you too. I hope he didn't drive you _too _mad," he managed to tease, as he glanced towards Jack once more.

Henry laughed; like the Captain, he had a fearless laugh. "Only a bit. Although I'm not sure our friend here will ever be the same after the Captain's 'Galaxy famous chilli'," he turned to include Kase in their conversation, gently guiding him closer by holding out his hand. Reluctantly, the young man obeyed the obvious summons and came in closer, though he looked increasingly uncomfortable.

Kam winced for real; he managed to face the man he knew well (so_ very_ well) with a look of sympathy he was nearly certain betrayed no hint of familiarity, even as Henry made the introductions—though he omitted the other's surname, no doubt out of respect for An's privacy… Kase's too.

"You have my condolences," Kam told the other young man of having been subjected to the Captain's so-called 'galaxy famous' chilli. "If you've need, we have an excellent doctor…"

"Hey!" Jack whirled on his heel. "I heard that." He pointed an accusing finger in Kam's direction—his sudden outburst made Kase flinch (though everyone else in the room knew his ire was feigned.)

"Yes, Sir?" Kam inquired in an innocent seeming tone.

Jack only barely managed to keep up the ruse. "We'll discuss _this_ later," he snapped.

Kase shrank back as far as he could from the Captain's anger; he didn't see the good humour that twinkled in the older man's blue eyes or understand the fearless way Kam met his gaze. Held it. Smiled at him… he didn't see the promises the two were making to each other in the silent exchange—it only lasted only the span of a couple of heartbeats. The rest of the crew took the exchange in stride.

Anna, however, cleared her throat and pushed the Captain's finger down out of her way before she closed the distance between herself and the terrified young man cowering behind Henry Fitzroy. "Enough, Captain," she said to Jack over her shoulder. Jack seemed to get the message; he stuffed his hands into his pockets and even cast a quick apologetic look in Raynor's direction.

Temporarily satisfied, she turned her attention back to the former Cyprian. "I would like to see you in the infirmary," she said in a gentle tone. "It's just a routine check-up, I promise." Kam had told her about the 'medical care' most Servers received compliments of the Red Houses; when he was a Server, Kam had thought little wrong with the cold, sterile environment, the equally cold doctors and nurses who went about their duties, administering the bare necessities of 'care' without any measure of compassion. She knew he was right when he said he'd been lucky to have medical care at all, never mind that the Houses only provided it to protect their 'investments'—the whole system made her blood boil. But at the moment, that wasn't her problem. She couldn't let it be. "I'm Dr Raynor—but you can call me Anna if you like. We don't stand on a whole lot of formality around here," she continued, trying to put the young man at ease. It didn't seem to be working.

Giving up (at least for the moment), Anna glanced over her shoulder, "An, maybe you could give me a hand?" she queried in a casual tone, hoping to avoid suspicion—not that the crew wasn't starting to wonder. It was hardly any secret that An and the young man Jack had brought back with him to the _Welshman_ were kith and kin of one variety or another. All anyone had to do was look at them to figure that much out. Anna didn't need to know the full story to begin putting together the pieces into a cohesive and accurate picture for herself. Cho seemed unable to keep her eyes off the young man, yet unable to fully look at him, either. (He wasn't looking at her at all.)

An nodded, once, just barely in response to her request.

"Thank you," Anna replied. "Mr Fitzroy, would you join us?" she asked him sweetly. It was obvious to her that the boy had formed some sort of attachment to Jack's young friend… seemingly young friend. He didn't look any older than Kam, but when she met his gaze… his eyes were a lot like the Captain's. Old. Dangerous. Henry Fitzroy was not a man she would want to cross.

"It would be my pleasure, Dr Raynor," Fitzroy told her with a slight bow of his head and an air of regal courtesy that seemed centuries out of place … _just like Jack… _

"Shall we?" she invited.

Henry nodded and gestured for her to lead the way, for Kase to follow her.

The young man licked his lips… but people like him didn't have choices. If the doctor wanted to examine him, he had to let her.

He cast a quick sidelong glance at the other Cyprian as he passed by him. Kamden Anders. He'd never known Kam's family name any more than Kam had known his. Family names weren't important in the Red Houses. Cyprians didn't need surnames, they didn't belong to their families anymore, they were the property of the House. At least Kam looked all right, he seemed in good health. That much was good to know. The younger Server had suffered under his first trainer; Aeryk was a sadistic bastard. He'd had no business training anyone. Training took patience, empathy… he swallowed hard again and looked at Harkness, wondering how he could have let himself be so stupid as to believe, even for a few brief weeks, that he was any different from anyone else. All the things he'd said… done… none of it meant anything! How could it?

Kase knew what Kam was. The hug Harkness gave him… the kiss… Aarons had done the same with him when every time came back from shore leave! The little trinket Harkness had picked up for his 'partner'… his stomach churned. People were all the same, no matter what they said or did or how nice they acted. In the end, everybody lied, everybody was cruel. Everybody just wanted what they could take from you.

At least in the Red House, he'd known where he stood, what was expected of him. He knew what he was to the clients. Out here… out here he couldn't figure anybody out because everybody said one thing and then did another.

He realized his… An Cho…had fallen into step next to him. She looked up, but didn't say anything. He didn't say anything either. He had nothing to say, not any more. Even before realizing Captain Harkness had spent the last eight weeks lying to him, he wasn't sure what he was going to say to her…

….

Oblivious to Kase's thoughts or even the look he shot over, Jack slipped up behind Kam and wrapped his arms around the young man's waist. Kam leant into him and he closed his eyes. "I've got something for you," he all but purred into his young lover's ear.

Despite the tumult of emotions Kam felt at seeing Kase… Kase _Cho_, apparently… he couldn't help but grin. "You really need to come up with better lines, Cariad."

"That's not what I meant," he retorted—then he smirked and waggled his brows suggestively. "But hey, if you're offering…"

Kam laughed; when he turned to face him properly, though, he saw a full range of emotion in those beautiful blue eyes. Love. Longing. Loneliness. _Joy. _It made him forget the knot in his gut. He leant up…

James Smeed cleared his throat, interrupting the kiss before it got underway. "Why don't you take the rest of the night off, Mr Anders and, erm… catch get the Captain up to speed on what we've been doing in his absence. I've got your post covered," he said when the young pilot _actually _started to protest. "Unless of course the Captain objects…?"

"Not a chance. And thanks, Jimmy," he added in a sincere tone. He hefted his duffle bag over his shoulder and turned to his partner. "What d'you say, Crewman, you wanna fill me in on what everyone's been _**up **_to while I was gone?"

"I suppose I could be persuaded, Sir. If all you want to do is talk."

"Shut up and get moving, Mister. And that's an order."

The younger man smirked. His tone, however, was deadpan. "Yes, Sir."

Jack just laughed some more, and pulled Kam in close. "God, I missed you."


	10. Chapter 10

**Thank you again **for the lovely reviews! I really appreciate them!

* * *

**Chapter Ten**

"_A half-truth is a whole lie."_

Yiddish proverb

* * *

Anna regarded the young man sitting quietly on the exam table. He hadn't said a word since they arrived in the infirmary; he hadn't said a word on the walk down from the docking bay, either. When she'd asked him to hop up onto the table, he did so without hesitation but…but everything about him seemed hesitant. _I would give anything to be able to read your mind… _she glanced at An. She was standing with her arms crossed over her chest looking more and more unhappy as the seconds ticked by.

Anna returned her attention to the young man. "When was your last physical?"

"Six months ago, Ma'am," his tone was soft. He wasn't making eye contact. "I'm completely clean," he assured her, however.

"I'm sure you are," she told him in what she hoped was a reassuring tone. The Red Houses were meticulous about things like that and from what little Jack had told her, the kid had been in the Service of only one man since his contract had been purchased. Anna found herself grimacing and did her best to turn it into a smile. "Let's get some blood work anyway," she kept her tone as conversational as she could.

"Yes, Ma'am."

When she slid the needle into the his arm, the young man didn't even flinch; she knew she was good, she hadn't hurt him, but everybody winced, at least a little, when it came to needles… everyone, she realized, except Kam. His demeanour, the first couple of times she'd had him in the infirmary, was nearly identical to what Kase was giving her. She decided she was better off not speculating on what the meant about the way Service Providers were treated by Red House medical personnel. She filled two small cylinders with his blood as quickly as she could, and offered up a tentative smile that wasn't returned. "That should do."

"Do you require any other fluids, Ma'am?" he offered quietly.

Anna blinked as understanding took hold. "No. No this is fine. Thank you. Henry… could I have a word with you in private?" she asked hesitantly; subterfuge wasn't really her strong suit, but hopefully…

He nodded, seeming to understand exactly what she was trying to do. "I'll just be a moment with the doctor," he said to Kase. "Everything will be all right, I promise."

Rather than reassure, his words seemed to further unsettle the other man—or maybe he just didn't want to be left alone with An, Anna mused.

"We can talk later," Fitzroy said to Kase before leaving him.

Kase merely nodded—Anna reckoned there wasn't much more he thought he _could_ do. Kam hadn't been in much better shape when she first met him. _But he escaped,_ she thought._ He found a way and he got out of that life, he'd lived on his own for six months before ever finding his way onto the Welshman. _Judging by the way he was acting—reacting—running away had never occurred to Kase…

An waited until Dr Raynor and Henry Fitzroy were out the door and the door sealed shut behind them, before taking a tentative step towards her son. "I know you hate me," she started with what she was sure was the truth.

"I don't hate you. I don't even know you."

She nodded her acceptance of the statement; she'd been walking on broken glass for the two weeks. Her mind had created every possible scenario for what might happen when he saw her… scenes like this far out weighted the ones in which he threw his arms around her and told her he loved her. "I didn't think I had a choice, Kase. I didn't… I didn't have _anything_," she tried to explain. She just wanted him to understand.

He nodded. "I read your letter. You said that." His tone was hollow; he was looking at a spot on the floor midway between the exam table and the door.

"I just wanted you to have a better life. I had no idea… I didn't know what would happen to you. Please believe that."

He shrugged. "How could anyone know what the Empire doesn't want them to know?" he asked. "Even the clients don't see the 'real' Red House—they only see what the House wants them to see. They believe what they want to believe because it's easier than believing the truth."

An swallowed back the lump in her throat. His statement sounded like tacit forgiveness… she hoped. "I was going to come back for you," she told him. "I tried so hard. I took every job I could get but, I did the best I knew how… but it was never enough."

He only nodded.

"I… I'd like to get the chance to know you again. If… if that's all right…?"

"There's nothing to know. Whoever…whatever… I might have been…" _you can't let it define you… _Jack's words. But how could he trust _anything_ Captain Harkness had told him? He knew what Kam was. It didn't matter what Harkness called him, there were only two ways out of the Red House: You either had your contract sold to someone else or took your own way out with a shard of glass or a noose around your neck.

"Kase?"

He wiped the trickle of moisture away from his cheeks and forced himself to meet her gaze again. His expression was blank, his tone empty. "I'm a Cyprian, a Service Provider. I am what the client or whoever holds my contract wants me to be—nothing more. I ceased to exist as a real person the day you signed me over to the Red House. It's my pleasure to Serve."

"No. No, Kase, that's _not_ true. You're more than that. You're my son and I love you. I _always_ loved you. You're a person, not… you're _not_ what they told you you were. You matter. You have hopes and dreams… everybody has dreams. Mine was to see you again."

She sounded so hopeful… so sad. He ignored it; he ignored the churning in his gut and the fluttering in his stomach. He kept his face carefully schooled in a blank expression. His private self, his hopes—as shattered as they were—and his growing fears, were his and his alone and he wasn't going to share them with anyone, least of all the woman who had signed him over to the Red Houses in the first place.

"If I could go back and do it all over again, I would do everything differently, Kase, I swear I would. There is nothing I wouldn't do to keep you, to protect you the way a mother should."

He gave over a noncommittal shrug, continuing to hold her gaze, continued to maintain the façade of detachment. The less you gave the other person of your real self, the less they had to hurt you with. "I'm sure you did what you felt you had to do, Mother. Going back wouldn't change anything. It wouldn't change your situation."

"There's _always_ a choice. I made the wrong one. I know I can't change that. I just… I wanted to see you. To know that you're all right."

He forced a pleasant looking smile—after all, he'd had nineteen years to practice smiling, even when he was sure he was dying inside. Even when all he wanted to do was die. "I'm all right," he lied. "I never went hungry. I had a bed. I had clean clothes. The last six years…" he nearly faltered as the hand around his heart squeezed tight. He cleared his throat. "I spent the last six years Serving a man who was good to me."

An wiped her tears and nodded, apparently content to believe the lies… well, they weren't lies, he was forced to concede to himself, _only lies of omission._ He told her what she wanted to hear and she accepted it. _Just like everybody else… _

…

Henry turned to An as the door slid shut behind them. "Are you all right?"

"I… sometimes I think I've seen every awful thing there is to see and then the universe gives me one more thing…" she shook her head. "I'm sorry. You barely know me and here I am moaning."

He smiled. "I just spent five months with your Captain. I should think I'm used to moaning by now."

She laughed… then hesitated… but no, she was sure he didn't mean that in any sexual sort of way, no matter how sexually charged it sounded. He was just having a bit of teasing at the Captain's expense, and just like the Captain, there was something incredibly sexual about Henry Fitzroy. Maybe that was why Jimmy didn't like him. "Jack is a bit of a baby at times," she agreed. She glanced at the closed infirmary door and then gave him a questioning look; he had to know what the story really was.

"It's not my secret to divulge—but I suspect you've figured out the crux of it."

Anna nodded. "Would you like to get a cup of coffee with me?" she suggested then. Hovering outside the door probably wouldn't help An or Kase and definitely wouldn't help her any, either.

"It would be my pleasure." He offered her his hand; when she took it, he corrected her grip so that her hand was on top of his. "Only lovers walk palm to palm. I should hate it if your Mr Smeed were to challenge me." Just the same, he slid her arm through his crooked elbow so they weren't hand in hand at all. "Perhaps that's better."

Anna laughed and allowed herself to be led down the corridor. "May I ask you a question?" she inquired, as they reached the lift.

"I might even supply the answer."

She couldn't help but smile at how much he reminded her of the Captain. "You and Jack…?"

His smile warmed, filling his deep brown eyes. "We've known each other for a long time, doctor, and he's very dear to me. But I can assure you that I couldn't be happier that he's found Mr Anders," he told her.

He hit the button to open the lift doors and gestured for her to step inside while he held the doors open (not that they were likely to shut on her as she stepped through. Half the doors on the _Welshman_, routinely got stuck in the open position and could only be cajoled into closing again through the use of sheer brute force. She shuddered to think how bad it must have been before Roberta came on board.)

"You and Jack seem… different," Anna observed.

"My mother raised me to be courteous, if that's what you mean. I believe Jack's mother did the same." He hit the button for the next deck.

"Did you… I mean…? I'm sorry, it's just that I don't think the Captain's ever mentioned his mother to me." To anyone that she knew of.

His smile quirked lopsided smile and he appeared lost in memory for just a moment. "I only met Dr Harkness once. She was a remarkable woman. She raised a remarkable son."

"You really do love him, don't you?"

"As I said, your Captain is very dear to me," the lift doors opened and once again he stood aside, allowing her to take the lead. "But I could not be more happy for both he and Kam. What they have is special, and for that, for how happy he makes Jack, Mr Anders will always hold a place in my heart, as well."

"I'm not sure I've ever heard anyone speak so…generously… of their ex-boyfriend's new partner."

"What they have is more than Jack and I had—more than we could have had. He and Kam… sometimes you can look at two people and just know that they belong together, Dr Raynor. They complete each other. How could I not love Kam for that?"

"I'm not sure I ever believed in soul mates," she admitted. "I guess I'm just cynical."

"Please forgive me if I'm out of line," they'd reached the mess and he poured two cups of coffee (though his was only for show.) "But it seems to me as if you and James Smeed are quite well matched."

She felt silly as heat overtook her cheeks; she was grateful that the mess was mostly empty and hoped the few people there didn't notice her blushing. She chose a table away from the only other occupied table so they could talk without being overheard. Not that her crewmates were nosey, exactly, but Henry Fitzroy was a curiosity.

"Forgive me if I've spoken out of turn," said Henry; he held her chair.

"No… and yes, James and I… he's the reason I stayed on board," she found herself admitting. "I wasn't looking for a permanent home on a ship—especially not this ship."

He chuckled as he took his own seat. "Jack does have a certain reputation. He deserves it," he added. However, "Human nature compels you… us… to form lasting partnerships, to partner up with other humans. Human beings don't like being alone."

"What about you?" she sipped at her coffee, only barely noticing that he wasn't drinking his—noticing fully that he didn't seem to count himself as human.

His smile warmed again, like it had when she'd asked him about he and Jack. "I've got a lovely lady waiting for me back at Omega Station."

"I... I think I remember hearing your name when I lived there."

"I suppose my infamy preceded me, as well," he teased.

Anna shook her head. "I… there was a rumour about a wealthy man living on the station who quietly funded several clinics and soup kitchens 'down below' the decks." The underbelly of the station was where the gypsies camped, where the people who had no money and no jobs went to find whatever kind of shelter they could. Most people on Omega pretended that the underbelly didn't exist, because the people who lived there were the kinds of people that nobody cared about. But there were places they could go for medical treatment, a meal… even a bed for the night.

She'd found work in one such clinic when she first arrived at Omega Station's herself. It wasn't much compared to the job she'd once held—she wasn't paid in money, but rather food and lodging. When she asked where the supplies came from, her inquiry was met with apprehension bordering on fear.

"You can't believe every rumour you hear, doctor," Henry reminded her in a cool tone.

"No. You can't. But I've found that there is a grain of truth hidden in the heart of almost ever rumour."

"I suppose that's true."

….

Kam lay curled up next to Jack's sleeping form. He could tell by his partner's breathing that the older man was out cold and would remain so for some while. Guilt plagued at him, now that he was able to think clearly again. The last three hours had been a haze of pheromones and exchanged pleasure… Jack had methodically reacquainted himself with every inch of his lover's body… Kam had done the same, relishing every nibble, every caress… every kiss. Every whispered 'I love you'. Sex was so much more than just sex with Jack.

He slid quietly out of the bed and got dressed. He needed to find Kase, needed to ask him why he hadn't wanted him to acknowledge him, to recognize him. Then he had to tell Jack because he didn't like lying to him, even if that lie was just a lie of omission.


	11. Chapter 11

**Sigh... **so much for my to-do list for the week, Jack and Kam wouldn't leave me alone. Henry either. Or Kai and Lach.

Ok, seriously, I have to get *some* of that list done... I'm headed out of town in just a week and a half (I'll be gone for a week, and no, I don't expect to get any writing in while I'm away, so... sorry in advance.)

As always, I am grateful for the wonderful reviews and kind words, for all those who have fave/listed this (and me! Thank you, thank you, thank you!)

Enjoy... there's probably at least one more chapter coming before I pack it in for my trip.

**

* * *

****Chapter Eleven**

"_Each moment of a happy lover's hour  
is worth an age of dull and common life"_

Aphra Behn

* * *

…

Henry looked up from his book when Kam came into the main passenger section of his ship. "I hope you don't mind," the younger man ducked his head apologetically. "The hatch wasn't locked. Anna told me you'd come back to your own vessel," he explained.

"You're always welcome, Kam," Henry set down his novel and got to his feet. He gave the young man a warm hug and kiss on each cheek. "Where's Jack?"

"I think I tired him out."

The other chuckled. "He missed you," he told him.

"I missed him too."

"So what can I do for you?"

Kam bit his lower lip so hard it bled. He didn't mean to… he realized belatedly…

"It's all right," Henry seemed to understand the look that crossed his face.

"How have you been… I mean, the trip and all…"

"I came prepared," he explained simply.

Kam didn't press the issue. However, "If you… if you _need _anything…"

The immortal pressed a kiss to his forehead almost the same way Jack did. "That is a generous offer, but I'm fine, thank you. Now…?" he gave over a questioning look.

"I… I had a feeling things might not go so good, with An and... she told me about Kase, and what she did," he endeavoured to keep his explanations as simple as possible and not just because he knew that of all people, Henry would know a lie when he heard it. He hated lying to anyone, really, but he especially hated being dishonest with the people he loved, people who had been so good to him. "When I checked in with Anna…" he shrugged. All Dr Raynor would—could—tell him was that by the time she and Henry got back from the mess, Kase looked like he wanted to be anywhere but on the _Welshman_, so Henry suggested they go back to his ship.

"I thought maybe I could help" he offered up tentatively. He only hoped Henry wouldn't pick up on the lie… partial lie. Mostly-lie. He would have wanted to help—he did want to help—but mostly wanted to know why Kase had acted the way he had, not wanting to be acknowledged as someone Kam knew.

If Henry was aware of any of the thousand and one thoughts and conflicting emotions Kam was feeling, however, it didn't show on his face. "I'm not sure he's up to company… but it's kind of you to want to try."

"I was where he is once," he could at least be honest about that much.

But Henry shook his head—yet when a cloud of fear at having been caught in a lie covered Kam's face, Henry took his hand and gave it a little tug, coaxing the young man to meet his gaze again before he spoke. "You had a reason to get out of that life, Kam. You had the courage to leave the House."

"I didn't have courage. I just had… I had Jack. Even before I met him, I always had Jack." He remembered his conversation with Avi, from earlier. He'd had Jack, in his dreams, always there, always holding him, giving him a reason to hang on, to escape. Giving him something to hope for.

Kase didn't have any more reason than Avi to believe in anything better. _At least Avi hadn't had a reason before he signed onto the _Welshman, thought Kam. _Before Liza… _

"Do you think it would be ok if I talked to Kase?" Kam asked with more sincerity than he'd felt when he walked in the door. Maybe he really could help him. It was the very least that he owed the older boy.

"He's lying down. The dorm cabin's just below this deck. I erm… I'll go talk a walk, give you two some privacy. I've been meaning to catch up with a couple of members of the _Welshman's_ crew, anyway."

"Thanks, Henry," Kam told him. He'd been wondering where he could take Kase so they could talk privately without arousing suspicion; Henry had told him once exactly how good his hearing was.

The immortal pressed another kiss to his temple. "Jack isn't the only person who missed you," he confided softly before taking his leave. "He was a walking husk without you," he explained to the quizzical look the young man gave him. "You balance him."

Kam grinned. "You mean I clean up after his messes," he said in a flat tone.

Henry chuckled, "That too."

"Henry… he balances me, as well. And… I'm glad he's got you as a friend. You… you're going to look after him again? You know… when I'm gone?"

"Always. But let's make sure that day is long way off."

Kam nodded his agreement. He waited until Henry was gone to find the dormitory cabin… it wasn't hard to find.

Kase rolled over when Kam walked into the darkened room (he'd remembered to dry his cheeks before turning this time)—he appeared startled when he realized who it was. More than startled, he looked scared; he swallowed hard and though he straightened, he didn't say anything.

"Henry's gone out, we're alone," Kam assured him.

"You still shouldn't be here." He got to his feet, but lingered back and sounded as tense and afraid as he looked. It was impossible for either to clearly see the other in the dark, but he hesitated in turning on the light.

Kam chewed at his lower lip for longer than he wanted to before finally telling Kase that they needed to talk.

"Where's your Captain?"

"Sleeping. He'll be out for a while. Kase, nobody's going to come looking for me. We're alone, it's all right."

Kase gave over what looked like a very uncertain-seeming nod. He wavered another few seconds before finally hitting the button behind him to bring the lights up. He swallowed hard. "Are… are you all right?" he asked when he could finally see Kam in full light.

The younger man didn't understand why he was looking at him the way that he was, didn't realize how seriously he'd taken Jack's tone earlier. He didn't know that Kase expected to see several choice bruises—didn't know that when the other didn't see them, he simply presumed that they were in places that wouldn't mar his beauty. "I'm better than I've ever been," he answered his question honestly.

The other just nodded, though Kam could see he didn't believe him. He didn't understand why… or maybe he did, he reckoned. He didn't know exactly what he'd been through the last six years, but he doubted it had been especially good. He could see the heavy ink lines that had been tattooed over the House Markings and understood: Whoever had owned his contract wanted to mark Kase as their property. They wanted to erase the House's ownership marks, but they didn't want Kase or anyone else to ever forget that he belonged to someone.

Kam reached out and took his hand. "It's going to be all right," he promised.

"How… how long have you been here?" the other's tone remained uncertain. "With Captain Harkness?"

"A little over a year."

He nodded. Looked at him again. Studied him… "I…I never stopped thinking about you," he rubbed his thumb over the younger man's hand. "Leaving you like that was so hard but I… I always knew you'd do all right for yourself." His smile looked forced… pained. They both knew that neither of them had had any choice… people like them didn't get asked what they wanted because what they wanted didn't matter. "It's good to see you again, Kam. You… you're so grown up." He smiled for real that time.

Heat rose in the younger man's cheeks. "It's good to see you, too. How… have you been all right?"

The older man broke eye contact, but he nodded. "I've been good."

Kam saw him wince at his own words and tugged him gently towards the bunk so they could, albeit a little awkwardly. Still, Kase settled in closely next to him.

"Are you sure we're alone?" he asked.

"Henry went out. He won't be back for a while. We're safe, honestly."

Kase nodded, sagged in a little closer; Kam let him. He understood that 'safe' wasn't a feeling the other had much experience with. It wasn't a feeling he'd understood before he met Jack.

Finally, he asked the question he'd gone there to ask. "Why didn't you want me to act like I knew you?"

"I didn't want to give them one more way to hurt either of us."

…

Lach rolled over in his bunk… the other side of the bed was empty. Cold. His felt a flutter of panic and sought out the clock's digital readout in the dark, fearing he'd overslept… but no, if anything, he was up early. Which mean that Kai _should _still be sound asleep next to him; his lover didn't have to be up for another few hours to start his shift. (Lach, on the other hand, needed to get both breakfast and dinner going for the crew; in a couple of hours one shift would be coming off duty while the other was starting their day.)

Just then, the cabin door slid open; Kai came in carrying two cups of coffee. "Morning, Handsome," he smiled.

The other returned his smil. "Good morning to you too. What's this, then?"

"I thought I'd bring you your coffee, maybe give us a few extra minutes in bed together," he toed off his boots and slid back into the bunk next to the_ Welshman's_ cook. "Got a problem with that, Mister?" he teased.

Lach chuckled, accepting the mug from his lover's hand. "I'd never argue with a man who brings me coffee in bed."

Kai smiled and leant in for kiss. "Did you see the Captain last night?" he asked after he'd had it.

"For about ten minutes, anyway, before him and Kam went off to have a 'proper reunion'." He didn't bother mentioning the young man who had been with Jack and Fitzroy; if Kai was in the mess, he'd heard about it already. As much as he was dying to know if there was any more information about the young man or why he was on the _Welshman_, Lach was in equal measures content to enjoy his moment of quiet with his lover before he started his day. He'd hear the scuttlebutt soon enough from the night shift.

Kai smiled some more, drank his coffee. He turned to face the other man. "So… I was thinking…"

"I knew coffee in bed was too good to be true."

Kai shot him a playfully sour look and went on, "We had our official one year anniversary as a crew while the Captain was off the ship… so… I don't know… it seems kinda like we should celebrate again, now that he's back. We could call it a welcome home party or something."

"And all this means more work for me," the other teased—really, he didn't mind. He loved to cook, especially for people who genuinely appreciated him for it. He loved to be part of a crew, a right proper family. _But most of all, I love you,_ he thought at Kai.

"I was thinking I could help," the other offered tentatively. "If… if you want."

"I will never chase you out of my kitchen, Babe-or anywhere else you think you want to be," he took Kai's cup out of his hand and set both mugs down on the bedside table before leaning in for another kiss, a deeper kiss.

Kai returned it… then, "Lach… I… I was thinking something else, too," he began hesitantly, as they drew apart; he wasn't quite making eye contact.

The cook straightened. "Is something the matter, Babe?" Even without asking, he knew there was.

"Not exactly… not at all," he said quickly.

Lach handed him his coffee back, but Kai only cradled it in his hands. He made the _Welshman's _cook wait a good long while before he found his voice again. "It's just… I know we're stuck out here at the edge of everything… I don't know when we're ever gonna get back to Empire territory—I don't mind that bit," Kai added hastily. "Good riddance, I say."

The other man nodded and took a long draw off his own coffee cup. The Captain had explained the situation to them long before he left, told them that if anyone wanted to leave, to go back, he wouldn't hold it against them any more than he expected the Empire would. They weren't responsible for their Captain's actions, especially since most of them hadn't even been signed onto the _Welshman _when it happened—and he told them straight out that he had killed that man, Fletcher. Nobody faulted him for that, especially the men and women who had served with Fletcher. They all said the Captain did the galaxy a service, taking out trash like that… but Jack said that in hindsight he regretted it. Taking a life was never an answer, it hadn't solved anything or made anything better, it was just at the time… he hadn't quite finished the statement, but they all understood, even Doc Raynor who seemed down right incapable of any kind of violence herself. There was nothing the Captain wouldn't do to protect any member of his crew; that held doubly true when it came to Kam Anders.

But what it came down to was that the Captain had offered anyone who wanted it a fair severance if they chose to leave, to go back to the Empire, back to human territory. No one took him up on it.

"_Better the Devil you know," Tom told the Captain when the mess hall meeting broke up. Jack laughed… _

Lach waited patiently for Kai to go on with whatever it was he was having such a hard time saying, trying _not _to jump to conclusions. The last thing he wanted to hear was the dreaded 'F' word. Friends. As in 'let's just be…' He wouldn't necessarily blame the attractive younger man if that was what he wanted—or if he at least wanted to be able to sleep with other people if the opportunity came up. There was Julian Kyle after all; he'd expressed an interest in… well, in everybody, really. _But it's not like my schedule is exactly convenient for Kai. _Half the time, Lach was too tired to do more than crawl into bed next to him and sleep. He supposed it wasn't fair. He didn't even get days off… Kai was finally talking:

"Lach, I… you know I don't want to… to… it's like I told you before, the last guy I was with dumped me for wanting too much, for being clingy all the time. I don't ever want to lose somebody over something like that again."

"And it's like I told _you_," he reminded him, "I'll tell you if you ever act that way with me. I _like_ the attention."

Kai smiled. "Me too. I like you. I love you. I ... I want…" he stopped midsentence and stared into his cup.

"What is it? Baby, come on, talk to me. If there's a problem, we can work it through, Kai."

The other man looked up at him then, moisture gathering behind his eyes. "I can't imagine my life without you in, Lachlan McClain," he told him past the lump in his throat. "I don't ever want to. I… I know we're out here on the edge of everything," he said again, fidgeting nervously with his coffee cup. "But I… I want… I want to be with you for the rest of my life. If...if you want me to," he added in a quiet tone; he peered into his cup again. The coffee had gone cold in his hands.

"Are… you asking me to _marry_ you?"

Sheepishly, Kai nodded; he looked like he expected to be ridiculed for what he was sure Lach would think was the stupidest idea he'd ever heard. "I know it's silly," he admitted aloud. "Stuff like that doesn't matter out here anyway."

"It does matter and it's not silly. And if you're really asking, the answer is yes."

Kai blinked up at him. "Really?"

"Yes, really," he confirmed in a voice that left no room for doubt in the other's mind. (He knew Kai's ex had done a number on his head… on his heart. If he ever saw the man he'd be tempted to give him a solid piece of _his_ mind over it.) However... he took the mug out of his lover's hand and leant in close. "Now, what do you say we consummate the agreement?" he suggested in a sultry tone.

"What about breakfast… dinner…? The crew…?"

"There's left over quiche for dinner… and today seems like a good day for oatmeal… unless you'd rather I go cook…"

"No, Sir," he pulled him close. "I want you right here for as long as I can have you."

"How about the rest of our lives?" he leant in closer.

Kai met his kiss with warmth and ardour and answered his question without words…


	12. Chapter 12

**Chapter Twelve**

"_Maybe all we can do is hope we end up with the right regrets."_

Arthur Miller

* * *

"_I didn't want to give them one more way to hurt either of us…" _

"Kase…" but he didn't know what to say.

"They would use us knowing each other to hurt us both, Kam. Don't you remember what it was like?"

He closed his eyes. He remembered the Red House all too well. It was another lifetime ago, but sometimes it felt like only yesterday. He looked at Kase again. "You told me never to let them know when you cared about somebody. You said to never give anyone a chance to hurt you." That went for the other Cyprians as well as the people who ran the House—doubly so, in fact. If there was anything that anyone could use against you, they would. Some of the Servers would hurt you just because they could, _because they were so powerless themselves, _Anna had told him once, when he was talking to her about it, when he was trying to understand why the other Servers were so awful. _The kind of abuse you suffered—you __**all **__suffered—it breeds cruelty,_ she'd told him. Abuse, according to Anna, was a vicious, cycle that was hard to break out of. She said it was a miracle he'd come out of there unscathed, or at least nearly so. A miracle she said that she, for one, was glad of. Then she'd tussled his hair and told him how fond of him she was…

"Kase, it's not like that here. This isn't the Red House. This ship—the _Welshman_—this is my home. The people here are my friends."

"This ship is only your home for as long as your Captain has a use for you," his tone was cold. Full of pain. Anger. "As soon as he gets bored with you or you get too old, he'll replace you without a second thought, Kam. Your so-called friends… they won't help you. They won't even try. Nothing you do will matter, nothing will be good enough. They'll… they'll throw you away like… like you're nothing." He choked back a sob. "You are nothing. We both are."

"You're wrong. Jack's _not_ like that. No one here is. You don't know them," he said when the other started to object. "Jack loves me. I love him."

Tears trickled down the other young man's cheeks. "Captain Aarons told me every day for the last six years how much he loved me, Kam. Then one day…" he couldn't speak any more.

Kam laid his hand overt op of the other man's; Kase twined his fingers into his and held on tight.

"It's not like that here," Kam told him again, more gently this time. He understood the kind of hurt the other was feeling, he remembered… he remembered more than he wanted to of his life before the _Bonny Welshman_, before Jack. "You're safe, here. I promise you, you are. I know what it's like to feel like you'll never be safe anywhere but…but you _are_."

"That's what I thought before," he admitted; the shame he felt at believing that was written all over his face. "I thought… I did everything he wanted me to. I did more than he asked." His voice was so soft, so hoarse and full of hurting, that it was barely audible. "Then one day he called me into his office and told me my contract belonged to somebody else." He swallowed hard. "They're all the same, Kam. Your Captain Harkness, my Captain Aarons. None of them gives a damn about people like us. We're just…just bed warmers, fuck-toys," he wiped his cheeks with his free hand, returned his gaze to the younger man. He reached out and touched Kam's cheek, clearly, desperately seeking solace. "We're all we have. We're the only people… nobody else cares about us, we only have each other. We don't even know how long we'll have that. We shouldn't waste it, Kam."

Before the younger man could react properly—react at all—he felt the familiar soft touch of Kase's lips on his. Before he realized what he was doing, he was kissing him back as Kase gripped his shoulders and held him tighter…

…..

Jack stirred restlessly in the empty bed, finally coming to wakefulness and realizing that he was alone. He scrubbed his hands over his face. He listened. There was no sound of movement from the bathroom or sitting room, no hint of coffee brewing… he frowned. He got out of bed.

"Kam?" he called into the empty cabin… _ok, get a hold of yourself, _he chided himself when panic fluttered in his stomach. The _Welshman_ was in orbit around a small uninhabited moon that was in orbit around a small uninhabited planet in an uninhabited solar system. The only viable means off ship was with Henry and he seriously doubted that one of his oldest and dearest friends would make off with his lover in the middle of the night. Maybe Kam was just hungry… he smirked. He'd given the young man a pretty good work out, all right. He'd probably just wandered down to the mess to get something to eat.

Jack slipped a clean t-shirt on over his head and shimmied into a pair of coveralls (not his sexiest look, but it was the first thing that came to hand). He pulled on his socks and boots and headed out to find him.

But Kam wasn't in the mess.

"Captain!" Lachlan McClain greeted him with a broad, friendly smile, just as was turning to head up to the rec room, hoping find Kam there, maybe help him get all hot and sweaty on the basketball court… maybe help him get all hot and sweaty off it, back at theirs afterwards…

He turend to face the _Welshman's _cook and returned his smile with one of his own. He told himself again that he was being silly about Kam.

"You and Mr Anders ready for a bite so soon?" Lach teased him good-naturedly, glancing at his watch. "I'd have reckoned you two might still be…sleeping."

"Nah," Jack waved it off. "Just wanted to come by and see how everybody was doing," he lied is ass off. He shoved his hands into his pockets.

"Couldn't be better, Captain," the other reported with another bright grin. Then… "There is something I guess I oughta talk t' you about. If… you've got a minute?"

When the Captain confirmed that he did, Lach invited him back into the kitchen, where they could have a little privacy. Technically it was between breakfast and dinner, but that wasn't always a guarantee.

"What's troubling you?" asked Jack.

"Nothing's wrong, Sir."

"What's with the 'Sir'?" he wanted to know. It' wasn't the word per se—the crew still called him 'Sir' often enough—but McClain's whole demeanour had gone all stiff and formal. "You're not putting in your two weeks are you?"

"My what?"

"Are you thinking about quitting?" he clarified the question. But where the Hell would he go? They were literally a thousand light years from the nearest human outpost, and while _he_ was perfectly comfortable working amongst aliens, he wasn't sure how his crew felt about being stranded out there like they were. He'd expected Jimmy to tell him that half of them had jumped ship while he'd been gone… so far, however, all were present and accounted for.

But that still didn't make it fair. They were paying for his mistake. _I just don't know how to fix it._ He had no idea how to make things right with the Empire. Even if he _had_ the artefact, he wouldn't turn it over to them.

"Not a chance!" the cook answered the question of his leaving emphatically in the negative. "It's… it's actually just the opposite, I guess. I mean… I know it is. I just… I need to ask you a favour." Clearly he wasn't comfortable asking the Captain of a ship for favours.

Jack couldn't blame him. So he waited. And… was Lach blushing?

"It's me and Kai," he said at last. "He asked me… that is… we talked it over and it would mean an awful lot to both of us to have your blessing, Sir."

He frowned. "You've lost me, Sailor."

"We both know we're out here on the rim—blazes, past the rim—we don't care about that, either of us. We just want to make it… us… official. As official as we can. We figured since you're the Captain, maybe you could help us do up some kind of ceremony or something. It doesn't have to be a big deal or take away anybody's time." He added quickly.

A smile swept across Jack's face as he finally figured it out. A _wedding_. They wanted him to preside over a wedding…their wedding! He clapped the other man on the shoulder. "We'll make it a big deal, Lach. And congratulations by the way, to both of you," he told him sincerely.

He remembered Gwen's wedding in a sudden flash… a Nostravite… Rhys's mother… Rhys decking him... and Abby and Tim! Tim's bachelor party…he shuddered at the memory of John showing up and the fiasco that ensued… well… maybe it wasn't a_ total_ disaster, he reckoned. There was that cute guy at the bar... he didn't remember his face or even his name any more, just that it had been a very good night for him, his husband _and_ the guy they brought home with them...

"We'll have to do up a proper bachelor party for the two of you," he told Lach—although he didn't expect it to turn into a fiasco.

Try as he might, he couldn't remember what he and Ianto had done… bowling, maybe? Or maybe Yan was too busy pressing shirts and shining shoes to want to go out. _Yeah, that sounds about right… _

Lach was still pink around the ears. "We don't want to cause any fuss. Just a few quiet words is all we're asking for, Sir."

"All right," he relented more easily than he would have a hundred years ago. He gave the cook's shoulder another firm squeeze. "We'll sort out the details over the next few days," he promised. "But it's going to be a party. Even if it isn't a 'big fuss'," he added.

"Aye, Sir. Jack. And thank you. For everything. I know… I know you didn't much want a cook when you signed me on. The kitchen was set up to be practically self-sustaining when I got here," he answered the question before the other could ask it. "I'm grateful you took a chance on me."

Jack shook his head. "It's the other way around, Lach. I'm grateful you took a chance on _me_," he told him. Then, "So what's for breakfast?" he asked. He knew he was overreacting, chasing all over the ship looking for Kam. He'd grab a bite to eat and head back to their quarters and… "You know what, never mind. Maybe you can just bring something by for me and Kam later?" There were several things he knew he should get to before breakfast and if he waited, he and Kam could have theirs together. Like always. Like normal. It might not really be 'normal', but it was normal for them and if there was one thing Jack wanted to give his partner it was normal.

"It would be my pleasure, Captain. And it would give me a chance to make you a better welcome home meal than oatmeal."

Jack's eyebrows shot up to his hairline. "What makes you think I haven't had my welcome home meal already, Crewman?"

….

Knives danced in Kam's guts. He could breathe but… but he _couldn't _breathe. What had he just done? He pulled back. Kase leant in—he put his hand on the older man's chest, stopping him from kissing him again. "Don't. Please." _Oh God…_ He was shaking. What had he done!

"You said we were alone."

"We are alone. That's not the point!" _Jack_… the knives dug in deeper. He held his arms tight around his body, but it did little to warm him. "I'm in love with _Jack_."

"He doesn't love you, Kam."

"You don't know him."

"I know that in two months, he never once called you by name."

"What?"

"He hardly even talked about you at all."

The world spun further out of control, bottomed out underneath him.

"He hardly ever talked about you," the other repeated. "And when he gets tired of you he'll sell your contract the same way Captain Aarons sold mine. Kam…" he reached out again, laid his hand on top of the younger man's arms. "I know he tells you he loves you and believe me, I know how much you want to believe him. But I also know that you you're too smart not to know the truth. When you get too old or your looks start to fade, he's going to sell your contract off It's what happens to all of us."

"You don't understand, it's not like that! Jack is my partner. My friend."

"He can call you anything he wants, but that doesn't change the fact that he owns you." He shot over a plaintive look. "We're all we have, Kam. We used to make each other feel so good. Please... I just want to forget for a few minutes about all the bad things… all the hurt. I want to help you forget, too." He leant in, kissed his cheek tenderly. "We can't have much time, they'll come looking eventually. We might never get another chance. We might never see each other again."

Kam closed his eyes. He understood the heartache he heard in Kase's voice. He knew what it felt like to be hurting so bad you would do anything not to hurt, even if it was just for a few minutes…

And Kase was right, some day he would be old. Someday his health would fail and he wouldn't be able to keep up with Jack because what the other man didn't know was that Jack would never grow old, not really. He would look exactly the same way he did now. The fire in those blue eyes would never go out.

_Will he really want me when I'm an old man? _

How could he?

He took a deep breath and let it out.

Behind his eyes, he could see the creased paper, Jack's looping handwriting. He'd read that letter so many times, he'd almost memorized every word. He'd read it so many times the paper was falling apart.

_Kam, my Cariad…_

… _I will be thinking of you every day that I'm not there with you.__…Miles, light years, __centuries__, don't matter...__ You kept me warm at night even when I didn't realize it was you who was lying there beside me in my dreams… __I will __**always**__ love you... my only hope is that someday, when this life is over, you'll find me again… I will always want you. Always need you. I will always be your friend…I love you for who you are…My partner, my lover, my best friend. I will never, ever forget that Kamden Anders lived and that I loved him more than anything...I will never forget that you were the one who made me believe in the impossible… _

"X-O," he whispered aloud. He still didn't know what the word was, but he knew what it meant.

"What?"

He opened his eyes. "It means he love me, Kase." He wiped the moisture from his cheeks; he hadn't even realized he was crying. It didn't matter. "Even if he didn't talk about me, X-O means he loves me." _It means he remembers me. He'll always remember me. Always want me._ There would be other lovers in Jack's long life—he wouldn't want it any other way, wouldn't ever want him to be alone. _But I'm the one who keeps him warm at night. _"Jack isn't like other people. I know it must seem that way. He's hard to figure out sometimes—he can be kind and… and bloody bombastic! But I _**know**_ he loves me."

"He owns you."

"He doesn't! I'm not… Kase, I am _not _a Cyprian anymore," he forced the word out of his mouth. He hated it. He hated it so much! "I got _out_. I ran away."

"No one gets out."

"I did. I found a way… I found Jack. He bought my contract… Kase, he did it so there wouldn't be a price on my head, so I could be free to choose to be with him."

"Why would you stay if you had a choice?"

"Because I love him."

_And now I have to find a way to tell him why I not only lied to him, but that I went and kissed someone else…_the very someone he'd pretended not to know. He was sure it wasn't going to look good. "We'll see each other again, Kase, I promise you we will," he said as he stood up. "It won't always hurt all the time. There is so much wrong with the galaxy—but there's so much right with it, too."

"Kam—"

He leant in and pressed a soft kiss to the other young man's forehead. "I care about you. But I love him. There's a difference."

Fear crept over the other's features as he realized… "If you tell him…"

"If I don't tell him, I won't be able to live with myself."


	13. Chapter 13

**Chapter Thirteen**

"_Desperation is the raw material of drastic change.  
Only those who can leave behind everything they have ever believed in can hope to escape."_

William S. Burroughs

* * *

Kase curled in on himself on the bunk. It was still too big. Too empty. Harkness had slept with him a couple of times over the past two months, but he never did more than hold him. He'd though it was because…

_I have a partner… _

But he didn't have a partner, he had a Cyprian! Kam _**belonged**_ to him! Everything Jack had told him was a lie!

_I'm not a Cyprian any more. I got out. I found a way. I found Jack._

But Harkness _**bought**_ his contract. That meant…

_He bought it so I wouldn't have a price on my head, so I could be free to choose to be with him._

If Kam really had a choice, why didn't he leave, find somewhere he could settle down, have a life, a _real life_ that would be all his own—a life not spent Serving another man's pleasure? Why would anyone _**choose**_ to stay with the person who had bought their contract?

_Because I love him. _

Through his tears, Kase looked down at his wrists, at the thick decorative tattoos. His gut wrenched.

Aarons hadn't loved him, he'd owned him.

Under the decorative ink, he could still see the House's markings. They were deep… so deep… it had burned so badly when they marked him that he was sure they were cutting off his hands… not that they ever would. Servers had to look perfect. No scars, no marks. Any injuries they sustained while Serving were tended quickly, scars carefully removed at the expense of the client who had put them there. The Houses protected their investments.

It hadn't escaped his notice that Kam's House markings had been removed. _**Skilfully**_ removed. If he hadn't known to look for the tattoos, he never would have noticed the faint, barely-there scars where they once had been. Someone who didn't know what Kam was would never be able to guess that he'd ever been owned by a Red House. It must have cost Harkness a fortune. Why would he spend that much money if Kam didn't belong to him?

Why would he spend that much money if he didn't really love him?

It hadn't escaped his notice, either, that Kam had a ring on a chain around his neck that was almost identical to the one Harkness wore… but… but they couldn't really be partners… _could they?_

Kam could never be Harkness' equal.

…..

Liza fielding looked up from her book when the Captain came into her cabin; he'd knocked. It was the knock that told her who was at her door, even before the door slid open. Jack was the only person she'd ever met who knocked. "It's good to see you, Sir," she smiled. It faded as soon as she saw the look on his face.

"Ms Fielding," he greeted her in a chilly tone.

She met his gaze with growing trepidation. He looked more angry than she'd expected.

"I hear there was an accident while I was off the ship."

"It was my fault, Sir."

"Mind if I sit?"

She shook her head; he came to the edge of the bed and sat down on the mattress next to her, rather than in the chair as she'd expected.

"The doc tells me you're going to have that thing on your leg for another three weeks." _At a minimum,_ Anna had further cautioned him.

"Yes, Sir. After that I'll be on light duty for a while." Of course that was assuming she would be on duty at all. He could dump her somewhere… or have his friend take her back to Empire territory. She hadn't thought he would, but looking into those cold blue eyes now, Liza wasn't so sure. "I'm sorry, Sir. It really was my fault. I was an idiot. Please don't blame anybody else. I know Buddy will tell you that he should've had my back, but the plain truth is that I was got sloppy and there was nothing he couldn't done to prevent this from happening. If it weren't for Buddy… if it weren't for him, I'd be dead, Sir." If he was going to put anyone off the ship it should be her, not Garrison. She held her breath and waited… "Please say something, Captain."

The softness of his touch when he reached out and laid his hand on her uninjured leg startled her as much the touch itself. "I… I should have been here, Ms Fielding. Liza. I'm sorry I wasn't."

"It wouldn't have mattered if you'd been here. I was careless…"

He shook his head. "I know you. You're not careless. I just… I'm not ready to lose you… _any_ of you."

Liza didn't understand hurt in his voice or the profound sadness in his eyes; she didn't know how many people he'd loved and lost over the years… the centuries. "It won't happen again, Sir," she promised; even not knowing the source of the ghosts that haunted him, she could see that they existed.

"Yes it will… it'll happen again… but just… just be careful out there, ok?" he forced a tight lipped smile.

"I will."

He got to his feet.

"Captain… what about… I mean… I know I'm not much use right now." She didn't deserve to be paid for their haul, not with the rest of the crew having to pick up the slack from her being stuck in bed like this.

He slid his hands into his pockets. "I'm sure we can think of _something_ to do with you," he said with a randy smile that only looked a little bit forced. He chuckled at her blush—his laugh wasn't forced at all. "In fact," he added in a considerably more thoughtful tone, "I might have just the job for you. It seems we've got a party to plan… what d'you say?"

"A party?"

He shrugged, clearly not wanting to tell her any more than that. "You think you're mobile enough to hobble down to the mess and talk to Lach about the details?"

She couldn't help the glimmer of hope she felt at the prospect of getting out of her cabin. It was stupid, she should just be grateful to still have a job, a home, but if he really meant he wanted her out of bed… "Anna says I have to stay put," she told him, hoping that he would countermand the doctor's order.

"I asked how _you_ felt."

"As long as I don't put any weight on my leg, I can get around just fine. Which I guess isn't really just fine…"

Jack chuckled a little more. "I'll have a word with the doc and see if we can't come up with some kind of crutch… or… maybe I'll have that word with Mr Garrison," he amended. He needed to talk to Buddy about something else, anyway.

"Thank you, Sir."

"Just take it easy."

"I will. And… thank you, Jack." She still had a hard time calling him by his first name, even though every other member of the crew did it too, even An, sometimes. He was the Captain, but… but she could tell by his expression that he liked being addressed informally.

….

Even before he opened the cabin door, the Captain could smell the coffee brewing and he knew what it meant. A smile filled his face… his heart.

After he'd left Liza, he walked down to the engine room, where he Buddy told him that Liza's injuries were all his fault and if he was going to be mad at anybody, it shouldn't be her…Jack had promised him _twice_ that he wasn't putting anybody off the ship or docking anybody's wages.

It had been all he could do to keep from telling anyone about Lach and Kai—it really was their announcement to make, although he didn't figure Lach would be upset that he sent Liza down to help with the planning. She was a lot like Lach (sensible, down to earth) and would probably be more help than _he_ would be. His idea of a wedding was… _was letting the other person do all the planning, _he mused ruefully. But in Laura's time, it was simply the custom that the bride (or more accurately her mother) did most of the planning. And Ianto… yeah. He didn't blame his Welshman for not having a whole lot of faith in his ability to plan wedding. He'd probably been right to take over the planning.

But the point remained that maybe Lach and Kai were onto something with the whole wedding idea. Maybe making it 'legal' wasn't the same thing as making it 'official.' Making it _public_…but it was more than that, even. Everybody on the _Welshman_ knew that Kai and Lach shared a cabin, that they were committed to one another.

_But they still want to have a wedding and exchange vows in front of their friends. _And maybe that wasn't such a crazy idea.

Jack slipped up behind the gorgeous young pilot who was puttering about in their little kitchenette and wrapped his arms around his waist. He'd been so engrossed in his own thoughts that he failed to notice the way Kam was very busy feverishly scrubbing down the bottom of a drawer whose contents were all over the countertop.

Jack nuzzled the back of his neck. "Where'd you run off to?" he asked in between playful kisses.

Kam pulled away and turned to face him, and the older man knew something was wrong, even before he spoke. "I… we need to talk."

'We need to talk' was one of a handful of phrases that Jack didn't like. It was even worse than 'about last night'. He glanced over Kam's shoulder and noticed what he'd been doing. He bet that if he looked, every drawer and cupboard had been emptied, washed down and re-organized. Ianto used to clean like that when he was upset or angry. _Usually at me. _"Did I do something wrong?" he asked out of instinct.

Kam blinked in surprise. "What? No. Of course you didn't." He broke eye contact, then. "I did," he admitted so softly that Jack barely heard the words.

"What…" What could Kam possibly have done wrong? But he could see the moisture gathering behind those beautiful brown eyes—eyes that were red-rimmed and bloodshot, like he'd already been crying. He tugged him towards the sofa, but Kam didn't seem to want to budge. "Talk to me sweetheart," he invited.

"I… there's something I should have told you before. And I didn't. And I'm sorry," he sniffled. "I'm so sorry, Jack. No matter what you end up thinking of me, I want you to know how much I love you and how sorry I am. I never, ever would have hurt you on purpose."

"Kam…" But when he tried to reach out to him, to tell him that nothing could be _that_ bad, the younger man stepped further away from him.

"Please don't, not until you've heard what I have to say."

Jack shoved his hands in his pockets and nodded. "Ok."

Kam had wrapped his arms around himself, like he was trying to block out the whole world.

_Or maybe just me? _"Kam?"

"I… it's… it's something I should have told you before. As soon as you got back. I'm sorry. I just… it's about Kase. Kase Cho," he finally managed.

_Kase?_ "What about him?"

"I know him, Jack. I know I acted like I didn't and I'm sorry, I'm so sorry. I know I said I'd never lie to you but… Jack, he was my trainer. The second one," he added quickly, when the scowl on the other's face begin to turn ugly. "He…he was good to me."

He understood. "You loved him."

"Yeah."

_But there are all kinds of love_, Jack reminded himself. And Kam… there was so much room in his young heart for love. All kinds of love.

Only the look on the younger man's face... "I kissed him, Jack. On Henry's ship about an hour ago. I'm sorry."

He sagged back against the counter, telling himself he shouldn't care about a kiss. What was a kiss?

But it wasn't the kiss, it was Kam's expression, the way he kept apologizing, because it didn't sounded like _I'm sorry for giving this guy I used to know a quick snog for old imes' sake, _it sounded more like _I'm sorry to hurt you, but I'm leaving you for this guy I just kissed because I'm still in love with him._

"Can ah…mind if I ask if it went any further?" he inquired, trying desperately to keep his voice neutral. Why was it bothering him so much that he might have? He was a fifty-first century guy! He wasn't _jealous_. He _**wasn't**_ possessive.

And he didn't understand the hurt of deep look that crossed over the younger man's face. "No, Jack. It was just a kiss."

He nodded, accepting his answer even though he knew it was more than just a kiss. It might not have gone any _further_ than a kiss but it was more. _How much more? _He wondered. But he could hardly blame Kam if he wanted a better life than scrounging junk out past the rim of human civilization. He'd offered his whole crew the same option, a fair severance if they wanted out, he just never thought… he hadn't even discussed it with Kam, he'd just assumed…

_**Forever. **_

He thought they were going to have forever and he'd assumed that meant the rest of this life. He_ wanted _the rest of this life.

But couldn't _**force**_ Kam to stay.

_And maybe all he needs is a little space,_ he told himself, trying to be rational. Maybe Kam just needed room to grow. After all _he_ was the one who kept telling the younger man that he could be with anyone he wanted, that he _should_ go out and experience other people. Other species. Usually he only meant it as a joke, any more, a way to get a rise out of Kam but… But maybe forever meant letting go—really letting go—and having faith that someday, some_when_, Kam would come back to him, if not in this life in another

Only he wanted this life. He needed it. He needed _him_. "You… you know… whatever you want…" he began, barely recognizing the sound of his own voice. "I…" _I don't want to lose you… _he'd never begged anybody to stay. It wasn't that he felt begging was beneath him. It wasn't. _But if someone wants to leave, what good does pleading do? _All it begging did was make the other person… people… uncomfortable. Unhappy. They were already unhappy, why add to it? Why make it worse on everybody by dragging it out like that? It was better to just move on, let them do the same… _even when it hurts. _

Kam was speaking again: "I know you can't kiss somebody on accident, Jack, but I _didn't_ mean it. It just happened. I loved him, I really did—but I didn't know what love _was_, Jack. I was just a scared kid and he was nice to me. He was _good_ to me. He was the first person who… who cared."

"I don't begrudge you that. I could never begrudge you _anything_. Whatever you want, just… just say the word." Because if all the younger man wanted was a little space, he would give it to him. _Please let that be all he wants… _Kam could go off and have all the sex with Kase or anybody else he wanted to for all Jack cared, _just as long as he comes home to me when he's done_. Only Kam wasn't saying anything. "Tell me what you want."

"For you to forgive me. For you to say you still love me. For... for you to be able to still trust me," he added in a hopeful tone.

The words took their time sinking in, settling into place because it didn't sound as if Kam wanted to leave him...

"I know I lied," the younger man kept talking when he didn't say answer right away. "I should have said I knew Kase before, I shouldn't have gone to talk to him, but I just wanted to know why he didn't want me act like I knew him. I know I was wrong. I know I messed up—"

Jack silenced him by pulling him into his arms and holding on tight. He pressed a kiss to Kam's temple. "I love you," he whispered in his ear. "And I trust you."

"I love you too. With all my heart." He looked at the immortal with pleading brown eyes. "Will… _can_… you forgive me?"

"Already done, Sweetheart." He tugged him towards the sofa again and this time, Kam let him. He let himself be pulled into the older man's lap; he curled up in his arms, sagging heavily against his chest. "I want forever with you," Jack whispered at him. "I'm not… I'm not going to let one little bump in the road get in the way of that," he smiled. He was sure that was what Ianto used to say to him… _and I'm pretty sure I gave us more than just 'little bumps in the road.'_

Kam returned his smile, but "I lied to you, Jack," he reminded him.

"You didn't lie. You just… you didn't tell me something. That's not the same thing as a lie."

"Yes it is."

He kissed him again. He didn't want to argue about whether or not it was really a lie. "You've told me now. That's all that matters."

Kam didn't seem to want to argue either.

"What d'you say we go back to bed?" Jack suggested them. "You look like you could use some sleep," he clarified. Kam looked exhausted.

The younger man nodded, started to get up. But then, "Jack… Kase said something to me," he bit his lip, hesitating.

"What is it?"

"Kase told me that the man he was with when you found him, Captain Aarons… he said Aarons used to tell him he loved him. Every day. But… but then he just… he sold his contract to you and Henry and Kase doesn't understand why. He's really hurting, Jack."

The immortal nodded. He understood what Kam was saying—what he wasn't saying. He understood that he wondered if they'd forced Kase away from someone who really cared about him because he knew Henry could do, what he had done, to get Aarons to sell them Kase's contract. "Aarons bought him from the House," he told the other simply, not elaborating on the fact that he'd had the same concern himself for a while, the same doubts, wondering if they'd done the right thing. It hadn't escaped his notice how withdrawn and distraught Kase was. Jack knew he'd been careless to just yank him away from Aarons like that, but under the circumstances, he hadn't seen any other way.

"You saw his wrists, Kam," he told his partner, gently rubbing the young man's wrists without thinking about it. "Aarons… he didn't seem like a bad fella, but… if you love someone, you have to let them choose what they want."

Kam nodded. He seemed to understand. "All I want is you Jack. Only you. _**Always**_ you."

* * *

**A/N:**

Thank you so much for the wonderful reviews and responses this has gotten. This is the final chapter before my vacation. Even though I'm not actually leaving until ***next*** week, this week has no real time budgeted for writing, at least not on this project. Look for the next chapter to come out in a couple of weeks… I finally decided to kind of treat the first 13 to 15 chapters as Part One, and the next set of chapters as Part Two. Part One has/is obviously mostly about Kase, Part Two will see the arrival of the Doctor… with Amy and Rory.

Anyone who's interested in some of my other projects is more than welcome to check out my blog. I've decided to try and get a few things wrapped up and do NaNoWriMo this year (finally!) The plan is to be extra brave and blog as I write… which means letting a totally rough draft go on the web for all the world to see (yikes!) I'm really looking/hoping for input. You guys here have been some of my greatest inspiration/encouragement, for which I am exceedingly grateful.

"See" y'all in two weeks!


	14. Chapter 14

**A/N:**

**Surprise! **I had (have) other things to do and work on, but Jack and Kam wouldn't leave me alone. So… this really, this ***is*** the last chapter before my holiday (and before the Doctor makes his appearance)—and it's a long chapter, too. Enjoy!

* * *

**Chapter Fourteen**

_"Hope is faith holding out its hand in the dark."_

George Iles

* * *

Henry found Leah Ali leaning into over an open panel. She jumped when she realized someone was standing right behind her; she looked even more startled when she realized who it was. Leah hadn't seen Mr Fitzroy since he had 'rescued' her from some of the _Welshman's_ former crew members, back on Omega station, when they were there last. She still shuddered to think what might have happened if he hadn't appeared; still didn't know what it was about the beautiful young man that was so… intimidating… that he'd run them off so easily.

"Sorry if I startled you," he held out his hand as she started to get to her feet.

As politely as she could, she waved off his offer. Her hands were covered in grime and he was wearing very expensive looking clothing. She hadn't realized the first time they met exactly how wealthy he was. She'd seen that ship of is; in her whole life, she would never make enough money to buy a ship like that. Probably not even her and Tom together could ever earn enough to own anything like that.

"Are… you lost, Sir?" she hazarded a guess. Why else would Fitzroy be down there? She wasn't exactly in one of the main corridors of the ship.

"No. I came looking for you. Mr Garrison was kind enough to point me in this direction."

"Me, Sir?"

"Henry," he corrected her gently. He had a predatory smile.

Her mouth went dry and she wiped her greasy palms off on her coveralls. "Erm… what can I…that is… why… did you come looking for me?" What could he possible want from her? There was the obvious…but he was a friend of Jack's.

He bit back a chuckle; it didn't seem an unkind laugh. In fact, it was a lot like the Captain's laugh.

"I just wanted to say hello. Jack and I were so rushed to leave the last time I was here, I never got the chance to see you."

"Why… why would you want to see _me_?" She wasn't anybody special, at least not to Henry Fitzroy.

"I suppose you could call it old fashioned courtesy, Miss Ali. I wanted to see how you were doing after the last time I saw you."

She nodded. She supposed it made sense enough; the last time Fitzroy…Henry…had been on the _Welshman_, he hadn't stayed long, he'd just picked up the Captain and left. Everyone was buzzing about that, too. At first they'd been sure something must be wrong, but both Kam and Mr Smeed insisted that everything was fine, that Jack just had some sort of personal errand to run, and until he got back, it would be business as usual. She might not have believed it, if it had only come from the First Officer, but when Kam said that everything was fine with the Captain, the ship, she knew it had to be true. (It wasn't that she didn't trust Mr Smeed, she absolutely did, it was just that Kam wasn't just another crew member, he was the Captain's lover… more than his lover, everybody on board knew that.)

And Henry Fitzroy was waiting for her to respond. "I… I'm all right, I suppose," she told him awkwardly. She wasn't used to people like him talking to people like her. She'd always worked hard, always managed to scrape by, but there had been more than one time in her life when she wasn't so sure where her next meal was coming from. Usually people like Henry Fitzroy, people who never had to worry about things like that, kept themselves as far away from the hardships of others as they could. That way, they could keep on pretending that the Empire was right, that poverty and crime no longer existed.

"Are you working alone?" he asked her then, interrupting her thoughts.

Leah shrugged. "I… I'm just trying to get to the bottom of what's wrong with the electric down here. Last time it started acting like this, we had bugs."

"Could lend you a hand?"

"No…I… I mean… it's all right," she glanced at his suit again.

Henry rolled up his sleeves, "I'm not afraid of a little dirt, Ms Ali. And I don't bite." Then he flashed a wicked little smile, "at least not without permission."

The biggest part of the joke was lost on Leah, who like most people was comfortable in their certainty that vampires existed only in the musty old work of Bram Stoker and Ann Rice. Just the same, she fidgeted uncomfortably under his gaze. "I… it really isn't your problem, Sir. Henry."

"I'm a guest on the _Welshman_. The least I can do is help out. Believe it or not, I'm pretty capable with my hands," only when he said it, he sounded so much like Jack…but that made her feel better, because she liked Jack. More than that, she trusted him. And maybe she was wrong to assume that just because Henry Fitzroy had money that he was like everybody else from the upper classes, the same way that she'd been wrong to assume that Jack was like every other Captain she'd ever served under.

"I guess I shouldn't turn down the offer," she said. His smile made her cheeks grow redder still. _Definitely just like Jack…_ "I should warn you, I've got a boyfriend," she told Fitzroy, although mostly she was teasing at him, trying to get herself comfortable being around somebody who came from such a different part of society.

"Well then you have my word that I will be on my very best behaviour, Ms Ali."

"I think that's what scares me. And it's Leah."

Henry smiled some more. "Leah," he affirmed. "And for the record, I've got a wonderful woman waiting for me back on Omega. But even if I didn't, your virtue would be completely safe."

Her virtue? Who in the galaxy talked like that anymore, she wondered… "Let's get you fixed up with some coveralls," she suggested, rather than asking.

…

'Morning' (evening), came way too soon; Jack hadn't slept, he'd just laid in bed, holding Kam close… so close. He watched him sleep, listening to him breathe, hanging onto every precious second, letting his mind wander. He wondered if he could really give Kam the kind of life he deserved.

If the whimpers that plagued the younger man most of the night were any indication, his sleep had been plagued by nightmares; Jack could only begin to imagine what they were about. He held his young pilot while his eyes moved rapidly behind their lids, while his fingers twitched, and his limbs jerked. He soothed him as best as he could without waking him, whispering to him that he was loved. That he was safe…the sound of his voice seemed to bring a measure of comfort, at least.

He remembered holding Ianto through nightmares like that, too. They'd both seen so much pain, so much hurt. _I just want to give you something better… _he pressed a soft kiss to his lover's shoulder. There would be no house in this life, no rose bushes, no family, no children, but… "But I want to give you everything I can," he told him softly. The only question was: What did he have to offer? A broken down ship? Life on the run from the Empire?

Jack kissed his shoulder again. His skin was salty… sweet…_and maybe I should just enjoy the moment,_ he decided. Human life was so short, so fragile… "Hey…" he whispered softly, "Kam… it's time to get up." He nudged him a little.

Kam muttered something unintelligible in his sleep.

"I know," he told him, even though he had no idea what he'd just said. "But shift starts in an hour."

Lazily, the young man rolled over; his eyes were barely half open. He smiled; his smile made Jack feel... light. Happy. When he leant in, the immortal met his kiss without hesitation.

"I missed waking up next to you," Kam told him.

"Me too."

"About last night…"

"Don't worry about it, Sweetheart."

"I just wanted to say thank you, Jack. For understanding. For not being mad. I'll never lie to you again."

"I know. I trust you." He leant in and pressed another soft kiss to his young partner's lips. "I need to take care of a couple of things after breakfast. You mind keeping an eye on the bridge for me?"

"I suppose I'll manage," he responded in a dry tone. Then… "It's Kase, isn't it."

"Yeah. There are some things I think he needs to hear."

"Go easy on him, Jack. He really didn't mean… that kiss…he doesn't understand about us. I don't think he knows how to."

"I know. That's what I intend to straighten out."

….

Kase didn't realize he'd fallen asleep until the sound of footsteps outside the door startled him back to wakefulness… he heart caught in his throat. He knew the sound Harkness' boots made on the cold metal deck plating. More than anything, he wanted to pretend to still be asleep, but what good would that do? Harkness could do anything he wanted. Take anything he wanted. Ignoring how bad every inch of his body ached, Kase rolled over, sat up. Moving hurt… even opening his eyes hurt.

The Captain stood in the doorway a long moment; his hands were shoved into his pockets. That usually meant he was waiting. Thinking.

_Deciding what to do to me._ Kase swallowed hard. A part of him had hoped Kam would change his mind, not tell him… but if someone had kissed him while he'd belonged to Captain Aarons, he knew he would have told his Captain. His insides turned on themselves. He'd been so sure Aarons… maybe it wasn't love, not real love (love between equals), but he'd been sure it was _something_. He was sure _he'd_ been something to the old man.

He wasn't anything to anyone.

Unbidden, his mother's image came into his mind… but if she'd hadn't loved him, either. How could she have?

_How could anybody?_

Kase got to his feet. He hadn't been on the receiving end of too many 'disciplinary actions' by the House. He'd been too young when he first got there for anybody to really care about, or even notice him, most of the time. Just the same, he had some idea of what was coming.

"It was my fault, Sir," his tone was soft. Even. "I was out of line. I… it wasn't his fault, Captain, he didn't do anything wrong. He told me no. I pushed him." He only hoped that Harkness hadn't already taken his anger out on Kam.

He forced himself to take a quick glance at the older man's face; it was impossible to tell what Harkness was thinking... _but his eyes look so cold._ It was like the Captain was staring straight through him, coming to some sort of conclusion. Kase was afraid to know about what.

"Come with me," he said at length.

"Yes, Sir." It wasn't like he had a choice.

Henry didn't seem to be in the ship as they passed through the passenger cabin…_not that it would matter._ He was sure Henry would have words…worse… for him later. He might not be certain of much at the moment, but there was one thing he of which he knew he could be absolutely confident: Henry cared for Jack a great deal. He was sure to be at least as angry as the Captain himself over his crossing a line with the Captain's…

_I'm not a Cyprian, not any more… _

He swallowed hard. What else could Kam be? He was only twenty… maybe twenty-one. He was still young. Beautiful. He hadn't been out of the House long enough to understand that he would never be free.

In short order, they arrived at their destination; the Captain hit the pressure plate on the wall. The door slid open and he stepped aside, gesturing Kase to go in first. The young man found himself in a very un-nefarious seeming room. It looked like it might be the Captain's office.

"Have a seat," he told him.

Kase perched at the edge of one of the chairs and looked up at the older man. A part of him was desperate to know that Kam was all right, but he knew better than to ask, better than to give Harkness anything he could use to hurt either of them…

"Mind telling me what happened?" the Captain's voice sliced through his thoughts. He was sitting on the edge of his desk, facing him. Towering over him.

"There's not much to tell, Sir. I… know… I know he's yours, Sir," it hurt to say it aloud. He'd been so willing to let himself believe that Harkness was different, but how could he be? "I… I'm not sure what came over me. I… I made a mistake, I know that."

It was the closest thing Jack reckoned he was going to get to an explanation or even an apology. He understood. If Kam really had belonged to him, there was _nothing_ Kase could say to justify what he'd done, nothing to get him out of whatever kind of punishment Jack could dream up for the 'violation of property.' His gut tightened.

He remembered, too, the way Kam had tried to seduce him, less than a day after having been brutally raped… repeatedly raped. The way he'd assured him that even though he had a couple of cracked ribs, he mouth still worked just fine… his gut wrenched. He'd all but forgotten how vulnerable Kam had been back then, how desperate he was for approval, for comfort of any kind. How vulnerable he could still be at times… _but he still found the courage to run away. _They'd never talked about it; Jack had never asked. He wondered now how Kam had ever found the courage to leave. _What makes him so different from you? _he thought in Kase's direction. "I want to show you something," Jack got to his feet. "I assume you can read?"

"Yes, Sir," he answered quickly. Nervously.

The Captain nodded and stepped around to the back of his desk; he swivelled the screen so it was facing the other man and brought up a document.

Kase licked his lips.

"Do you know what that is?"

"Yes, Sir. It's a contract, Sir." He paused a moment.

The Captain waited. He knew the particulars of the document were lengthy enough that it would take a couple of seconds to come to…

"It's…" but Kase hesitated again. "It's for Kamden Anders, Sir. It's between his legal guardian and the Red House, Sir."

Jack nodded again and scrolled down to the end of the text; the details weren't what mattered. What mattered was that Kam's contract had been amended when Henry bought it, because at that point Kam belonged to him. He'd signed it over to Jack, who in turn signed it over to Kam, essentially freeing him of all future obligations to anyone.

"He doesn't belong to me," he told the thunderstruck young man sitting in front of him, though he was reasonably certain by his expression that Kase had pieced that together for himself. _Finally_. "He's my lover, my friend, my partner—but _only_ because he wants to be." _Only because he loves me_… Jack didn't realize his fingers had brushed against the ring again.

Kase didn't seem to be able to respond, but it looked like there were a million questions buzzing around inside his head.

The immortal man could guess at a few of them, and did his best to answer. "I lent him the money to get the tattoos removed. I tried to pay for it, but he wouldn't let me. He didn't want to owe me anything. He was already signed onto my ship—it was just a short term contract, but it was enough to cover what it cost of getting them removed," he fudged the truth a bit. He'd made sure Kam earned enough to pay him back that on that first haul. He didn't want any kind of monetary debt hanging between them when he offered the younger man a permanent berth on the _Welshman_.

"I only want to be with someone who wants me as a lover, Kase. That's the way it's _supposed_ to work," he told him. He pulled up another document. "This is Kam's contract. It's identical to the contract of every other member of my crew." He sat back and gave the young man a moment to read the document. It wasn't nearly as long and complicated as the Red House contract.

He watched as he slowly digesting the fact that Kam, just like the rest of his crew, was paid a fair percentage out of the profits after each haul was sold, that their duties included only things like showing up for their required shifts on time, working to the best of their ability, reporting any inability to perform their assigned tasks to either himself, Mr Smeed or the ship's doctor. Some of it was standard, but most of the clauses in the _Welshman's_ contract, Jack had drafted himself. Most Captains didn't care about the things that mattered most to him. But the point he hoped Kase was getting, was that Kam earned his own money. He could leave anytime he wanted to.

He gave him a few minutes to let that sit, before speaking again. "We—_**I**_—came swanning in and scooped you out of your life. I'm sorry for that. I know it's been rough for you, trying to adjust to so much at once. I want you to know that from now on, whatever you need, whatever you _want_, all you have to do is ask. I know it's hard for you to trust anyone… I guess it's even harder for you to trust me. Talk to Kam…"

"Sir?" he sounded… hopeful. Frightened.

Jack understood. "He's on the bridge for the rest of the shift. He usually takes lunch about mid-way through. I'll ask him to come find you if you'd like."

The younger man licked his lips nervously; they were dry and chapped. He seemed afraid to answer.

"Kam told me everything," he said. "Kase… you have nothing to be afraid of here. I promise you. If I'd known, if I had any idea that you two knew each other, I wouldn't have… I would have handled things differently," he told him. He wasn't sure what he would have done, _but it would have been different. _"Kam told me about you before An ever asked for my help, but he never mentioned your name. He only said that there was someone who was good to him. For that, I'm in your debt, Mr Cho."

….

Kam looked up when the Captain came onto the bridge—An looked his way too, but only briefly.

"Mr Weiss, think you can handle the bridge for a minute? Jack asked Carsten. "I need to steal your pilot."

Although the older man could see a number of responses crossing over the face of the handsome man sitting next to Kam… he really was handsome, he reflected absently. It wasn't that he'd never noticed Carsten Weiss before now it was just… _he seems so much more grown up than he was a year ago… _or maybe it was just that he'd been away for so long that he was seeing his people differently. They didn't look like kids any more.

Regardless, and whatever Carsten happened to think of his request, he nodded. "I think I can manage, Sir," he said in an even tone.

"Mr Anders?"

"Of course, Sir," Kam rose to his feet without question, though Jack could see in his eyes that he wondered what was going on. He was probably worried about the conversation he knew he'd had with Kase.

Before taking his leave, the Captain stepped over to An Cho's station; her eyes were red-rimmed and blood shot. He was almost surprised to see her on deck tonight… or maybe not. She was a trooper. Besides, what good would sitting in her cabin crying, do? He laid his hand gently on her shoulder and was surprised (shocked more like) when she laid her hand over his. He noticed how thin her hands were, how rough… calloused. She'd had a hard life.

He leant in close to ensure an extra measure of privacy. "Give him time, An. He'll come around."

"I… I'm not sure of that, Sir. But thank you. I…I can't tell you how much… " she choked up, looked away quickly; An wasn't prone to displays of emotion. Jack respected that. He respected the way she'd tried to insist on paying him back for her son's contract. He wasn't about to let her even try, but he respected it that she made the offer. More than offer, she'd had every intention of following through.

He gave her shoulder a gentle squeeze and turned back to the young blond who was waiting for him patiently by the doors, clearly consciously hanging back to give he and An privacy, even though he reckoned Kam knew full well what they were talking about.

"After you," Jack motioned for the young pilot to exit the bridge ahead of him. "My office," he said as Kam turned to flash him a quizzical look.

Even with what seemed to be a million questions going through his brain, he merely nodded and walked towards the Captain's office. He didn't ask what was wrong until the office door was shut securely behind them.

Without answering, Jack sank into a chair and stretched out his hand. Kam took it immediately and he drew his partner into his lap and held him close for a long, long moment.

"Cariad, what is it?" he asked again. It wasn't like him to pull him off the bridge like this during the middle of their shift. There was so much emotion in those blue eyes… he couldn't read half of it. "Jack?"

He still didn't answer; instead, he pressed his mouth against Kam's lips. It was a sweet kiss, tender, wanting but not wanton. The young man kissed him back in kind.

"I don't think I realized how much I missed you until yesterday," the immortal told him.

"I did. I missed you so much. I hated you being away. I understood why you had to go, but I hated it, Cariad." He didn't say it, but Jack could hear it in his tone: _please don't ever leave me like that again._

"I hated it, too," he told him.

"Tell me what's wrong, Jack."

"I talked to Kase. I pulled up your contract. The one… the old one."

"My Red House contract," Kam said unabashedly what the older man didn't seem to be able to.

Jack nodded.

"I don't mind, Cariad, if that's what you're worried about."

Clearly it was—but it wasn't the only thing. "Kam… how did you do it?"

"Do what?"

"How did you get out of that place? Where did you find the courage?"

"It wasn't courage, Jack. It was fear. I was nineteen. I knew that my contract would be coming up for sale soon. I reckoned I had a little time… if you have a lot of regular clients, the House will make it so it's harder for someone to buy your contract until you're at least twenty two or twenty three, but if someone really wants you, if they have enough money…" he shrugged.

"You had a lot of regulars." It wasn't a question.

He nodded anyway. It was hard to have those beautiful, immortal blue eyes gazing at him the way Jack was looking at him just then. "I'm sorry, Cariad."

"It wasn't your fault."

"I know. But I'm still sorry. I wish… I wish I wasn't so used up… I wish I could give you someone who would be only yours, a body that no one else had ever touched."

Jack studied him for a long moment, looking like he was trying to decide something. Kam let him. He didn't know what it was, but… but he forced himself to believe that it wasn't anything bad. _XO,_ he told himself. He still didn't know what it meant, just that it meant Jack loved him.

"I… I was going to hold out for a better time," the immortal finally began. "But I guess… if there's one thing I've learned over the years, it's that 'now' is always the best time for anything."

Kam just nodded. He didn't realize he was chewing on his lower lip.

"I was thinking about Kai and Lach," Jack explained—he'd spilled the beans over breakfast, although by then half the crew knew as well, so it was hardly a secret any more. "Maybe they're onto something." He didn't catch the hopeful glint in those immortal blue eyes.

"I'm happy for them," he simply repeated what he'd said when Jack first told him. And really, Kam was only a tiny bit jealous… not of Kai and Lach, he liked them both so much, he was so happy for them both, but… _but Jack will __**never **__be able to marry me, he doesn't even exist in this time._ Jack told him that a long time ago; he'd made peace with it, with just taking what the older man was able to give him. Besides, what was marriage to a man who would live forever, anyway? "Kai and Lach are really great together," he said, trying to fill the sudden gap in the conversation, and not recognizing the way his partner was fishing for any hint that might say 'yes' if asked.

"Yeah," was all the older man said. "I think so, too. And so what if it's not legal?" his tone was boisterous. "That's not such a big deal as long as we're stuck out here."

"No, I guess not. What really matters is how they feel about each other. Wanting to share that with the rest of us."

"People always used to say that weddings aren't about the people getting married anyway, they're about everybody else."

Kam smiled; it was only a little bit strained. "I always thought the people getting married were the ones it really mattered to."

"Yeah. I guess even if it's not official, it's still a big deal. Lach said not to make it into anything special, though," he added.

"I think we should make it special for them."

"Me too."

"If they ever get back to Empire territory, they can always file with the Domestic Registry office if they want," Kam added. Not that everyone did. Registering involved a fee, and a lot of people simply didn't have the money. That didn't mean that they didn't take their partners and partnerships seriously, love each other, support each other. Only people with money had to worry about survivorship and inheritance laws, anyway.

"Yeah," was all Jack said when he said as much aloud. He cleared his throat. "So… I was thinking… maybe… if you were interested… maybe you and me… ?" he gave over another hopeful look.

"Are… are you asking me…" Kam hesitated; he wasn't at all sure he was breathing. What if he was reading him all wrong? But… "Are you asking me to marry you?"

"If you'll have me. I know it's not legal—"

"I don't care. Yes. Yes I'll have you, Cariad. I'll have you for the rest of my life, I'll have you forever, Jack. When the last star goes out I'll be waiting for you."

"I'll be happy to settle for the rest of this life, Sweetheart."

"I won't. I want… I want forever with you. But I suppose the rest of this life is a good enough place to start."


	15. Chapter 15

A/N:

I don't even know what to say after so long an absence… but I missed you guys! I missed Kam and Jack and the rest of the crew of the _Welshman_, too. So I'm back. But chapters are going to be slow in coming (although hopefully not six and seven months in coming!) I'm working on an original fiction novel, and keeping my fingers and toes crossed that I can sell it ;-) As long as I can get in my quotas for the week on that, I'll try to keep up on this, too.

So… mostly this chapter was to get me back into the swing of things with the _Welshman_ and his crew, trying to find my own feet again with these people I haven't seen in so long.

I do intend to keep that promise about the Doctor, Amy and Rory putting in appearance… after all, what would a wedding be without wedding crashers? :) I just need to re-orient myself a little first. I hope you enjoy, and sorry it's so short. But I promised my friend Kitsa that if she posted today, I would too and she beat me to it by several hours, so…. Besides, it did seem like a good place to stop for the moment. I hope to have more up within the next couple of weeks.

* * *

**Chapter Fifteen**

"_What seems to us as bitter trials are often blessings in disguise__"_

Oscar Wilde

* * *

Kase found the observation area easily enough, though he hadn't expected anyone to be sitting there, especially not a lone crewman reading a book. A real book. Not a datapad.

Captain Harkness… his ship… nothing was what he was used to, what he expected. On Captain Aarons' ship, when the crew had downtime they spent it… Kase realized suddenly he wasn't sure _where_ they went—it certainly wasn't as if any of Aarons' crew had ever invited him to spend leisure time with him. They wouldn't have dared. In the six years he'd lived there, he didn't think he'd really even talked to anyone besides the Captain. No one had bothered to talk to him, either.

They were too afraid of what the Captain would think; after all, Kase was the Captain's plaything. If anyone spoke to him, other than civil necessities, it might have looked as if they were trying to overstep their bounds. Truthfully, he'd never encouraged anyone to be friendly toward him. He… he didn't think he'd ever really had a friend. Even Kam… he swallowed hard. How did anybody get to be twenty five years old and never have a friend? Kase glanced down at his own wrists again. He knew the answer to that question; friends were a luxury only free men and women could afford.

The crewman looked up; he flashed a smile that Kase couldn't interpret.

"Care to join me?"

Kast stiffened. "I… my contract belongs to Henry Fitzroy," he informed the other, unable to keep the fear from his tone. He knew it wasn't strictly true, Henry didn't want his contract, he didn't want him. But at that very moment, his contract still belonged to the handsome aristocrat. That meant he was safe, no one else could touch him, not without Henry's permission. He was relatively certain Henry hadn't granted this man permission.

The man laughed; Kase didn't like the sound. He liked it even less when the other got to his feet and held out his hand.

"I belong…"

"I know," he cut him off with what a smile that almost passed for kind. "I'm not… I'm just trying to… I guess to make up for past mistakes," he said sheepishly. He held out his hand. "The name's Avi Stasi. Avi," he added, inviting Kase to call him by his first name.

"I don't understand." What past mistakes—and why would anyone invite him to use their first name? _Henry did. Jack did._ But Henry and Jack didn't make sense.

"You want to sit?" Avi Stasi offered again, nodding at the chair across from the settee he settled himself back onto.

Kase swallowed hard. He didn't want to sit, he wanted… he wanted his life to go back to the way it had been before Harkness came 'swanning' into it, as he put it. Only how could he want to go back to Captain Aarons? Aarons didn't care about him. He certainly didn't love him, no matter what he said. He… he suppressed a sob and sat down. Kam had sent word that he would meet him here, so here was where he needed to be.

"For all it's worth, you're safe here, Mr….?" Avi left it hanging for him to supply a name.

"Kase. Just Kase."

"Kase," the other echoed without protest.

Perhaps, Kase thought, the rest of Harkness' crew _didn't_ know about his mother and her 'mistake'—he'd presumed they did, surely information like that was the stuff of gossip. Or worse. The more people knew about each other, the more ammunition they had to hurt each other. He cleared his throat and tried to make small talk. "How… how long have you been here? This ship, I mean," he clarified, probably needlessly.

"A little over a year. Most of us signed on at the same time," Stasi added. "Will you be staying?" The question seemed one of only honest curiosity.

"I… don't really know," Kase told him the truth. He wasn't used to having to make his own decisions. He didn't want to stay, not with his mother here, but where else could he go? He supposed there was Omega Station, but if Henry didn't want him, if he wasn't going to use him, protect him… take care of him… Kase pulled his legs up under him. "Do… do you like it here?" he asked, mostly to keep the conversation going. Conversations weren't supposed to lag. Clients… he shook himself. He wasn't sitting with a client. He doubted this man could ever have afforded to visit a Red House.

"The _Welshman_ is a good ship. He's got a good Captain," Avi told him. He sounded like he meant it.

"I thought ships were usually called 'she'."

Avi just smiled. "I hear the Captain named him after someone he used to know. I guess that person was a man."

Kase nodded; he didn't know what to say to that. He was usually good at this, sitting and talking to a stranger. But most of the strangers he'd had to talk to weren't really interested in sustained conversation—either that or they were like Captain Aarons, interested in talking but not in listening. He'd had to say very little to keep Aarons entertained. He was grateful when Kam rounded the corner only a moment later.

"Sorry I took so long, we had a minor 'emergency' on the bridge," he rolled his eyes.

Avi gave over a questioning look—then shook his head. "Maybe I don't want to know," he decided sagely.

Kam smiled. "You probably don't. But I'd stay away from the Captain for the next little while if I were you. I left him with a fresh pot of coffee," he added.

Avi nodded and excused himself.

"Is everything all right?" Kase asked Kam, when the younger man sat down.

"Jack's trying to negotiate some time planet-side for us, but the locals aren't being very cooperative. Then again, neither is Jack."

"Kam, I…" he hesitated. "I'm sorry. I… I was out of line before. I hope I didn't get you into trouble."

Kam's brows furrowed. From what Jack had said, Kase understood… _but how can he, really?_ Kam tried to imagine himself in Kase's place and he couldn't. Even after he'd run away from the Red House, he barely understood what it meant to be free. _Even after I came here…_ "Everything has been worked out," he told Kase smoothly. "Jack and I talked. He understands. He wasn't angry."

Kase nodded; he didn't seem entirely convinced.

"Jack is my… he's my partner. He asked me to marry him."

"You wanted to see me?" Henry asked, when Jack admitted him into his office.

"Yeah. I know you need to get back to Omega, but, I was wondering if I could ask for one more favour before you left."

"Anything, you know that, Jack."

Jack smiled. He got up and slid his hands into his trouser pockets. "You hear the crew talking about Kai and Lach?" He asked; he perched on the edge of his desk.

Henry settled himself into one of the chairs in front of it, folding his slender, pale hands gracefully over one knee. "I'm very happy for them," he said.

"They asked me to say a few words…"

"And you'd like some pointers?"

He scoffed. They both knew the last thing Jack needed help with was talking. Well, maybe not the _last_ thing… "Talking to Kai and Lach gave me an idea." He ignored the mock-worried look Henry sent his way. His ideas were never _that_ bad and Henry knew it. "I was thinking how you missed mine and Ianto's wedding… sunlight and all," he smiled—Henry chuckled. "I was wondering if you'd be there for me and Kam."

"Of course, gladly."

"One more thing. I erm… I was thinking that maybe since you're technically still a part of the monarchy…" he shrugged. The one thing he hadn't been able to figure out was who to ask to ask to marry them because even if it wasn't exactly legal, it was still important. He supposed he could ask Jimmy, but… somehow that didn't seem right.

"I would be happy to be happy to perform the ceremony, Jack."

"Thanks, Henry. Not just for this. If it weren't for you…" He'd come so close to walking out on Kam, after the younger man saw him die.

"Ianto said something to me once," Henry told him, his words slow, thoughtful. "I didn't understand it at the time. I think maybe I do now. He asked me to be there for you, when _he_ most needed you. It didn't make any sense, but he said that someday it would, although it wouldn't be in his lifetime."

Jack felt his jaw becoming slack. "He knew… _you_ knew…"

"The only thing I knew for certain was that you were lonely and hurting, Jack, that you had mourned for far too long and it was time for you to get on with your life, for your own sake. I would love Kam for what he's given you no matter who he was—or wasn't—in the past. But seeing him again does give me hope that someday Vickie might come back into my life."

Jack smiled, he couldn't help himself. "She was something."

"Yes, yes she was."

"Do you ever think… do you ever look around you and wonder about the people around you? Wonder if they were people you knew, before?"

Henry laughed. "Only every day—although there are some I would rather never see again. But we can't live in the past, you and I. We're too old. We would be consumed by it."

"Sometimes… sometimes my crew, Henry, the way they've stuck it out with me through all this... but what are the odds, right?" he laughed it off. What _were_ the odds that one of his crew might have been Owen Harper or Toshiko Sato in some past life?

Still, he would give anything to hear Martha's laugh again, or see Tosh's shy smile. To hear Mickey making wisecracks or Owen complaining. To see Alice, even if in another life she was somebody else's daughter. He even missed Abby's music… occasionally.

Would he even recognize them if he saw them again, he wondered?

Would he know Kam the next time they met? Would there _be_ a next time?

Henry was right, if he wasn't careful, the past would consume him. The pain. The grief. The mistakes. That was the one thing about living forever, he made so many mistakes… _You'd think living forever I'd learn, I'd get more right,_ he mused ruefully.

But Henry was right about something else, too: Knowing it was possible that the people he had loved and buried weren't really lost forever filled him with such… _hope_… that the future seemed bearable.


	16. Chapter 16

**A/N:**

Thank you so much for the wonderful reviews! I am so glad that people are still reading an enjoying this. :)

I woke up with two scenes in my head this morning, one for this story and one for the original fiction I'm working on... but this ended up getting first dibs. Credit for that goes at least in part to Cole, who sent me a lovely private message wanting to see more Kase… I think that's what made this scene so long.

….

**Chapter Sixteen**

"_We're never so vulnerable than when we trust someone -  
but paradoxically, if we cannot trust, neither can we find love or joy__"_

Walter Anderson

"_**Marry**__ you_?" Kase's jaw went slack when Kam told him Jack had proposed.

"He loves me, Kase. And I love him." _For the rest of my life… __**forever**__. _Even if Jack was afraid to believe in forever, Kam did. This life, the next, the next…for however long Jack was really around, he would be there, he would find a way back to him. He would love him. _Even when it's difficult…_ because deep down inside, he knew it wouldn't always be easy to love Jack Harkness. But there was no one else he wanted.

"I'm happy for you," Kase's voice was a choked whisper.

"Kase…"

"I should… go." He stood up and started to turn away.

Kam got quickly to his own feet and caught his arm. "Kase, wait. We need to talk."

"About what?"

"Anything you want."

"Nothing here makes any sense Kam! I don't even know where to start! My life used to make sense and now… now I don't understand any of it! An… your Captain, this ship…you…" he tried to turn away.

Kam refused to let go; he pulled Kase into his arms and held tight while Kase shook without really crying. "I know… shhhh… I know it doesn't make sense, but… but it doesn't have to. All you need to know is that you're safe here. You're free."

"I don't know what free means. I don't think I want to."

Kam pulled Kase down onto the settee with him. "You don't mean that."

"Yes I do. Free means…" he wiped the tears from his cheeks and started trying to calm himself, though Kam suspected it wasn't because he felt calm or better, but only because they'd both knew a Server was never supposed to look anything but beautiful. Red puffy eyes were not beautiful. "It means having to make decisions I don't know how to make, Kam. Decisions I don't _want_ to make. It means taking care of myself and I don't know how! I can't get a proper job, like the one you've got because, I only have one skill, I'm only good for one thing!"

"That's not true."

"I was _six_…" he stifled another sob, though just barely. Kam held him tight while he got control of himself, though truthfully, he wished Kase would let out, would cry, scream, whatever he had to do, instead of keeping everything he must be feeling bottled up inside. He knew why Kase was acting that way, it was the training; he only hoped that when Kase was alone he cried, really cried. Anna said tears were healthy, that it was good to let go of the hurt. She had helped him when he thought Jack didn't want him anymore, when he thought Jack wanted him to move out of their quarters—he had the feeling she'd given Jack a good what-for about it, too. _And I know how lucky that makes me,_ he thought. He had people who cared about him, people he _knew_ cared about him. People he trusted, could turn to.

He had friends. Real friends.

Kase took in a ragged breath and let it out again. "I've only ever had one life, Kam. You… you had a life before. You had a mother who loved you, someone who never would have given you up. You know what it means to… to not be afraid. You know how to trust people. I don't know what to do or where to go or how to act or… or _anything_! None of my training works out here."

Kam nodded. "Not here." Out there, back in the so-called Great and Bountiful Human Empire, Kase's training—their training—did work. There was always someone willing to take advantage of someone like Kase. Someone like him. But there, on that ship… "The _Welshman_ isn't like any other ship I've been on. Not that I've been on many," he confessed with a soft smile as he shifted them into a more comfortable position; he didn't let go of Kase's hands. "But from what the rest of the crew says, this is the best ship in the galaxy." He thought about Avi and his life, his experiences on other ships. He'd been on more of them than almost anyone; only An had had more postings. _Being de-certified seems almost worse than never having had Certification,_ he mused. Not that he and An had talked much more than he and Avi did, but when he had questions about the way the Human Empire worked, Anna was a great help. She explained Certification to him, what it meant to have it. To lose it, the way she'd lost her medical license because she had felt compelled to help those less fortunate… _which seems like everybody…_

It had been Anna's idea for him to talk to Avi—really talk to him, get to know him rather than just offering a truce. Kam was glad he had.

Avi didn't like to talk about his past, but he _had_ wanted to explain himself… and then he stopped trying to explain because he said he didn't want to use his past as an excuse for his bad behavior, for the way he'd treated Kam, the things he'd expected. In the end, they decided to just move on from the present and let the past stay where it was, but the point was they'd talked, really talked, for maybe the first time ever. And without meaning to, Avi had taught Kam a lot about the way the galaxy worked; he'd known, he supposed, how cold and ugly it could be, but hearing even a fraction of Avi's story told him that it worse than he'd ever guessed. It was little wonder none of the crew was especially unhappy at having been forced to leave human space, why none of them had taken Jack up on his offer of a generous severance package.

He almost laughed. Any other captain would have told them that if they didn't like where he was taking his ship, he would be happy to dump them off with whatever they had in their pockets at the nearest port and let them find their own way home. Some wouldn't be that generous. Only Jack would come up with an idea like offering a 'severance package' to a bunch of spacers.

"This ship is special," Kam said into the mostly comfortable silence that had fallen between them. "His crew. His captain."

Kase swallowed and looked away. "I don't understand him."

At that, Kam did chuckle, though not unkindly. "He is unique."

Kase managed a smile. "That's an understatement."

At that, Kam's smile broadened. "Yeah. Yeah it is."

"How did you do it, Kam? How did you get out? Where did you find the courage?"

"I told you…"

"I don't just mean the courage to escape, I mean… your life. You seem happy." The longing in his tone broke Kam's heart all over again.

"I am happy," he promised the older man. "It's not just Jack. He _is_ a huge part of it. Loving him. Knowing he loves me. Knowing he wants me—truly wants me. He gave me my freedom, Kase. And… he made sure I took it."

Kase's brows creased—and he quickly corrected the expression. Frowning caused wrinkles and a Server was nothing without his looks.

Kam ran his thumb gently over Kase's brow. "You don't have to be afraid of a few wrinkles, Kase."

The other swallowed hard. "I'm twenty-five, Kam."

"That's hardly old."

"It is for a Server. That's all I know how to be."

"Then you'll have to learn how to be something else."

Kase didn't respond. "What did you mean when you said he forced you to accept your freedom?"

"He didn't really force me… he… he doesn't know I know this," he confided, "but he over-paid the entire crew on our first haul so I wouldn't owe him any money. I was supposed to pay him back for getting the House's marks removed out of my first contract," he explained. "I didn't know it at the time, but I found out later that we never should have been paid as much of a bonus as he paid us, but he only wanted me to stay—or leave—if I wanted to. He didn't want a debt hanging over either of our heads. I suppose he was afraid that if I owed him anything, _that_ would be the only reason I stuck around. He wanted me to stay, I know he did, but he was scared… he was as scared as I was," he said thoughtfully. "Scared of losing me." Kam was only barely aware of the way his expression softened or the way his lips curled up, just a little. "But as frightened as he was that I would decide to leave, he only ever wanted me if I wanted to be here."

"You really do love each other." It wasn't a question.

Kam nodded anyway. "Jack is… he's everything to me."

"I'm sorry. About… before. Kissing you. I didn't know."

"You couldn't have known, Kase," he gave his hands a gentle squeeze. "What Jack and I have is… it's not the kind of love most people have. I know that, I know how lucky I am to have found him. But… but there's all kinds of love, Kase. The love of a good friend," he pulled Kase closer to him.

"You don't know me, how can you—"

"I know you've got a kind heart."

Kase frowned again. "I was your trainer. You should hate me."

"And you said it yourself, we used to make each other feel good."

Kase looked away from him. "We took what pleasure we could, just like every other Server does," his tone was laden with bitterness. Sorrow. Resentment.

"No. Well… yes… but you gave pleasure as well as accepting it in return. You never forced me."

"You were thirteen. You were a child. I was your trainer. Of course I forced you."

"You were nineteen, which is hardly more than a child, and you didn't have any choice in the matter."

"Did you ever… train…?"

Kam nodded. Shame stained his cheeks pink. "Twice."

"I hated it, Kam. I hated ever second of it. Turning someone else into what _I_ was. Making them into… into _nothing_, into the perfect fantasy, into this blank canvas every client was supposed to paint on. Taking someone like you, someone so… innocent… and having to tell them that _that_ was all their life was ever going to be, that the best they could hope for was to be sold to one of their clients…" he didn't seem aware of the tears leaking out of the corners of his eyes. Kam didn't point them out.

"How many Servers did you train?" he asked softly.

"More than I want to remember. I was a 'good trainer' they told me. The Servers I taught were some of the best in the House. But when I think back on all those lives I ruined…" he pulled away, pulling his knees up to his chest and encircling them with his arms, as if he could shut out the rest of the universe if only for a few moments.

"Kase, you didn't ruin… you weren't responsible for any of us being there! My uncle sold me to the Red House. The only thing you did was make it bearable. Kase, look at me," he insisted.

Reluctantly, the other lifted his head of his knees.

"Kase, you made it bearable," Kam told him again. "You showed me that it didn't have to hurt all the time. You were kind. Patient. I shudder to think what would have happened to me if you hadn't been assigned to take over my training. My first trainer…"

"He was only the way he was because the House made him that way."

"That's not true. I'm sure the House had a part in it, his trainer, but… but people can survive the most horrific of situations and still come out of it… human. Like you." _Like Avi_. Avi had made a mistake, a huge one, but he only made it once and he accepted the friendship… the love… that was being offered him on the Welshman. He was healing and growing because of it. That was more than a man like Fletcher ever could have done, Kam was sure. Even if Jack wasn't running his ship the same way then as he was now, he had still been a good captain. He wouldn't have tolerated any of his crew being hurt the way Fletcher had hurt him, not if he was aware of it… _but what cause did any of us have to think we could trust our captain? _The universe was indeed a cold and ugly place.

"Kase, there is something inside us that just… just responds to love, to kindness," Kam told him. "I think most people have it—or at least I want to believe most of us do. I believe _you_ do. You were so good to me. You didn't have to be, but you were."

"I was only doing what I was told to do," he replied dully.

"Please tell me you don't really believe that."

"I…" Kase hesitated. "I don't know anymore, Kam," he wiped the moisture from his cheeks. "I used to think… I was so very pleased when Captain Aarons bought my contract. He's not really a wealthy man. I know what my contract must have cost him. He'd never had a Cyprian of his own before. And he was… he was so easy to please, but then he just…just threw me away. After six years."

Kam bit his lip. Hard. Guilt wound in his gut, but he had to say something. He couldn't let his friend suffer any more than he was already, not over Aarons. "Kase… there… there's something I think you should know. I know I'm not supposed to say but… but you need to know. And… and you can't ask any questions. You have to take what I tell you exactly as it because I can't tell you any more."

"I don't understand."

"Jack and Henry… I'm certain that when they walked onto Captain Aaron's ship, he had no intention of selling your contract. Or at least I'm fairly certain. I never met the man, obviously, but… but from everything you've said, I don't think he sold your contract for any other reason than Jack and Henry asked him to."

"I…"

"That's all I can say. But I thought you should know; he didn't throw you away, Kase. I don't think he loved you, either," he added hastily. "He may have sold you eventually—or he may have kept you, I don't know. All I know is that… that he didn't love you. If he had… if he'd loved you, he would have wanted you to be free to love him in return."

"I told him I loved him."

"But is it really love when you don't have any other choice?"

"I… I don't know. I don't… sometimes I wish… I wish… I was happy, I think."

Kam nodded. "I know. But, Kase, I want you to consider what would have happened to your contact when Aarons died."

"What?"

"If he did keep you, what would his next of kin have done with your contract?"

Kase paled. "Probably sold it. But… by then… if he really kept me… if I was… old…" he swallowed hard. They both knew that if he was too old for a work colony, he would have ended up in a laboratory facility.

Kam nodded. "Even if he never got tired of you, if he never sold you off in favor of someone younger, you still would have ended up somewhere you wouldn't want to be. I know it doesn't feel like it, but Henry and Jack saved your life. Just… just remember that later, when you start to feel angry at them. Believe me, I know what Jack can be like when he goes swanning in. I'm sure he didn't explain anything to you or even ask you what you wanted."

"It wouldn't have mattered if he had, I wasn't… I still don't know how to make decisions, Kam."

"You can learn. It's not as hard as it seems," Kam flashed over a kind smile. "You just have to trust yourself."


End file.
